


Last Gasp

by kimaasd



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alpha Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao, Alpha Kim Jongin | Kai, Alpha Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Alpha Park Chanyeol, Alpha Wu Yi Fan | Kris, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Beta Kim Jongdae | Chen, Beta Zhang Yi Xing | Lay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Health Issues, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Omega Byun Baekhyun, Omega Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Omega Kim Junmyeon | Suho, Omega Lu Han, Omega Oh Sehun, Omega Verse, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, all trigger warnings tagged at the beginning of chapters, more tags to come?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:16:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 78,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24750685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimaasd/pseuds/kimaasd
Summary: Playing pretend was Junmyeons game.Lost between himself and his idol persona, Suho, he let himself get lost in the fantasy.Until that fantasy came to bite him in the ass.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao/Oh Sehun, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Wu Yi Fan | Kris, Kim Minseok | Xiumin/Lu Han
Comments: 123
Kudos: 502





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Roses after Rain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11243604) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 



> Hi everyone!  
> So this is my first story that is EXO centred, and i’m really excited to write it for you all!
> 
> I dont have set times when this will be updated, so im sorry if there’s long gaps between chapters betting released. I just got into uni so updates may be infrequent, but I promise it will be finished eventually!
> 
> I would love to hear feedback, so feel free to comment and let me know if you’re enjoying the story.
> 
> This story is based loosely on past canon events, but veers off canon in this story. 
> 
> If you enjoy this story, go read the story that inspired it! Its a really good story and I enjoyed it greatly! But please know that even if it’s the inspiration, my story is in no way the same.
> 
> Alright thats it from me, please enjoy!
> 
> -Kim

Junmyeon can feel the eyes boring into his back, his members watching warily as he continues to make the same mistake time and time again.

They all knew the dance, even he knew the dance, but today he has been off his game. Today was just meant to be a day to do final run through's and fix the details before their newest single 'Tempo' gets released tonight and their promotions begin.

Instead, it has turned into a day of EXO's members watching their leader make mistakes. Junmyeon growls at himself as he leans over, hands on his knees as he feels frustration run through him.

Ever since he woke up this morning, he felt off. Not enough to worry his members into postponing their comeback, but he couldn't settle his stomach, his mind felt fuzzy and he couldnt concentrate no matter how hard he tried.

After a few seconds of panting, trying to figure out if he was going to vomit or pass out, he flopped himself into a seated position on the practice room floor.

"Take 10 guys," he mutters to his members as he crawls across the floor to his water bottle. Junmyeon heard the door open, footsteps moving across the floor as his members file out of the practice room.

"I'm fine hyung," He mutters to the alpha, who he knows is still standing behind him waiting for an explanation.

"Junmyeon, you know that won't work with me." Minseok tuts as he walks over and takes a seat on the floor beside Junmyeons still panting form. "You can't even catch your breath properly, what's wrong with you?"

Junmyeon shakes his head before taking another large gulp of water. "I'm fine, just have alot on my mind. I just know that as soon as we think we have a break the company will throw something on us so i'm trying to plan ahead, so I didn't sleep well last night." Junmyeon lies as he looks to Minseok who doesn't look as though he believes him at all.

"Don't worry hyung, ill be fine tomorrow. Now why dont you go get some food and ill be up in a minute." Junmyeon gestures towards the door as he pushes to his feet.

Minseok and Junmyeon part ways as Junmyeon heads towards his bag thats off to the side of the room.

He seats himself in a deep squat as he opens his bag and pulls out his three pill bottles.

Junmyeon has been pumping himself full of a cocktail of heavy suppressants, blockers and birth control since he was 13.

It started as just scent blockers when he first presented at age 10. But quickly changed to suppressants when his omega status began giving him heats that left him out of order for nearly 2 weeks.

But then he got scouted, and the people running his audition made the assumption he was a beta. And he never chose to correct them.

The idol industry is well known to be competitive, it's a cut throat industry that crushes dreams and ruins lives. Junmyeon has watched many of his idol friends allow the idol life expectations take over them.

He's watched people waste away to get skinny, have surgery they didn't need, have reputations ruined by fake reports, and most often, watched friends lose their trainee position due to their designation.

The idol industry is run by alphas and betas, and if you manage to get through as an omega; you have to be the best of the best. Like Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Sehun for example.

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are incredible vocalists and Sehun is an extremely talented dancer. But Junmyeon? He is nowhere near their skills and he knew that. He knew that if he'd corrected the people running his audition that day, he would not be in the position he's in now.

As the beta he's pretending to be, he is the leader of a world renowned group, and is living out his dreams of being a performer.

But all of that is due to him being Suho, the beta; not Junmyeon the omega.

And so, the pills turned from one to two, then two to three and three to four, so on and so forth. Now he downs a daily cocktail of two suppressants, one scent blocker and his birth control. And that's on top of any pain medication or other random pill he's put on.

Junmyeons omega status is one of the best kept secrets in idol history. He knows that what he's doing is dangerous, he's heard the doctors warnings about mixing suppressants and blockers.

But now he's 12 years into his secret, from the moment he became a trainee, he signed away his chance to be an omega.

He's thought about telling his members, letting them in on his life altering secret, but it's been so long now. He waited too late to admit the truth and now he's stuck feeding the fire that is the lie running his life.

Junmyeon shakes his head, dislodging any thoughts that involve ruining his perfect fantasy life. Well, almost perfect.

He can't help but let out a sigh as he looks to the far wall of Exo's allocated practice room, where he knows a picture of 12 young boys hangs, taunting him for his failure as a leader. He couldn't even keep his members here as a beta, he can only imagine how it would be were he an omega.

He downs his meds and drops the bottles of pills back into his bag, Junmyeon takes another sip of water, trying to dislodge the feeling of pills in his throat; the feeling he tells himself doesn't come from the guilt and sadness of losing members.

After a few more seconds standing silently, Junmyeon leaves the practice room; a hand on his unsettled stomach as it churns as if a hamsters is running around in his guts.

"Junmyeon come here and eat something, I know you skipped breakfast this morning to sort out schedules so it's time to stop and have a break." Minseok calls as he gestures to the empty seat beside him.

Junmyeon takes the seat graciously, landing heavily in the seat as dizziness wracks his brain. He doesn't have the heart to tell Minseok that the real reason he skipped breakfast this morning was the ever intensifying nausea running through him, so he instead thanks his hyung and starts to slowly eat the food laid before him.

"So I heard from Lay hyung, he says that the company assured him he would be performing with us again soon," Jongdae's chirpy voice tells everyone as he looks up from his phone.

"Well, they finally let him in another music video so I can only hope we will all be together soon," Kyungsoo's clearly irritated voice replies.

Junmyeon looks to the omega, whose nose is scrunched as he stabs at his food; small clanging sounds coming from his bowl.

"Calm down, I promise i'll talk to management and tell them we want to perform together. I'll never give up on this and I promise we will all be together again soon," Junmyeon says in a calming voice as he places his hand carefully over Kyungsoo's fidgeting arm.

He deflates as the anger seeps from his body, and he throws a grateful smile towards Junmyeon; his bright cherry scent seeping from him in his happiness. "Thanks hyung, you know we dont doubt you. It just hurts to be separated for so long."

Junmyeon nods his agreement as he moves back into place, his stomach lurching again as he moves from his tilted position.

"Hyung are you okay? You're looking a little green," Jongin asks, seeming like he's fighting between coming over and scenting him or leaving to get a doctor.

"Yeah i'm okay, no need to worry," Junmyeon assumes the young alpha who looks to Kyungsoo worriedly.

Minseok stares him down with doubtful eyes as he places a hand upon Junmyeons forehead. "I agree, you don't look good, and you're feeling a little feverish."

As much as his body wants to press further into Minseoks cold hand, he pulls away playfully. "I'm okay hyung, it's just these meds i'm taking for my knee. It's all okay, I promise." Junmyeon lies with a smile.

"Now," Junmyeon begins with a clap. "Lets go find our darling maknae and our pda machines."

Groans round the table as everyone realises they have to help search for Chanyeol and Baekhyun, who are known to be found in all kinds of compromising positions.

"Whoever finds them can pick dinner tonight," Junmyeon bargains as he slowly pushes to his feet, careful to control his facial expressions. "And you wont have to join the hunt next time."

This happens to be a good motivator as they stop slouching and put in some actual effort to find the young couple.

It's Jongin who finds them, dragging them back to the practise room by their hair as Chanyeol tries to explain himself. Sehun following not long after.

"Hyung, I found them in TVXQ's practise room whilst I was talking to Yunho hyung, he looked mortified!" Jongin whines as he leaves his position beside the young couple to stand with Kyungsoo, who pats his head with a smile.

Chanyeol immediately starts shaking his head, his embarrassed alpha scent permeating around the room and Baekhyun chuckles. "No Hyung it wasn't like that I swear!"

Junmyeon turns disbelieving eyes on him and his reddened cheeks. "I mean.. I guess technically it was like that but it was Baek's fault!" Chanyeol whines as he passes blame to his unapologetic omega boyfriend.

All eyes turn to Baekhyun, who's grinning wide and unapologetic. "What can I say hyung, I was having a great time."

After a light scolding about not using other teams practice rooms to hook up, the group gets back to practicing. Junmyeon following along slightly better than he had previously, but thats not saying much based on how badly he had been doing before.

By the time they'd finished practice, most people had left the company building, only NCT members and some trainees remaining.

Back at the dorm, shower roulette begins as everybody learns their order via rock paper scissors. Junmyeon is forced to shower first, as he's the sweatiest of them all dude to his feverish heat.

After finishing his shower, Junmyeon finds a seat on the couch beside Baekhyun. "Only one hour left until they music video comes out, so Jongin ordered food and we'll eat whilst we watch." Baekhyun explains before going back to his conversation with Jongdae.

Junmyeon nods to himself as he leans back and shuts his eyes, willing the time to pass faster. The next time he opens his eyes, his members are bickering over seating arrangements and who gets what food, youtube open on their TV as they wait for their videos release.

Junmyeon lets his mind wander again as he thinks about their comeback.

Comebacks always feel different, there's a pain that generally settles when they dont have schedules that bubbles up. Maybe it's the reminder that they were no longer whole, that a quarter of their homemade family was no longer home.

It's painful to listen only to not hear their voices, to watch although you know they wont be there.

Junmyeon quietly breaks off from the bickering group and heads to his room, carefully closing the door behind him before laying on his side on top of the covers of his bed.

He pulls out his phone and opens his photos app, clicking on the album labelled 'complete family'

He knows that he shouldn't even have the pictures on his phone, that if he was ever caught with them the company would scold him harshly. But he could never bring himself to erase the memories he holds so dear.

He clicks on one of his favourite pictures, just the 12 of them grouped together in suits and ties, his alpha co-leader stood behind him with a hand on his shoulder. Tao's arm thrown around Yifan's neck and Luhan in the corner winking with a cheesy grin.

Laying silently on his bed, Junmyeon stares tearfully at the picture on his phone. Every time he sees pictures of the twelve of them together, he cant help but feel betrayal seep into his bones.

When his baby alpha had left, he had understood. Tao had been treated terribly by the company for years;not that they all hadn't.

But the company seemed to have a different type of pressure for him to do well, as if he was nothing without his dancing abilities. And by then he was used to the feeling of loss, having felt it twice before.

Luhan's departure had been tough, he still remembered the final tear filled concert they spent together.

They were able to give him a proper send off, shower the omega in the affection he deserved.

Losing Yifan had been the hardest, his co-leader hadn't even told anybody he was leaving until he was already gone. Junmyeon remembers the depression he went through when the alpha left, forced to push away his omega instincts so he could support his team when they couldn't support themselves.

He knows that some of the other members still contact their lost pack mates, but he doesn't know if any still contact Yifan. Hard as he'd tried to contact him after everything happened, he never got a response. Whether Yifan blocked his number or got a new one, he was unsure.

And yet, he couldn't help but watch everything he did. Every movie, every song, every interview, even the NBA games he was invited to. He couldn't help but keep tabs on him.

He missed the alpha with every fibre of his being. He knew for sure, that had circumstances been different and had they met differently; they would be together now. Whether as friends of as mates he was unsure, but he knew which one he wished for.

Remembers his words and his touches as if it were just yesterday that he felt them, and not four years ago. Sometimes he'll go to his draws, and pull out the hidden shirt that he knew Yifan left behind purposely the day he left.

It's lost all of his scent, the deep chocolate smell lost to time, but it still brought him comfort.

As he thinks about getting it out now, Sehun slams excitedly into their shared room. "5 more minutes hyung! We're all going to watch it in the lounge so Isaved a seat on the couch since you were feeling sick." Sehun tells me before ducking out of the room again.

Junmyeon sighs mournfully, taking one last wistful look at the photo before locking his phone and making his way to the lounge where his pack is waiting for him, an empty seat on the end of the couch.

He steadies his breathing and puts a smile on his face before stepping into the lounge and taking his seat beside Baekhyun who hadn't moved since he left.

Someone pushes a bowl of food into his hands and Junmyeon picks at it carefully before paying all his attention to the TV.

And sitting there in that moment, Junmyeon can pretend that he doesn't feel the emptiness of the room; as he watches his group succeed once again.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,   
> As you’ll be able to tell, I have deleted chapters 2 to chapter 20 of my story in preparation to edit and reupload. I have revised chapter 1 and 2 and am now reuploading the necessary changes.  
> This is going to be an extremely long process and I want to apologise in advance for not being able to do it faster, but I need to finish my uni course as well.
> 
> I hope you all can still enjoy the revised version of my story.   
> thank you all.
> 
> Further notes apologising will be in the chapter notes.  
> -kim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly I would like to send my sincerest apologies to the author of ‘Roses After Rain’ for unintentionally plagiarising their stories.   
> When I was first writing this story, I don’t think I truly knew the meaning of plagiarism, and clearly did not recognise that I myself was doing it under the guise of inspiration.   
> I take pride in knowing that my stories are my own, and by appreciating the stories made my others - and in turn am extremely upset and angry at myself for unknowingly taking part in this behaviour.
> 
> Secondly I would like to apologise to both my readers and the readers of ‘Roses After Rain’, and would also like to thank the person who brought this issue to my attention.   
> From here on out I will strive to do better in order to not make a mistake again such as I have with this one.  
> Before I deleted the most recent chapter, I saw alot of my readers trying to comfort me by disregarding my mistake, and though I would like to thank them for their kind words, I also recognise that what I did was wrong and hope that my readers will recognise this too. I accept responsibility for this error, and will try hard to do better in the future.
> 
> Lastly I just want to generally apologise again. I have never felt as sick in my life as I had whilst reading the comment that brought my mistake to my attention. I will take time to deeply reflect on this issue as I prepare for editing and revising my story, and can only hope that those who accept my apology are willing to wait until I am ready to finish everything.
> 
> Thank you all, and I sincerely apologise.

All he has to do is get through this performance, is what Junmyeon keeps telling himself as he pants where he's sitting against the wall of their dressing room.

"10 more minutes and Exo is on," A random stagehand informs them, and Junmyeon knows that is too long a time.

"Hyung, maybe you should sit this one out," Kyungsoo mentions as their makeup artist pats sweat from Junmyeons face for the 5th time in the past 10 minutes.

Junmyeon shakes his head, pushing himself to a standing position before leaning against the wall as his unsteady legs give up.

"No no, i'm okay. I can get through this one performance." Junmyeon tells them, running a hand down his sore neck over his scent glands.

They'd already made it through all their pre-recordings and rehearsals, all that was left was their final live performance before Junmyeon could go back to the dorm.

His members stare at him doubtfully, but know better than to try and force him.

"Okay," Junmyeon mutters as he opens his eyes and pushes away from the wall. He allows the makeup artist to pat his face dry one last time before guiding his group to the wings beside the stage where they were all given their mics.

Junmyeon takes a peak towards the stage and sees Twice performing their newest single. He looks away quickly and doubles over as pain shoots through his gut like he's been stabbed.

He hisses before letting out a groan, thankful that his mic hasn't been turned on yet. Hands land on his back and shoulders as people talk quickly at him asking what's happening.

After releasing some deep breaths, he hears a stagehand tell them it's time to go on. So with a muted grunt he stood upright and marched onto the stage, his worrying team trying to stop him before giving in and entering too.

Junmyeon knows he has no choice but to perform. He's had the rules drilled into him since he first became a trainee.

Gonna faint? Dont. Feeling sick? Suck it up. Injured? Get over it and get back out there.

The industry is cut throat, and he refuses to disappoint his fans or make the members look bad just because he can't pull himself together.

The eyes of his members bore wearily into him as the song starts and they begin their performance. As the moments pass, he can feel his throat become dry; his notes coming out shaky as he wobbles unsteadily through the motions of the dance. His scent glands are aching, making him feel like he cant breathe from how swollen his throat feels.

By the time they're at Chanyeol's pre bridge part, Junmyeon can feel his movements slowing as pain and weakness rushes through his body as if fighting to take over.

He stutters through a movement, not quite able to push out of his squatted position in time; leaving him a beat behind the others as he feels delerium simmer through him.

Singing becomes a challenge, let alone singing whilst trying to keep up with the dance steps. He doesn't know how he manages to get through the performance in one piece, but he can only feel gladness that his ending position is behind Jongin and Chanyeol; because the second the music stops he collapses to the ground unceremoniously.

There's a commotion, trying to get Junmyeons limp body off stage without worrying the fans too much. One of his members rips away his face mic when he starts screaming in pain; which he can only be thankful for.

Eventually, Shownu and Wonho from Monsta X, who were performing after us, come on stage and help to move his pain ridden body, their alpha status helping to get people out of the way when they command it.

Junmyeon is placed gently onto a couch in Exo's waiting room, where he curls into a ball and cries through the pain.

"Hyung I thought you said you were fine!" Sehun whines as he runs a hand through Junmyeons hair, trying to pat away his tear covered face.

A pained whimper leaves Junmyeon's mouth as he turns over and grabs hold of Sehun's shirt and pulls him closer. Sehun's arms wrap around his shaking form, allowing Junmyeon to cry into his chest and muffle his pained shouts and cries.

"Kim Junmyeon, beta is that correct?" A new voice asks and upon looking, Junmyeon realises it's the on-site doctor.

"Yes, he's been a little under the weather the past couple days. Yesterday he was pretty distracted and tired and now it's gotten worse," Minseok explains to him.

"Alright Mr Kim, can you tell me what has been going on?" The doctor asks as he kneels on the floor and takes out a blood pressure device.

"I think I'm having a bad reaction to some medications i've been taking, it's a different prescription from the one my doctor usually gives me," Junmyeon lies easily as he clutches his stomach.

To be fair, the lie isn't that far off reality. Junmyeon has had a similar reaction to this when he'd been put on his first pain medication for his knee injury, it had been quickly swapped out and he'd never taken it again.

But the members had seem him during that time, and the symptoms are similar enough to not be suspicious.

"Do you know why you were given a different prescription?" The doctor asks as he takes off the blood pressure cuff to put back in his bag.

"The pain in my knee has been worse recently, he gave me a stronger medication so i'd be able to participate in the comeback," Junmyeon lies. God, if he didn't know the truth he'd probably believe the lie as well.

"Okay, well if that's the case then you will need to immediately stop that medication, and you'll need to have an appointment with your GP to talk about the symptoms you've had," The man says as he closes his bag and stands up.

"Are you completely sure thats all it is?" Minseok asks, clearly doubtful of the diagnosis.

"Yes i'm sure, anything more and i'd send him to hospital immediately," The doctor says in a placating tone.

"A few days rest and completely stopping the medication should fix him up good as new, but you'll need to see your GP before you go back to performing," He warns before taking his leave.

All Junmyeon can think is that if he had just taken time off to go home for this suppressed heat, none of this would be happening. He could continue to live his life in peace.

Junmyeon is given a paracetamol tablet after the doctor leaves, and after spending another 3 hours napping on the couch he was collapsed on, they were able to leave; their first win for Tempo under their belt.

Taking the steps outside the building are hard on shaky legs, and he nearly trips and falls down.

A hand grips his arm, and upon checking he notices that Minseok is holding him; an arm around his waist, "Thanks hyung."

Minseok hums, "You know that if something is wrong, you can tell us. We won't judge you, we just want you to be okay."

Junmyeon remains silent. He knows all these things, but he can't trust that revealing his secret wouldn't mean throwing away his entire life.

On the way back to the dorm, Junmyeon distracts the members by starting a vlive. It's the only way he can stop them from discussing what's happening to him, they won't talk about it if there's a risk their fans could hear.

Part way through the vlive, he passes off the phone to someone else and closes his eyes in the hopes of getting some rest. His body is exhausted, dancing whilst he clearly shouldn't have been has taken a toll on his body.

He almost wants to cry at the realisation that he'll have to do it again tomorrow, though thankfully the company has decided they're only doing 4 music show performances; which means there's only 3 to go.

His body just can't seem to let him slip into a comfortable sleep, so instead he just listens to his members as they talk about random things for the fans.

After a while, they end the vlive and turn their conversation in a different direction.

"You know, I think i've completely forgotten what Yixing hyungs scent smells like," Chanyeol admits sadly.

Junmyeon feels himself tense up as the words leave Chanyeols mouth, making him think of his own scent.

Junmyeon had always been self consious about his scent, he never learned to control it no matter how hard he tried and it always left him feeling exposed.

Being on the blockers, he didn't have a scent. He just smelt artificially sterile.

Even if he were a beta, he'd have a muted one. Like Jongdae and Yixing, who both have barely there scents that you could even mistake as a random smell in the air.

Junmyeons omega scent however, was nowhere near that subtle. His cotton candy scent is easily picked as that of an omega, no doubt about it. Which is why he had been blocking it since he first presented.

In the past 14 years, only one person has accidentally smelt his scent. He was lucky to have been able to lie his way around it, saying he blocked it since it was so omegean and he was embarrassed of it as a beta; but nobody else knows that.

"I still remember," Junmyeon surprises them by saying. "He always smelt like peanuts, but after he was given his stage name we used to always joke that he smelt like chips."

The other boys giggle as they think back to that time.

"I dont remember Tao, Yifan hyung or Luhan hyungs scents," Jongdae adds tentatively, knowing it was a touchy subject.

"Well, those three are so different i'm not surprised," Junmyeon replies as he opens his eyes, turning around in his seat to look behind him.

"Tao always smelt like cheese, thought that's probably because he ate so much of it," Junmyeon jokes, and the others all laugh along with him.

"Luhan hyung always smelt like a scone, like fresh jam and cream."

"Yeah, he always had my favourite scent," Kyungsoo adds before looking at Jongin.

"What about me?" Jongin asks, but Kyungsoo just winks at him before looking away.

"And Yifan hyung?" Baekhyun pushes, trying to get an answer out of Junmyeon.

"Yifan.." Junmyeon says dreamily as he sits properly in his seat, facing forward again. "Yifan hyung always smelt like chocolate, especially dark chocolate."

"My favourite," Junmyeon adds quietly under his breath, not loud enough for the others to hear.

"Yeah he always hated his scent, he'd always tell me he wished he could swap scents with me," Chanyeol boasts, his chest puffed out with pride.

Baekhyun just laughs at his antics before slapping him lightly on the chest. The boys continue to pick at Chanyeol and make jokes, and Junmyeon eventually falls asleep to the sound of their laughter.

The members gently wake him and lead him inside where he makes a run for his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

He immediately flops on his bed, shoving himself under the covers in the least graceful way you could imagine.

But its all he can do, he doesn’t want to break himself out of his half asleep state, lest he wake up properly and not be able to get back to that peaceful place again.

Luckily, he seems to be in just the right point of wake, as he drifts off easily; letting his mind travel as he finds peace.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only 7 more weeks left of uni before I can devote time to rewriting everything!  
> My brain is having a hard time reconnecting my storylines to new scenes but ill keep working hard!  
> I hope you all have a good week!

"Hyung are you sure you should be randomly going out while you're still trying to recover? What if you have another pain episode?" Jongdae questions as he stalks the leader through the house.

"I wont be gone for very long, i'm meeting with some of the leaders from my group chat, I shouldn't be more than 2 hours," Junmyeon says for the fourth time that morning.

"But it's only been a couple days, maybe you should wait longer before going out without us," Jongdae says, trying to convince the leader to stay home.

Junmyeon stops when he gets to the front door, turning and grabbing Jongdae by the shoulders. "I will be perfectly fine, and if i'm not i'll come back straight away yeah?"

Jongdae doesnt look pleased, he'd spent the better part of an hour trying to convince Junmyeon that staying home was his best option.

"Fine, but I want you to text me when you get there and when you're leaving," Jongdae concedes, and Junmyeon agrees before bidding farewell.

The journey to the cafe they are meeting at is short, no more than 20 minutes. It's a small store that idols frequent because of its enforced policies on privacy.

Junmyeon is the last to arrive, entering to find Irene, Taeyong, Seungcheol, JB and Chan all talking amongst themselves waiting for his arrival.

"Hyung!" Chan says when he notices the boy stood in the doorway, waving him over to take the empty seat between Irene and JB.

"Hey everyone, how's everything going?" Junmyeon asks as he sits down.

"Yeah good, we were just waiting for you to get here before we ordered," Jb explains as he passes over a menu for Junmyeon to look at.

"I'm sorry to keep you all waiting, Jongdae was being super clingy before I left," Junmyeon explains as he lets his eyes scan over the menu.

"It's okay hyung, Jeonghan almost didn't let me come because he wanted a movie day," Seungcheol says in understanding.

"Tell me about it! Jinyoung and I got in a fight last night and when I was leaving today he got really angry because I didn't tell him where I was going," JB interjects as he leans back in his chair. "That'll be fun to deal with when I get home, Mark texted me saying that Jinyoung broke a plate."

"He broke a plate?" Chan says in surprise, having never thought that the usually calm alpha could have a hair trigger reaction like that.

"Yeah, he was doing dishes when I left," JB explains, trying to assure that he didn't just throw a plate and break it in anger. "Personally I think he probably only did it because he thought i'd come home out of anger."

"Thats petty," Irene states. JB nods in agreement, "Yeah, that's Jinyoung for you. He always does stuff like that to get me home faster, usually it works to be fair."

"You actually buy into that? Wow JB," Irene says through a laugh as she takes a sip of the glass of water sitting in front of her.

"I only do it because I know it will turn into something bigger if I don't deal with it early," JB explains, running a hand through his long hair as a smirk forms on his lips. "Plus it usually ends with great anger sex."

"Hyung!" Chan whines as if he's just accidentally walked in on his parents getting dirty.

"Oh dont be like that Channie, we both know what your members get up to in their spare time," JB says, a tint of joking threat in his voice.

"Oh? Do tell," Seungcheol asks with a shit eating grin, laughing when he sees Chan blanch in reaction.

"Well where do we begin?" JB says as he taps his chin, Chan's whine of 'hyung' going unnoticed.

"Well, there was the time I caught Changbin and Felix in the recording studio," Jb says as he puts up one finger.

"Then there was the time I caught Felix and Changbin again in the practice room, I genuinely thought Felix was going to explode when that happened," JB says with a laugh, looking at Chan who blushes as he covers his face.

"And that time I saw Jisung and Minho in the bushes outside your dorm, you really need to talk to them about being more careful," JB tuts.

"That was one time! And they haven't done it since,"Chan complains as he reaches over to slap JB on the arm in embarrassment.

Everyone just laughs at him, not caring how embarrassed he's progressively becoming. "Hey don't start Chan, i've seen you at all your weirdest stages," JB jokes.

"Hyuuung," Chan whines before getting up, "I'm going to order, are you all ready?"

One by one they all list off their orders, before Chan leaves to get them all.

"He really has grown up well," JB says once Chan is out of earshot, a proud look on his face.

"Yeah, it always feels good to watch them blossom after they debut, it was the same with Irene and Taeyong," Junmyeon agrees.

Irene sneers slightly at Junmyeon, "Oppa I was always great." They all laugh at her words but agree to placate her.

"Hyung I noticed you only ordered a drink, are you okay?" Taeyong asks, directing his question at Junmyeon.

"Yeah I just ate before I came," Junmyeon replies, the lie slipping easily from his mouth before he takes a sip of his water.

"That reminds me, last night Wendy was telling us about this article her sister sent her," Irene starts as he pulls out her phone.

"She sent it to me so I could tell you guys about it."

"What was it about?" Seungcheol asks as he sits up straighter in his chair.

"It was about what can happen if you take suppressants, birth control and blockers together," she explains as he keeps scrolling. "Ah there it is, I'll wait until Chan comes back, he should hear it too."

It takes a few moments for the words to fully register in Junmyeon's mind, but when they do, he chokes on the water he was drinking.

"Hyung are you okay?" JB asks as he reaches to pat the older boy on the back. Junmyeon just nods his head as he coughs a couple times, trying to get the water out of his throat.

"Just went down the wrong way," Junmyeon chokes out as he coughs once more.

When Chan eventually gets back to the table, Irene informs him of the article before giving them all a little back story.

"So Wendy's sister has this friend who has a job where they spend months at a time in submarines, and so she would always be on suppressants, blockers and birth control at the same time so there would be a situation whilst they're trapped underwater," Irene explains.

"But her most recent trip got cut short because she became very sick and ended up needing a hospital, this article was one that she had to read and she sent it to Wendy's sister and told her to send it to any omegas she knows."

"Is her friend okay?" Junmyeon asks, dreading having to hear what the article says about what he's been doing.

"Yeah she is now," Irene responds, "But only because it was caught early, it can be really deadly."

"What can?" Chan asks as he sits forward in his chair. Two thirds of Chans group is made up of omegas, so it makes sense that he would be extremely invested in the subject.

Junmyeon sees Taeyong lean forward too, clearly interested, before his phone starts buzzing; cutting off what Irene was about to reply.

Taeyong and picks it up, listening to whatever the person is saying before hanging up with a sigh.

"I'm sorry but I have to go, the company wants me for a meeting."

"It's okay Yong, I'll see you later," Irene says with a smile. All of them wave their goodbyes, Taeyong going to the counter to make his order a take away before leaving.

It takes a moment of prompting for Irene to go back to what she was saying.

"Thats where the article comes in," Irene says as he holds up a finger, picking up her phone with her other hand.

"In this article they use the term 'The Last Gasp' to describe it but it apparently can be known as other things as well." Irene explains as she reads from her phone.

"So basically, suppressants shut off the hormones that start heats, scent blockers shut off your scenting hormones and birth control.. well you all know what birth control does." Irene says, waving her hand as she finishes her sentence.

"Well i'd sure hope so," Seungcheol says with a chuckle.

"The article explains that when you take all three together for periods of time, your hormone system is shut down enough that your body starts to deteriorate," Irene explains as she reads from the article.

"Doctors recommend breaks between taking medications because your body needs the tome to regulate so there doesn't become an imbalance," She quotes.

"Okay, but we already kinda know this stuff noona," Seungcheol says.

At that moment, a waitress brings their drinks. Placing each one down before them before doubling back and bringing the food.

"I know you know this stuff Cheol, they tell you about it when you first present," Irene replies before taking a sip of her drink. "I'm not finished yet."

Seungcheol puts his hands up in surrender before stuffing a bite of omlette into his mouth.

"The part that I need to tell you about is the important thing they dont tell you during that meeting," Irene says before wiping her mouth and placing her hands on the table, as if she's about to say something serious.

"Usage of all three for extended periods of time can result in this 'last gasp' thing," Irene explains, waiting until they've swallowed before continuing.

"The 'Last Gasp' results in total organ failure that can eventually kill you," She says, watching as all their eyes widen simultaneously.

Junmyeon didn't have anything in his mouth, but he still choked on his saliva. He slaps a hand over his chest to pat it as he tries not to cough.

"Kill you?" Junmyeon squeaks out before taking a sip of his water.

JB pats him lightly on the back with a face of concern.

"Yeah, there's apparently stages to it and it eventually ends in death," Irene says as she continues to read through the article. "The article says that if you atop immediately, you're likely to recover with no side effects."

"What about the ones who don't stop?" Chan questions, practically taking the words right out of Junmyeon's mouth.

"Well they continue to get more and more sick, usually they lose weight and get really weak until eventually their body can't handle it," Irene explains before placing her phone on the table.

She begins eating her food and Junmyeon sips his coffee.

His brain runs wild as he soaks up what Irene has said, imagination running rampant as he tries to understand how he's feeling.

Could that be what's happening to him? No, it couldn't be. But maybe? He has been taking all three medications for over a decade. No, it's not possible. Junmyeon's phone ringing startles him out of his thoughts.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and answers it, "Hello?"

"Hyung! Thank god you're okay," Jongdae's relieved voice says through the phone.

"Dae, of course i'm okay," Junmyeon replies before taking a sip of his drink.

"Hyung you promised you would call me when you got to the cafe! I've been waiting for nearly half an hour!" Jongdae complains and Junmyeon bites his bottom lip.

"I'm sorry Jongdae, I was distracted. I'm fine," Junmyeon tells him. All of his friends are looking at him now, listening to his conversation.

"Hyung I wish you'd called me earlier, i'm really sorry," Jongdae says, and Junmyeon's face scrunches up in confusion.

"Sorry about what?" Junmyeon questions? but his answer comes quite quickly.

"Kim Junmyeon!" A voice calls from behind him, and upon turning Junmyeon sees Minseok stood with his arms crossed.

Junmyeon lets his arm drop to the table, letting his phone drop onto the surface. "Hyung? What are you doing here?"

"You didn't call," Minseok says, lifting an eyebrow.

Junmyeon opens his mouth to reply, but JB cuts him off. "Sorry hyung, that was my fault. I distracted him when he first got here."

Minseok takes a moment to greet all the other people at the table, before stepping forward and grabbing Junmyeon's things from the table.

"Come on Jun, we're leaving."

"What?" Junmyeon says in outrage, "No hyung, I just got here!"

“Junmyeon, you weren’t even supposed to go out today. You purposely waited for me to leave before you left,” Minseok says, and Junmyeon feels his cheeks light up, knowing he was caught.

“Hyung i’m an adult,” Junmyeon replies but Minseok just grabs him by the arm.

Junmyeon is about to fight again, but the look on Minseoks face just makes him give up with a sigh. Junmyeon turns to the table and apologises, “I’m sorry guys, I’ll talk to you later.”

They all say goodbye and Junmyeon shakes off Minseoks hand as he walks to the counter to pay for his drink and get another one to go.

When his drink finally arrives, and get into the car that Minseok leads him to; One of their managers sat in the front waiting for them.

Junmyeon grabs his phone off Minseok and silently sips his drink as he starts to google.

**_Last gasp_ **

**_symptoms of last gasp_ **

**_what is the last gasp_ **

**_how do you know if you have the last gasp_ **

**_can you die from the last gasp_ **

**_survivors of the last gasp_ **

**_photos of the last gasp survivors_ **

**_what do you look like if you have the last gasp_ **

Junmyeon tries hard to keep his back to the door so Minseok can’t see his phone screen, if he saw any of the articles Junmyeon was reading he would definitely realise what was wrong.

”Cmon Jun, stop moping on your phone and talk to me,” Minseok says suddenly, making Junmyeon jump in surprise and look up from his screen.

”Hyung, I don’t want to talk to you. Also i’m reading something so leave me alone,” Junmyeon replies before looking back at his phone.

“Dont talk to me like that Junmyeon,” Minseok growls, but Junmyeon just shoots him an unamused look.

”You ripped me from my friends because you decided to go all alpha, I’ll talk to you how I want,” Junmyeon grumbles back before turning back to his phone.

Junmyeon knows that you should never believe what you read on google, but as he goes through more and more articles, he becomes more convinced that this whole ‘Last Gasp’ thing is likely what he’s going through.

He locks his phone with a sigh, placing it in his lap as he stares out the window.

The surroundings are familiar, and he realises that they’re in their street. Junmyeon sits up straighter as the car pulls to a stop, and immediately gets out to go inside.

Minseok follows after him immediately, staying barely a couple steps behind and Junmyeon speed walks inside.

When they enter the dorm, Jongin and Baekhyun are sitting on the couch watching tv; Chanyeol and Sehun sitting on the floor playing on their phones.

”Hyung! You’re back,” Jongdae says as he exits the kitchen.

Junmyeon just glares at him before stomping into his room and slamming the door shut, locking the door behind himself.

He hesitates for a few seconds before kneeling beside his bed and opening his bedside drawers.

He pulls out the three bottles he knows are slowly killing him, tipping the pills into his hand before stopping and simply staring at them. He could turn back, it's not too late. His body is warning him, he still has time.

His eyes flick to the photo on his bedside table, of him and his members, before turning away again as he downs the tablets.

After carefully placing the bottles back in their spot at the back of his drawer, he collapses on his bed and cries. He doesn't know how long for, just until he was finally able to go to sleep.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Only 4 more weeks until my uni course is complete! it feels almost surreal to say that, but it means more free time.  
> This chapter only has a couple of small changes in it but i hope you still enjoy rereading it!

It's been two weeks since what Junmyeon calls 'The Incident'. Two weeks of his members watching him like a hawk and jumping to his aid at the smallest of inconveniences.

Miraculously, the company hadn't asked him to come in for a meeting after 'The Incident', he had been expecting a call for the first few days after it happened, but it seems that he got by unscathed.

Which is why, when Junmyeon woke up this morning to a call from one of their managers informing him that he was needed for an important meeting, he immediately felt dread.

Had they found out? Did the doctor tell them? Was he in trouble?

All these questions ran through his head as he quickly got dressed and ready to leave. He grabbed his phone and wallet before leaving for the front door, running into Kyungsoo briefly in the kitchen.

"Hey hyung, where are you going?" Kyungsoo asked as Junmyeon attempted to slither past without having to speak.

"I got called into a meeting, gotta go before they get angry about me being late," Junmyeon explains as he yet again attempts to leave.

"Have you eaten yet?" Kyungsoo asks. Junmyeon holds in an agitated huff as he turns to face Kyungsoo. "I'll grab something on the way," he lies, before finally taking his leave.

The truth is, Junmyeon hasn't been able to hold anything down since he got out of hospital, so he just hasn't bothered to eat. He knows he has noticeably shed weight, and he knows his members are worried, but he can't risk stopping his meds.

Eventually they'll all find out, he'll lose too much weight or slip up and tell them; but until then he is keeping it to himself.

Dashing through the streets outside their dorm, it's not long before he is stopped by his own body and forced to stop and sit down before he passes out.

He sits on the street, panting heavily as he tries to catch his breath and stop the dizziness rushing through him.

By the time he manages to pull himself together, he's running late for the meeting. Knowing that he can't force himself to run anymore, he takes his time and walks the rest of the way.

The receptionist at the SM building immediately rushes him to the room that the meeting is being held in, smiling at his thanks before going back to her desk.

He pushes through the door and immediately apologises for his tardiness. "I'm so sorry I'm late, I got held up at the dorms." He explains, not telling them that the real reason he took so long is that he was trying to not pass out alone on the street.

"Don't let it happen again," one of the men states as he gestures for Junmyeon to take a seat across from him.

"So what's this meeting about?" Junmyeon questions as he takes his seat, trying to not let the relief bleed into his expression.

"We're here to discuss Exo's schedule for December," One of the men says before shuffling through some pieces of paper. He picks out one and passes it to Junmyeon before continuing, "We've had to reshuffle some things to make room for a new arrangement."

A wave of relief runs through Junmyeons body, followed quickly by agitation. "I thought you said there'd be no change to next month's schedule? It was purposely light in order to prepare Baekhyun's solo album."

"Priorities have changed since that decision was made. You'll be performing at MAMA this year.. with Lay." The man says, almost unhappily. Junmyeon immediately perks up at the mention of Yixing, whom he nor his members have been allowed to perform with since 2016.

"Why the sudden change of heart?" Junmyeon asked, finding the whole situation to be shady. There was a reason Yixing hadn't been allowed to perform with them, and it sure as hell wasn't because of the members themselves.

The alpha sat before him looked extremely uncomfortable at the entire idea of this conversation occuring, but Junmyeon refused to back down. Too many times he'd allowed them to get away with leaving him in the dark, he refuses to allow it any longer.

"You're in the running for a few awards, and since Lay will be here for a concert we've allowed him the opportunity to perform with you." The man finally admits.

"Allowed? He's a member of this group, he's always allowed." Junmyeon grumbles as he glares at the three men sitting before him. "What you mean to say, is that you can't find any excuses that will work while we're all in Korea. Isn't that correct."

The man to the left huffs before covering his face. as if trying to cover the fact he's holding back laughter. The man to the right however, looks absolutely appalled.

"I resent being accused of such things. You are lucky we are allowing any of you this opportunity, don't make us change our mind. Stay in your lane." He snaps harshly.

Junmyeon sucks in his lips, but keeps the glare on his face as he stares down the alpha chairman who dared to snap at him. How dare they call him into a meeting about his group only to speak badly of him and his members.

"Lay will be arriving in four days on the twenty-sixth, we request that you inform your members of the agreed upon changes. Once Lay arrives you'll have ten days to practice before the first day of on set rehearsals begin, use this time wisely." The man on the left explains, seeming to attempt to calm the situation.

Junmyeon nods, reading over the paper before him as he checks what else has been changed. "One more thing, why has a fansign been added on the 17th?" Jumnyeon questions as he finishes checking the schedule. The entire month has been rearranged, causing it to be completely packed full of schedules.

"And when will Baekhyun have the chance to continue work on his solo album, since you filled up the entire month he was supposed to work on it." He tacks on after, before any of the men have a chance to speak.

"A fansign was added since Lay won't be leaving until the 18th, and Baekhyun's solo album has been pushed back for a june release so he will have plenty of time to work on it." The man on the right replied curtly.

Junmyeon nods slowly, dissatisfied that he'll have to tell Baekhyun his album has been pushed back once again. "Is that all for today?" Junmyeon asks, preparing to get up from his chair and leave.

"Not quite." The man in the middle says, stopping Junmyeon in his attempt to get up.

By the look on the man's face, Junmyeon knows he has branched from discussions of the schedule to something a lot more unpleasant; and immediately his stomach drops.

He rearranges himself in his chair before clearing his throat and asking what else is needed to be talked about.

"In a meeting with Taeyong yesterday, he mentioned that you were involved in an incident during your promotions on the 9th at Music Bank." The center man mentioned as he linked his hands and rested them atop the table.

At that moment, Junmyeon was feeling some homicidal tendencies towards Taeyong, but he's sure the omega hadn't meant to sell him out to the company reps. Truthfully, Junmyeon had a lot of respect for his fellow omega leader. It wasn't common that companies allowed omegas to lead groups, and the ones that do usually end up like Taeyong; who's believed to be an alpha by the public.

Junmyeon understands the position he's in, being forced to play pretend as a presentation he's not. Although technically Junmyeon was the one lying to everyone by choice, not force.

Presentations, especially omega ones, are mostly kept secret from the general public. Obviously there are special exceptions that can't be helped, like alphas going into rut or omegas into heat. There was even an occasion once that Junmyeon bore witness to an idol presenting during an award show, which was a whole debacle.

Junmyeon is aware of the few omega leaders, he was even accidentally added to their private group chat by someone unaware of his fake beta status. Some of them included Solar of MAMAMOO, Eunkwang of BTOB, B.I of IKON, Irene of Red Velvet and JR of NU'EST.

Even after the mixup that nearly sent Junmyeon into heart failure, they'd decided to let him stay purely because he was good company.

But back to the point, as much as he adored NCT's fearless leader, he was prepared to murder him in this moment.

"It was no big deal," Junmyeon lies with a smile. "Just some medication that had a bad reaction is all, nothing major."

The three men all look at him unimpressed and he knows he's in more trouble that he expected. "There's a video we'd like to show you," The man on the right snarkily announces before turning his attention towards a tv to the left end of the large table.

He doesn't think much of the video at first, it appears to be a fanmade fancam of Junmyeon. It's inconspicuous at first, just a few wobbles and missed steps. Until the end.

Clearly this fan had decided to continue recording after the music stopped, because the next thing he knows, Junmyeon is watching himself fall; ear curdling screams leaving his mouth that are still heard even after his mic is ripped away.

He watches as Shownu and Wonho of Monsta X enter the stage and assist his members in moving his body backstage, his screams still echoing through the recording. Junmyeon remains silent as the video comes to a close, not even moving to look at the men sitting before him.

"Did you catch a look at Shownu and Wonho's arms? They must have worked out hard for their comeback?" Junmyeon asks in an attempt to distract the men who are silently staring at him waiting for an explanation. Their unimpressed looks become more severe the longer they silently stare waiting for the truth.

"Look, I had a really bad reaction to some meds I was taking for knee pain. They told me to stop taking it and i've been fine ever since." Junmyeon explains his carefully thought out lie. If he says it enough times, it has to be true, right?

The men look at him as though not believing his words. "We checked, you were absent from the encore stage. The rest of your members look like they've seen a ghost."

"I don't know if you noticed on your way in, but there have been fans protesting outside the building since that video was released, asking for an explanation."

"Are you completely sure you're telling us the truth? This is your last chance before we release a statement." The man on the left asks, expression open and understanding.

Junmyeon hesitates for a moment, debating telling the truth, before backing his lie.

"Okay, you can go now. Get ready for Lay's arrival." The man in the center says, and Junmyeon immediately makes for the exit.

"Oh and Junmyeon?" the man on the right says just before Junmyeon makes it through the door. He stops and steps back in to look at the man. "Congratulations on your recent weight loss, but you do realise the music video and promotions have already been released and completed right?" The man jokes condescendingly.

Junmyeon doesn't even bother to respond, just walking away in the direction of NCT's practice room. They're about to have a comeback so he knows that some of them will be there practicing.

He pops his head in through the door, and upon noticing him they all bow and greet him. "Hey guys, how's practice going?" Junmyeon asks politely as he stands before them awkwardly. They all answer happily, saying it's going well.

"Would you like to see a run through sunbaenim?" Johnny asks, and Junmyeon nearly hits him upside the head. "Ya! Johnny i've told you to not call me that, have you instilled in my dear dongsaengs that they have to call me that too?" Junmyeon whines, much to everyone's amusement.

"I would love to watch a run through to answer your question, but please just call me hyung," Junmyeon continues before taking a seat to watch their mini performance for him. At the end, he gives them all some useful critiques, showing them easier ways of completing some movements before getting to the reason he was really there.

"As enjoyable as that was, I actually came to speak with Taeyong, so if you have the time can we please step out for a moment?" Junmyeon asks, Taeyong immediately agrees and tells the boys to take a moment.

Before Junmyeon has even had a chance to say anything, Taeyong starts to speak. "This is about what I said to the corporate sunbae's isn't it? I didn't mean to get you into trouble, I thought they already knew."

Junmyeon lets out a short laugh before laying a hand on Taeyongs arm. "It's okay, I didn't get into any trouble. And even if I had, I understand that you only mentioned it because you care, so you have nothing to worry about."

"In the future though, If you could refrain from mentioning such topics to the corporate sunbaenims, I would appreciate it." Junmyeon explains, not quite scolding, but also not joking around.

"Of course! I'm sorry hyung, won't happen again I promise." Taeyong replies and Junmyeon simply answers with a smile and a nod.

When he turns around to leave though, he hesitates before turning back partially and asking, "The company has you pretending you're an alpha right?"

Taeyong seems taken back, clearly not expecting the question after what they were just discussing.

"Yes, they do." Taeyong answers. "Are you taking suppressants, blockers and birth control?" Junmyeon asks, much to Taeyongs embarrassment.

A clear blush paints Taeyongs cheeks as he replies, "Yes I'm currently taking all three." Junmyeon turns to face him fully, taking a step closer so he can speak quieter.

"Which one is least important?"

Taeyong feels like he wants to be swallowed by the floor, Junmyeon has never seen his face look so red. "I'm sorry?" He asks, clearly unsure of what Junmyeon means.

"Of the three, which is least important? Birth control, stopping your heats, or blocking your scent?" Junmyeon asks again, going into a bit more detail.

"Um, probably the suppressants? I have um, regular heats?" Taeyong answers, saying the last part quieter. Junmyeon takes another step forward and grips Taeyongs arm again, this time more tightly to show he is serious.

"Then I want you to go straight to management and tell them you are stopping your suppressants. I don't care how much they fight or argue, I don't care how harshly they want to punish you, I want you to stand your ground and tell them no." Junmyeon tells him in a dead serious tone.

Taeyong looks almost scared of him, his currently unblocked omega scent giving off a hint of distress as it floats through the air. "Hyung, are you okay? Is this to do with that article Irene noona was going to read?" He asks.

"Yes it does. Promise me Taeyong, I want you to promise me that as soon as I leave, you will go to management and tell them you are stopping your suppressants, and then I want you to completely stop them and just take the blockers okay?" Junmyeon says, stressing the importance of stopping the suppressants immediately.

"Then after that, I want you to go to the doctors and tell them you've been taking all three for the last two years so they can check you out okay?"

"Okay hyung, I promise." Taeyong tells him. Although he could have been lying, Junmyeon believes he'll listen to what he's been warned to do. "Good.. good. Okay, have a good day Taeyong-ah, good luck with management," He says before turning and leaving.

Once he's out of hearing range, Jaehyun opens the practice room door and walks to where his omega is standing wordlessly in the hall.

"Hyung are you okay?" Jaehyun asks as he wraps a gentle hand around Taeyongs waist. Taeyong nods slowly before turning around to his alpha.

"Junmyeon hyung just told me to go off my suppressants and stop taking all three of my meds," Taeyong explains, watching as the alphas face scrunches up in confusion.

"Why would he ask you to do that?" Jaehyun asks, Taeyong shrugging his shoulders in reply; still not fully knowing himself the reason for that conversation.

"He also told me to go to the doctors and tell them I've been taking all three, he said I need to get tested." Taeyong adds. Jaehyun only looks more confused at his continued relay of Junmyeons words. "Why would HE ask you to do that?"

"Well when you present, the doctors will either choose to put you on suppressants or blockers and then over time you can take birth control too." Taeyong explains, putting an arm around the alphas neck.

"They always tell you strictly to never take suppressants and blockers at the same time, especially not with birth control."

"But why would Junmyeon tell you to stop taking one of them?" Jeahyun asks, and Taeyong slides his arm down so his hand is in the hair at the back of Jaehyun's head.

"Well Irene noona was going to read an article about this last gasp thing." Taeyong mutters.

"But why did Junmyeon tell you to stop?" Jaehyun asks.

"I don't know," Taeyong replies. "But I think we need to look more onto this whole last gasp thing."

\--

Back at the dorms, Junmyeon is immediately bombarded by a million questions as soon as he steps foot inside the door. He tries to shush them, but they're all spitting questions so rapid fire he can't get a word in.

"FAMILY MEETING!" Junmyeon finally manages to shout above them all, promptly followed by an extreme coughing fit that he can't control. He almost gets brought to his knees by how harsh the coughs are, choking him and not giving him a chance to catch his breath.

When they finally begin to taper off, he pushes back to an upright position only to see all his members staring at him in horror. "I have important news," he adds with a final cough, before stepping past them all to get a glass of water from the kitchen.

He sips it slowly, being careful to not let it accidentally go down the wrong way. The presence of someone behind him has him turning, only to see Minseok leaning against the wall watching him.

"What are you not telling us hyung?" Minseok asks. It seems to be the only thing he asks these days, the only topic of conversation he cares to talk about.

"It's nothing, I was just dancing a bit with the NCT kids so i'm a bit tired." Junmyeon responds with a shake of his head.

"Now c'mon, I have big news for everyone," He continues before guiding Minseok to the lounge.

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I've called you here today," Junmyeon begins as if he's the star of some western romcom with a business meeting scene.

All the boys try to make guesses as to what he has to say, ranging from new album announcements to forced member enlistments. Junmyeon chuckles at their broad imaginations, before shushing them again to finally break the news.

"Drumroll please!" he calls, waiting for the thrum of their drumming hand before announcing, "EXO is headed for a special performance at MAMA with their main man Lay!"

By the squeals of excitement leaving the men in the lounge, you would assume you were listening in on a girl group dorm. They all leap from their seats and hug as they squeal their excitement. "Are you serious hyung? We're really gonna perform with Yixing hyung again?" Baekhyun asks with tear filled eyes.

It's been a long, tough and painful ride to try and get the 9 of them back together again. And as difficult as it was, doesn't compare to the overwhelming feeling of love and joy that passes through him as his members finally realise they will be whole again.

"Yeah, I promise this time it's for real," Junmyeon tells them, feeling choked up by the emotions rushing through him. "Now Yixing will be arriving in Korea in 3 days, we'll have 10 days to prepare before rehearsals begin at the place the ceremony is being held."

"I am gonna make plans for us to meet him in China so we can fly back together, we'll leave the day after tomorrow so get yourselves ready, we're gonna surprise him," Junmyeon tells them with a grin.

As the boys continue to celebrate, saying how excited they are to be performing together again and how they can't wait. He slips away quietly during the commotion, heading to his room and pulling out his pill containers.

He pours them all out into separate piles on his bed sheets, taking the time to count them out by day to see how many he has left. Grouped by day, he only has 17 days worth of pills worth. 16 if you only count the days where he has all the needed tablets.

He only has tomorrow left to get more pills, otherwise he will be too busy practicing. Placing the tablets back into their consecutive packet, he covers them quickly by his pillow when the door flies open and all his members rush in.

"Hey hyung, Yixing hyung just texted me," Baekhyun says as he jumps on Junmyeons bed right beside him. Junmyeon hums in interest, trying to maneuver his pills to a more hidden spot before one of the members moves his pillow and exposes him to the group.

"Yixing says that he got a call from Luhan hyung, apparently Yifan hyung, Luhan hyung and Tao are going to all be in Korea around the 20th," He reads.

"Isn't that around the time MAMA will be?"

Junmyeon feels his blood run cold, as if he's just seen a ghost.

"What?" He asks, as if he'd heard incorrectly. "Hyung are you okay? You don't look so good," Chanyeol asks as all eyes turn his direction.

"I need air," Junmyeon says as he pushes off his bed and rushes out the door, downstairs until he's pushing outside the dorm to stand in the street. He cups a hand over his mouth, feeling bile rise up his throat until he's bent over their trash can, emptying his already empty stomach.

When he finally pulls himself together, he slumps heavily on the ground with his head in his hands. This is all he's wanted for the last 3 years, for his family to finally be together again.

But now that it's happening, now that they'll finally be in the same place?

He's not ready. He can't do this. He was a failure of a leader, having three members of his family leave him. He's only been able to hold himself together because he has had no contact with them.

Although he's aware the others still talk amongst themselves, he never directly messages them himself. Only telling them to send his well wishes in the hopes they would understand why he wasn't strong enough to talk to them himself.

He was like a father who lost two of his children and his husband, it just wasn't the same anymore. The idea of having to face the one thing that made him a failure? He couldn't do that. He loved them with all his life, but he couldn't face them, couldn't face the people who chose to leave him.

What a sight he must have made, sitting alone on the curb sobbing into his hands at the thought of seeing 3 people from his past. He's pathetic, how is he supposed to keep himself together if he actually sees them in person.

He has no answers, and too many questions. All left unsolved.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I pre edited two chapters so i’ll have one to post next week. I had a bit of a triggering week irl so im having a hard time writing, but ill try because i want you all to be able to read more.
> 
> I love you all   
> -kim x

"Seriously guys, I just need to head out for like 20 minutes, and i'm all yours for the rest of the day," Junmyeon tries to bargain.

The current struggle is that Junmyeon had some extreme coughing fits and nausea through the night, making his members more clingy with him. And since their flight left tomorrow morning, they refused to let him out of their sight, lest he keel over and die.

The problem with this is, he needed to go out to buy more meds. Obviously he can't bring any of the members with him to the chemist, especially none of the omegas, or they'd find out what he's been hiding.

But if he can't get into the chemist today, he wont have any chance at all once they get to China, a place well known for its strict laws on suppressants and blockers.

He feels his frustration continue to bubble higher as Kyungsoo and Minseok both block him at the doorway to the apartment.

"I'll come too, gotta get some last minute things before the trip. Where do you have to go?" Kyungsoo asks, and Junmyeon has to refrain from kicking him in the shins. He heard Kyungsoo telling Jongin last night that he had everything ready to go, but he couldn't exactly point out the lie lest he be accused of eavesdropping.

"Hyung cmon, please just let me go. We have to get to the company soon!" Junmyeon whines at the alpha stood before him. Minseok gives him an unimpressed look, one eyebrow raised as he crosses his arms across his chest.

Junmyeon waves a hand in Kyungsoo's direction, but Minseok just shrugs. Junmyeon lets out a growl and tries to push past the two of them, but they don't even budge.

"If you're going out, we're going too," Kyungsoo repeats again, not caring that Junmyeon is clearly getting increasingly agitated.

Another growl leaves Junmyeon before he turns to head back in the direction of his room, only for his eyes to land on the rest of his members who have been silently watching the standoff.

"What are you all looking at?" Junmyeon snaps before stomping past them and back to his room.

Collapsing onto his bed, he buries his face in his pillow before screaming harshly into it, letting out all his anger. Junmyeon is sure all his members are standing outside the door listening to what he's doing, but they make no attempt to enter.

He remains in this position for a few minutes, feeling like his pillow is strangling him, but can't bring himself to move. When it finally gets to the point of near suffocation, he pushes himself to a sitting position and takes a couple steadying breaths.

He knows he has to go out and apologise for being so rude, go and be the leader he is and not the child he's acting like.

He knows their clinginess is coming from a place of caring, but he just wishes they'd stop for a minute and remember he is an adult. An adult who is older than all but one of them, and their leader no less! They're all supposed to listen to him.

Strengthening his will, he pushes to his feet And pads quietly towards the door of his room. He tries not to jump in surprise when seven pairs of eyes stare at him upon his exit, they all look like they've been caught doing something they shouldn't have been.

"Come on guys, we need to get going if we don't want the company to know that we are late," Junmyeon tells them through a calming breath.

He takes the lead, picking up his practice bag and heading for the door. Loud footfall follows him, his members rushing to grab their things and follow him out before he can escape them.

Junmyeon waits outside on the curb, and doesn't know whether to laugh or feel annoyed when all his members come tumbling outside to chase him.

Their eyes are wild with worry as they search for him, only to widen with shock at Junmyeons unamused eyes looking over them.

He shakes his head in disappointment, arms crossed over his chest as he turns and begins the walk to the SM building. The quiet mumbles of his members follow him as they talk amongst themselves, keeping a small distance behind him.

By the time they've made it to the company, Junmyeon has let his anger dissipate and allowed his members to start conversation with him.

"No! We won't have time for fun in China, we're only going to be there for one night," Junmyeon explains.

"Come on hyung, i'm sure we can find a free moment to go out. Jongdae hyung really wanted to go sightseeing." Jongin replies, shoving Jongdae lightly with a chuckle.

"Hey! it's been years since we last went, I just want to spend some time with Lay hyung," Jongdae whines, shoving Jongin back in return.

"Enough, if the reps hear you we'll never hear the end of it," Junmyeon warned, stopping to face the group in its entirety. "We know the company has something against letting us all be together, so you have to shut up and put on a smile."

Doing one last motion of pretending to zip his lips, Junmyeon then beckons the group to follow him inside.

They say their hellos to the people they pass, random workers and trainees on their way to practice. It's always interesting watching people get starstruck over his members, their eyes lighting up in excitement.

He slips away and heads into their practise room, flicking on the lights and dropping his bag near the door to move the curtain from in front of the mirror.

He stares at himself in the reflection, looking at his pale skin and sunken features. A knock startles him, and upon turning around he notices one of their stylists waiting for him.

"Noona, you surprised me," Junmyeon admits with a laugh and he makes his way toward her. She laughs before apologising.

"Sorry, I came to tell you that we need you all to come try on your outfits so we can finish altering them before you leave tomorrow. Can you please come to the style room?" Ham-Bi asks before ducking out the door.

A few moments later, the rest of his members wander in happily, dropping their bags down before getting to their spots ready for the first run through of the day.

"Change of plans everybody! We're gonna head to the style room for final fittings and alterations so let's get going before Ham-Bi noona comes back with a vengeance," Junmyeon explains, and they all immediately head towards the style room.

"Noona's!" Baekhyun calls happily as they enter the style room. Ham-Bi, Sujin and Chaeyun, their three main stylists, all immediately look up in the direction of the door; smiles on their faces.

Junmyeon, Jongdae and Jongin are all called over first. The three of them are the ones who usually require no alterations because of their lack of weight fluctuation.

"Junmyeon, i'm sorry you'll have to be done at the end." Ham-Bi mentions the moment Junmyeon steps out from behind the curtain he changed behind.

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow at her before stepping in front of the mirror. His pants are loose on his waist and legs, his black turtleneck is gaping, and his jacket doesn't fit properly.

He bites his lip as he looks at himself, silently taking a seat so one of his members can take his place. He doesn't meet the eyes of his members, keeping them closed or turned down at his hands.

One by one, his members are sent away to get to practicing as he continues to wait for his turn. He gets called up at the same time as Baekhyun, the only remaining person.

"Goodness Junmyeon, you need to gain some weight! What has the company done to you!" Ham-Bi sadly exclaims as he shrugs off the jacket, allowing her to begin pinning his clothes to do alterations.

"You're basically as small as Baekhyun! You may as well swap clothes," Sujin jokes as she pins Baekhyun's shirt.

"Here you need to try this harness on too." Ham-Bi says as she helps Junmyeon into a white harness that goes around his neck and waist. "Even this isn't tight enough," She mumbles to herself as she tries to tighten it.

Junmyeon remains silent, staring wordlessly at himself as pins are placed to cinch his clothing. "I'm sorry," He quietly tells her when she allows him to change into his practice clothing.

She simply flashes him a sad smile before allowing him to leave. He releases a sigh as he treks back to the practice room, avoiding the pointed looks of his members.

"Okay, lets begin and once Baek joins we can begin properly." Junmyeon announces with a clap as he wanders to the laptop to begin the music.

Once Baekhyun joins them, they manage 7 full run-throughs before something is off. By the 11th run through, he knows he's going to be sick.

He only just manages to get to the bin before he's spilling his empty stomach, dry heaving so hard he can't breathe.

Someone comes over and rubs his back, patting it when he retches again. He can hear a vague murmur telling him he'll be okay, as somebody drapes a wet towel on his neck.

"Oh god," Junmyeon groans when he finally regains control over his body. "I'm sorry," he apologises as he wiped his mouth with the back of his arm.

"Hyung it's okay.. I think you should sit out though," Kyungsoo replies as he passes over Junmyeon's water bottle.

Junmyeon agrees, slowly padding over to the corner near the open door before dropping to a seated position.

For the first few minutes, he sits and watches his members practice. But then a thought comes to him, now would be the perfect time to leave for the chemist.

With his decision made, he carefully creeps out the open practice room door and makes a break for it.

Only to come face to face with the girls of Red Velvet, who startle upon seeing him.

"Oppa, where did you come from?" Yerim asks as she looks around the corner he appeared from.

"I was just leaving actually, I have to run an errand," Junmyeon explains, trying to slip away. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy, as was proven correct when a hand comes up and stops him from moving.

Irene raises a brow at him, the omega giving him an up and down look. "Oppa you look terrible," Irene states plainly, and Junmyeon can feel himself flush at her lack of filter.

"Babe, that's rude you can't say that," Seulgi scolds as she slaps her girlfriend on the arm. The omega and alpha frown at each other before turning their attention back to him.

"How about you come and eat with us, you can tell us about what Exo is getting up to," Wendy offers, ever the mediator.

Junmyeon tries to politely decline, but Joy grabs him by the arm and begins leading him to the cafeteria.

He's forced into a seat, Joy, Wendy and Seulgi leaving to grab food for everybody. His fingers tap along the edge of the table as he attempts to think up an excuse for why he urgently has to leave.

"So I heard that you were being weird with Taeyong the other day," Irene plainly states. Junmyeon raises his eyes to her and bites his lip before looking away.

"I wasn't being weird."

"Yes you were, he told Seulgi all about it yesterday when they were practicing." Irene explains, obviously not believing him.

"Okay maybe I was a little weird," Junmyeon reluctantly agrees as he shuffles in his seat. "But it wasn't just for no reason, it was about the article you read us."

She hums as she stares him down. "Okay, so then why did he say you were being weird?" She questions.

"Well.. I don't know," Junmyeon tells her, and she hums again.

"Great, so you're just a weird creep, love that for you oppa," Irene plainly states and Yerim laughs at her words.

Junmyeons eyes go wide as he looks back at her, sputtering in an attempt to save himself. "I'm not a creep!"

"Oppa, even I must admit it was a little bit creepy," Yerim agrees with an apologetic tone.

"What was a little bit creepy?" Wendy asks as she takes the seat beside Junmyeon, placing a tray of food in front of him.

"Junmyeon oppa's behaviour towards Taeyong," Irene explains.

"Unnie! I thought we agreed you wouldn't say anything! I told you that in confidence," Seulgi complains as she takes her seat at the table.

"I had to say something! Taeyong is one of my only omega friends and Junmyeon oppa was being weird. No offence," Irene says to him.

Junmyeon wishes in that moment he could shrivel up in a ball and disappear. Omega all have a tendency to stick together against outside forces if their alphas weren't involved, it's not her fault that she was unaware of his true omega nature.

He wishes he could tell her the truth, explain why he acted so weirdly towards Taeyong, but he can't.

He can't even explain to Taeyong that his words are coming from a place of knowing, so how could he tell her?

"No offence taken," he quietly mutters as he attempts to eat some of his food, he'll be lucky if he manages to keep any of it down at this point.

"On a different note," Wendy begins, steering the conversation elsewhere. "I heard that you're going to be performing at MAMA with Lay oppa."

A smile begins to bloom on his face at the words. "Yeah, the company finally ran out of excuses so they had no choice," Junmyeon explains happily.

"It's been such a long time coming, I can't imagine being separated from my pack for that long," Joy says, looking at her members who all nod in agreement.

"Well, we aren't actually a pack.." Junmyeon explains awkwardly.

Joys eyes widen immediately and she begins to apologise, "I'm sorry oppa, I didn't mean to assume. We just all thought.."

He shakes his head awkwardly, turning his eyes away as they fill with tears.

It's very common among idol groups to form pack's or pack bonds. It's actually more rare to find a group that hasn't formed a bond than to find one who has.

He knows that everyone assumes Exo is a pack, the members have tried to suggest it over the years, but it always fell through.

"It just never came up, but we're all still a family," Junmyeon explains with a teary smile. He takes a final mouthful of his food, much to his stomachs disdain. Barely 3 bites in and he knows if he forces anymore it will come up directly on the table.

An awkward aura surrounds the table, no matter what they attempt to talk about; it somehow goes awry.

"So.. did anyone else hear that they've added another unit to NCT?" Yerim asks in an attempt to change the subject again.

"Another one? That makes what, four?" Seulgi asks and Yerim nods.

"I heard from Renjun that it'll be a chinese unit, but they aren't adding the Dream chinese members," Yerim explains before taking a mouthful of her food.

"Why would they do that? They should be allowed the chance too," Wendy questions.

"Well, we cant be that surprised." Junmyeon interrupts when there's a quiet moment. "We all know that SM has something against their chinese idols, i'm surprised they'd even make a chinese unit."

"Apparently they want to pull Winwin oppa from 127 and put him in the chinese unit," Yeri replies, stabbing her spoon randomly in the air as if visualising moving Winwin around.

"But 127 is supposed to be the only set unit, they can't pull him," Junmyeon says in a questioning tone. "Plus, they only just had a comeback, how could they make him leave during promotions?"

"The announcement is planned for after promotion finishes, and even then they don't plan to release member info until sometime next year," Yerim answers.

"God, you can't have anything nice if you plan to be under SM," Junmyeon complains, leaning on his hand.

They all continue to chat for a few more minutes before Junmyeon attempts to leave again. "Alright guys, I really do have some errands to run before my flight tomorrow so i'll have to be going now."

"Okay oppa, be safe!" Joy replies as he stands up from the table and bows at them.

He's just about to turn and make for the exit when he hears a familiar voice.

"Hyung! We've been looking everywhere for you!" Sehun calls as he dashes across the cafeteria to get to Junmyeons location by the table.

Junmyeon almost wants to cry. He was so close, he was almost able to break away and get out of here unnoticed.

"Hi oppa, i'm sorry we kind of kidnapped Junmyeon oppa," Joy explains as she looks between the two.

It's probably clear to them that Junmyeon is disappointed at having been found by Sehun, and even Junmyeon can see that Sehun looks unnaturally worried.

"Come on hyung, we all decided to go home early since you weren't feeling well," Sehun explains as he wraps an arm around his leader's shoulders.

Junmyeon sighs sadly, saying another goodbye to the girls before allowing Sehun to guide him back to the practice room where everyone is waiting for them.

"Hyung, where were you!" Baekhyun whines before pulling the leader into a hug. Everyone lets out a collective sigh upon seeing him, as if they had been holding their breath whilst they looked for him.

"I found him in the cafeteria with Red Velvet," Sehun explains to the room, and Junmyeon can almost feel the scolding they want to give him.

"How could you just disappear like that! we were worried sick!" Minseok nearly shouts as he stands with his hands on his hips.

Junmyeon pulls out of Baekhyun's embrace angrily. "I'm an adult! I can do what I want, you can't keep me like your pet!" Junmyeon growls, stepping closer to Minseok.

"You aren't my alpha, so stop acting like it," he spits out, before turning around and grabbing his bag. He's barely out the door before footsteps are following him.

Once he's made it back to their dorm, Junmyeon slammed into his room and threw the door closed heavily behind him.

He doesn't worry over whether or not Sehun needed to come in, because he wanted to be alone.

He stands angrily in the middle of the room, trying to decide what to do with his anger; when he hears the lock on the door click shut.

Every bedroom has a lock on the inside and the outside, for in case someone goes into heat; the outer lock keys are kept in the kitchen.

Junmyeon steps up to the door and turns the knob, but the door remains shut.

"Hey! What the fuck!" Junmyeon yells as he bangs his hands on the door.

"This is just a precaution, we'll let you out when it's time to leave tomorrow." Minseok yells back, and Junmyeons anger rises.

"No, no let me out! You can't lock me in here, please!" Junmyeon cries as he slams more frantically against the door.

"Hyung please! I'm sorry okay, please let me out!"

His words do nothing, the door stays locked and nobody answers his calls. A sense of panic bubbles to the surface when he realises he's stuck, how is he meant to get his meds if he's locked in his bedroom with no escape?

After a while, he ends up sitting on his bed crying. How could his members do this? All he wanted was some personal freedom and they decided to lock him up like an animal.

Through his tears, he picks up his phone looking through the numbers until he finds the one he wants to call.

He almost wishes he'd get an answer, but he knows he won't.

Hey you've reached Yifan, I can't come to the phone right now so leave a message after the beep.

"Hey 'fan.. I know you won't get this, but I really wish you would. I miss your voice," Junmyeon says, tucking himself into the corner of his bed against the wall.

"Well, I really miss you in general.. My whole life started falling apart the minute you left, and as angry as I want to be.."

"I just wish you were still here with me. I can't do this by myself, I'm not a leader, none of them will listen to me." Junmyeon softly cries.

"Why did you have to leave me? I understand why you had to leave the company but you didn't have to leave me," He barely whispers.

"I need to tell someone the truth, and I know you'll never hear this so i guess its you.. im a-" Before Junmyeon can finish his sentence, the phone cuts him off and ends his message short.

He lets his hand slide from his ear, his phone dropping to the bed beside him as he curls into a ball and cries, letting out all the pain he's been holding until eventually, he finds rest.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its my birthday tomorrow! I may post another chapter as a birthday present to all my readers!
> 
> Thank you all for your patience! love you all!  
> -Kim xo

"Hyung we said we're sorry, can we please just pretend it never happened?" Chanyeol whines for what feels like the thousandth time in the past two minutes.

When they'd finally unlocked the door, Junmyeon had continued to ignore them. He dismissed everything they tried to say, only following when their manager came to get them for the airport.

"Junmyeon you know why we had to do it, now if you dont start talking i'll have to go all alpha wolf on you," Minseok threatens, and that finally gets his attention.

"I want all of you to stay the fuck away from me, you betrayed my trust and I don't want to be near any of you right now," Junmyeon quietly grumbles, trying to keep their manager from hearing.

A few whines come from the seats behind him, the omegas clearly upset at his words. "Hyung I know that you don't understand why we did it, but you have to forgive us." Kyungsoo complains as he leans into Junmyeons peripheral.

"Do I? Cause right now I feel like I should have listened to Yifan when we were trainees, I should have left with him," Junmyeon replies.

"You don't mean that," Jongdae whines.

"You think so? None of you respect me, none of you listen to me, none of you trust me.. What reason do I have to stay." Junmyeon spits, finally looking over each of his members one at a time.

All of them look utterly heartbroken, each of them with shattered expressions, some of them even near tears.

"I have devoted my entire life, everything that makes me who I am, to this team and have gotten nothing in return. So why should I continue to bother with all this hm?" He asks sarcastically, turning back to face forward.

There's a moment of silence before they all seem to begin speaking at once. "You know I can't understand you if you all speak at once."

His words snap them all out of it, until they all begin speaking one at a time. Explaining their love and appreciation for him and all he's done for them.

"Hyung, you know that we would do anything for you. Our hearts live and die with this team, please don't leave us," Sehun pleads.

Junmyeon turns his head to the window, the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. "What you guys did really hurt me," he whispers.

"We know, and we're sorry. But we only did it because we thought it would keep you safe." Minseok explains.

"Promise me you'll never do anything like that again," Junmyeon says, turning to the boys who all immediately promise and agree.

"Okay, last chance.. don't try pulling anything like that ever again." He agrees, and the tension visibly lifts and the car becomes more free.

The plane ride is hard, lots of scents of anxiety running rampant through the small carriage. Junmyeon tries to block his nose the best he can, but it doesn't really help.

At some point, Minseok passes over the jacket he'd been wearing when they first got on the plane, the scent on it helping to block out everything else.

He thanks Minseok before throwing the jacket over his face, like you do as a child if you want to read under your blanket at night time.

It helps him to drift into sleep, all the anxious scents being blocked out.

Under the cover of the jacket, Junmyeon unzips his own jacket and grabs a fist of his own shirt, the shirt Yifan left behind.

It's stupid for him to wear it, especially somewhere public with his members watching over him constantly; but he couldn't help it. The shirt had special meaning to him, it held memories of special moments spent with his co- leader.. Well, ex co- leader.

Getting off the plane and getting a gulp of fresh air, Junmyeon was so distracted in his attempt to quickly escape the confined aircraft, that he almost forgot to zip his jacket back up.

He would have been caught out straight away, what with Kris's name printed blazingly across the front of his chest.

"Hyung slow down, you're gonna fall down the stairs if you're not careful," Jongin tells him as he grabs hold of Junmyeons arm; stopping him from running down the stairs that lead out from the plane.

"Sorry, I just hate being in there will all the anxiety smells." Junmyeon replies before slowing down, taking the steps carefully. "I dont know it just seemed worse today."

Jongin hums at his words, stopping them once they reach the bottom of the stairs. "I actually thought it was better today, less anxious scents than usual."

Junmyeon shrugs, smiling at his members when they come to where he's stood with Jongin. "So what's first on the agenda?" Jondgae questions as he comes to a stop.

"Well I texted Yixings manager when the plane landed and he says they're nearly here," Baekhyun replies.

They begin the trek inside, getting through customs to the waiting room where the managers told them to wait.

A security team meets them, and begins to escort them through the airport. Luckily there aren't too many fans around, because this schedule hadn't been announced to the public.

About 10 meters from reaching the exit, the group stops in their tracks when they see a confused Yixing standing with his security team.

Junmyeon doesn't even realise he's crying until he's wrapped up in Yixing's arms. It's been so long, the secret phone calls and secret meetings every few months never feel enough.

So to be able to finally meet in public without worry of trouble with the company, it just feels like a massive weight has been lifted.

"What are you guys doing here! I thought you had this month off?" Yixing cries as he tries to wrap all eight of them in a hug at the same time.

"It was so last minute, we have another surprise for you too," Junmyeon says through his hiccuping sobs.

There's a collecting hum of crying echoing through the airport as they cry, their fans bawling at the reunion they'd all been hoping for.

"I'm sorry, but we need to move," one of the security guards says apologetically, interrupting their moment and jump starting them on their way to the exit.

Junmyeon sends a thankful prayer to whoever sorted out their transport when he sees the large 12 person van waiting to pick them up.

The van immediately takes them to Yixing's restaurant of choice, and they go inside to immediately start their catch up.

There's a moment when they're getting ready to sit down that Junmyeon almost unzips his jacket, only catching himself at the last second; leaving him as the only person in their coat.

"So tell me what i've missed," Yixing asks happily, the smile never leaving his face. Everyone tries to jump to speaking at once, all talking over each other to tell him first.

"Jongin and Yunho hyung caught Chanyeol and Baekhyun making out in TVXQ's practice room!" Jongdae shouts.

"Sehun nearly burnt down the dorm," Kyungsoo says.

"An idol confessed to Kyungsoo in front of Jongin," Chanyeol calls, immediately getting elbowed in the chest by Jongin; causing a huff of air to leave him as he rubs the spot.

"Jongdae hyung's dog pooped on his pillow when he was allowed in the dorms," Sehun says with a chuckle.

"Minseok hyung nearly crashed his car when he was reversing out of a parking spot," Baekhyun teases, receiving a smack over the back of his head from Minseok.

"Yeah well Baekhyun flashed one of the managers because he was trying to surprise Chanyeol," Minseok claims, sticking his tongue out childishly at a horrified Chanyeol.

"I accidentally stabbed myself in the foot because I dropped a knife cooking with Kyungsoo hyung," Jongin confesses innocently in an attempt to ease the tension. Kyungsoo smiles widely at him and rubs his head, which Jongin leans into happily.

Junmyeon sits silently, watching his self made family laugh and talk amongst themselves all together for the first time in 7 months.

He cant help but smile as he looks over them, laughing along with them.

"So what's been going on here hyung?" Sehun asks during a quiet moment.

"Well i'm releasing a new single as a Christmas special, it'll be coming out on Christmas day." Yixing explains.

"That's great hyung! We'll definitely be listening out for it," Chanyeol excitedly replies, almost knocking his glass off the table.

"So did you hear any more on the big three?" Minseok asks carefully. All eyes turn in Junmyeons direction, watching his reaction carefully.

He still remembers the moment that they had found him crying on the curb after the news broke of their possible reunion at the award show.

Junmyeon gives an awkward smile before turning his eyes to Yixing and giving a small nod.

"Well, I spoke to a few of my friends around the industry, Luhan hyung is going to Korea for a red carpet, Tao will be there for a private schedule and Yifan hyung has a meeting with SM." Yixing explains.

"So then Yifan hyung will be hanging around the company building," Jongdae states in return.

"Yeah I believe so, apparently it's to do with contract stuff," Yixing replies, scanning the menu in front of him.

"I think i heard that they're thinking of settling with him, so he has to come in."

Yixing goes to continue speaking, but the waiter appears at the table speaking in rapid mandarin. The members all relay their orders to Yixing who translates for them.

"And you?" Yixing directs his question at Junmyeon who just awkwardly twiddles his fingers. "Uh, i'm good."

The speed at which everybody's heads turn to look at him would be comical if not for the expressions they all held.

"Hyung, you didnt have dinner last night or anything to eat this morning," Sehun prompts, as if that makes any difference to Junmyeons lack of hunger.

"I'm not hungry," Junmyeon informs them and all but Yixing start to get desperate looks on their face. "Hyung I cant even remember the last time yo-" Baekhyun doesn't have a chance to finish his statement before Junmyeon is cutting him off.

"I ate with the Red Velvet girls yesterday, it's fine," Junmyeon explains, but Sehun catches his lie quickly.

"Hyung I saw yesterday, your plate was full when we left the girls."

Junmyeon is feeling tempted to smash his head on the table and end his misery.

"Hyung, I didn't want to say it but the last time something like this happened was with Minseok hyung." Jongin carefully words, looking at Minseok.

Minseok surprisingly nods his head in agreement, "Even I ate more than you have during that time, is that what this is? Some kind of eating disorder?" Minseok asks.

Junmyeon quickly shakes his head, even if it leaves him feeling dizzy. "Guys, what did we talk about earlier with the whole trust thing?"

All of them start to look slightly uncomfortable, but Kyungsoo answers, "Hyung we just want you to be okay, and you clearly aren't."

As sad as Junmyeon feels about lying to them, he cant help but feel anger bubble up his throat as he tries to keep himself from bursting.

"You need to leave it alone, now." Junmyeon mutters with a glare.

An awkward silence surrounds the table, before Yixing kindly sends the waiter away and attempt to lighten the mood again.

Junmyeon continues to remain silent as Minseok and himself stare at each other with a frown. There's an obvious atmosphere of discomfort between Minseok and Junmyeon, practically tangible in the air.

"So.. I have something i'd like to talk about with the group now that we're together again." Baekhyun mentions, grabbing everyones attention with his perky yet tentative tone.

"Ive wanted to talk about this for a while, but it didnt feel right having the discussion when we were separated."

"I think we should form a pack bond," Baekhyun blurts out, which immediately grabs Junmyeons attention and causes him to whip his head around with wide eyes.

"We never did it in the past because we were a bit shaky with people leaving, but i've though about it; the company legally cant separate us if we've got a pack bond, it's in the contract!" Baekhyun explains in excitement, bouncing in his seat.

"What? Baekhyun no," Junmyeon immediately begins to disagree, but Baekhyun barrels on without stopping.

"I checked over our contracts with a lawyer, and there's a specific part making it so you can't seperate bonded groups unless they voluntarily separate," He says whilst pulling paper out of the bag he brought with him.

He passes one out to each of them, with a highlighted passage about pack bonds.

"Baekhyun we've talked about this," Junmyeon tries to stop him, panic and anger rising as he realises how screwed he is.

Everytime they've discussed a pack bond, something will happen shortly after that stops them and delays the subject for another year or two.

It's not that Junmyeon doesn't want to become a pack, he loves his members and wishes deeply that they could complete a bond.

But the facts remain, that if they form a pack bond they'll all learn the truth about his omega designation; something he can't let them know about.

"But hyung think about it, the last time we talked about it we were so sure that we should do it before Yixing hyung got sent away and then he was! We need to do this now!" Baekhyun argues his point, but Junmyeon just frantically shakes his head.

"No! Baekhyun we can't, I'm not.. We just cant!" Junmyeon argues back, his words getting trapped in his throat as he feels himself getting boxed in.

He doesn't have any reason that would be viable as to why they shouldn't do it.

"Cmon Junmyeon, Baekhyun has a point, this would be the perfect way to stop the company from separating us again," Minseok butts in as he attempts to ease the palpable tension running through the table.

Junmyeon begins to tear up as fury passes through him, why can they not just listen to him for once?

"No! Seriously guys, this is not happening!" Junmyeon repeats, basically yelling at this point.

They all stare at him in shock. Its a rare occasion for Junmyeon to yell; but for him to yell in a public space about a subject that HE always tried to bring up and make happen?

"Hyung.." Baekhyun whimpers sadly. "Why would you not want this? A pack bond could keep us all together."

"Other than Yixing, none of you have given me a reason to want a pack bond," Junmyeon hisses out. "Why would I want to form a pack bond with any of you?"

He regrets the words as soon soon as they leave his mouth, and the looks on his members faces are absolutely devastating, but he can't bring himself to take them back.

The apology is trapped in his throat, choking him and refusing to let go. He can't make things right, he's ruined everything, what is wrong with him? They deserve better than him.

Junmyeon scrubs his face of the tears littering his cheeks before standing up and grabbing his things. "I'm sorry Yixing but i'm leaving, I just.. I can't," Junmyeon says before walking away from the table and out of the restaurant.

He finds the managers sitting in the van outside the restaurant, and both jump in surprise when he rips the van door open and gets inside.

"Take me back to the hotel please," Junmyeon politely orders as he buckles his seatbelt.

"Junmyeon, where are the others?" Manager Woojin asks as he turns and sees an almost empty van.

Junmyeon wipes his face again, waving the manager off with his other hand. "They're staying longer, can you please just take me back?"

There's a few silent moments where nothing happens, before the front door opens and the other manager gets out to wait with the members.

He whispers a quiet 'thank you' when the van begins moving, turning to lean his head against the window; silently wishing away the tears streaming steadily down his face.

God. What is wrong with him?


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me!! it’s my birthday so you get another chapter cause im feeling good!  
> I hope everyone has an incredible day, i love you all! thank you all for sticking with me through everything!  
> -kim xo

"Which room?" Junmyeon asks his manager as they silently wait for the elevator to reach the 7th floor, where Exo's room are situated.

"You're in 708," manager Woojin replies, just as the elevator dings and the doors slide open for them to exit.

Junmyeon thanks him before taking the keycard Woojin holds out for him. It takes him a few moments to find his room, as he accidentally goes down the wrong hallway at first.

Closing the door of his room behind him, he let's out a harsh sigh. He drops his stuff on the floor beside the bed before grabbing a pillow and shoving his face into it.

Once his face is thoroughly covered, he lets out a scream of agitation; letting out all the feelings he'd held back at the restaurant.

"How could I say that to them," Junmyeon mutters to himself as he flops down on the bed unceremoniously. "I'm supposed to lead them, how could I treat them so badly."

Junmyeon can't help the uncontrollable irritability he's been feeling recently, it's as if anything and everything can set him off. From the smallest of things, he'll be huffing with anger and ready to burst.

It leaves him feeling defeated. How can he be a proper leader when he has no control of himself. Maybe he really should just leave, set his members free and release himself from the captivity he forced upon himself.

With another defeated sigh, Junmyeon grabs his phone from the floor, and turns it on, opening Instagram and flicking through his feed. Occasionally he stops and leaves comments or likes on his friends posts, but mostly he just flicks past unbothered.

After a while, he checks his tagged page, wanting to see whats their fans were saying. At this point it's almost definite that they all know Exo is in China, but he's curious as to if they've guessed why.

Instead of what he expected, photos of him and his members hugging, he sees millions of pictures of him walking by himself. And honestly it gives him a bit of a shock.

He immediately sits up in bed, feeling his heartbeat skyrocket as he clicks onto the internet. After putting Exo into the search bar, he feels tears well up as he reads the article names.

Instead of heartwarming passages about the reunion of the nine members, all the top articles are about Junmyeon and his weight loss.

He clicks onto the first article he sees, which happens to be a dispatch one, and feels his stomach lurch as he reads through it.

The article has a detailed timeline of Junmyeon's fast weight loss, beginning at the first day of practising for the comeback two months ago, to the pap pics from the airport as they left Korea.

Seeing it all laid out so plainly, Junmyeon can't help but feel self consciousness pour over him, as if someone had just poured a bucket of ice cold water on him.

Scrolling further down the article, tears already pouring down his cheeks, he sees pictures of some of his lowest moments from the past month come back to haunt him.

There's a photo of him sitting alone in the street with his head in his hands, taken the moment he'd learnt that Kris, Luhan and Tao would be in Korea and he may have to face them.

A picture of him awkwardly leaning against someone's fence in a random street, his eyes closed as if he's about to drop on the spot and faint.

A photo of Minseok holding him up as they walk through the SM entertainment lobby towards the practice rooms.

At the end, there are some photos of him on a gurney being wheeled into an ambulance, from their first day of promotion.

He lets his tear clouded eyes skim over some of the article to get a feel for what it's saying.

**_While promoting their newest single 'Tempo' an incident involving Suho resulted in a visit to the hospital, fans sent their support but received no information on what happened and if the leader of EXO was okay._ **

Junmyeon bites his lip anxiously as he reads the words. Had he just told the company what happened, they would have had a chance to release something sooner. The information released was a lie made up by Junmyeon himself, but none of the fans believed it and are still begging for the truth.

_**At the airport today, EXO was spotted leaving for China. But fans were more distracted by the obvious weight loss Suho has undertaken over the last month.** _

_**Fans are worried due to the rapid nature at which the weight was lost and for how extreme the loss is. Fans noted that the leader was sluggish and tired when they met him.** _

"Calm down Junmyeon, it's fine, you're fine," Junmyeon tells himself. The article has been alot more tame than Junmyeon had been anticipating when reading it.

Although, he realises he spoke too soon when he gets to the next paragraph, and begins to feel sick.

_**A source at SM entertainment has revealed that Suho, also known as Junmyeon, has been sick since practice for their comeback first began. It was revealed that for the first time ever, Suho has had to have multiple refitting sessions for his stage outfits that become increasingly too large on his waining figure.** _

_**It's also been said that our source has not once in the past month seen Suho eat a full meal, and is lucky to get two bites in before stopping; if he even eats at all.** _

"Oh god," he whimpers as he covers his mouth with his hand, trying to steady his stuttering breaths. Scrolling further down, he comes to the comments, and starts to read them with careful eyes.

_**KwonRi :** good riddence, he was a terrible leader anyway!_

_**An Mi-Yeon :** he wishes he looked as good as baekhyun oppa! he just looks washed up, he should leave!_

_**Ong Sohyon :** If he keeps acting this way, he'll bring his group down! What is he trying to do!_

_**Chae Hyunso :** He looks so gross now, how could he think that looks good? He should leave now and keep whats left of his pride._

_**Cha Ae :** how could he make the other oppas look bad like this! they deserve a better leader! Minseok oppa should be the leader instead!_

_**Hwang Sohyon :** That's what happens when you let someone with no talent debut, they only made him leader cause he can't do anything else, he's useless!_

_**Chun Hye-Jung :** I was there during the Tempo performance! He was so unstable and kept making mistakes, he made the EXO oppas look so bad! Even those rookie kids from Stray Kids did a better job than him! He should leave now before their reputation is ruined._

_**Ong Yong-Ja :** Suho oppa used to be my bias, but now he just annoys me to watch. Have some pride for your group._

Each word feels like a dagger through his chest, all of them saying the things he'd always been thinking. He's such a disappointment. What was he thinking? He was never made to lead a group or be a celebrity.

Junmyeon throws his phone across the room, uncaring when it hits the wall with a loud sound before dropping to the tile floor.

He kicks down the blankets on his bed, and tucks himself under them; pulling them up over his head before curling up in a ball.

It's hot under the covers, humid from his gasping breaths as he tries to control the sobs escaping his body.

He's a failure, a let down to his team and his company. How is he supposed to be a role model for anybody when he is such a disappointment. Living a lie and failing to be what he's supposed to.

A whining sound shocks him out from under his covers, his eyes landing on tear blurred figures standing at the doorway to his room. There's a split second where he panics, believing someone had broken into the room.

In the end though, a quiet coo of his name by Yixing makes him recognise the people in the doorway are his members.

To be sure, Junmyeon scrubs the tears from his eyes; the boys becoming more clear.

They stare at him in surprise, it's rare for them to see Junmyeon crying like this; as he usually tries to hold back his feelings.

So standing there, watching as their leader bites his lower lip in an attempt to control the quivering caused by his tears; they cant help but be surprised.

"Hyung.. what happened to your phone?" Sehun asks, stepping away from the group to pick up the broken phone. The front screen is smashed, glass littering the floor where it landed after it was thrown.

Remembering the reason for him throwing his phone, Junmyeons lips quiver uncontrollably before a sob forces its way past his lips.

"Get out," Junmyeon whimpers as he tucks himself under the covers again. There's no force behind his words, just defeat and pain.

A few moments of silence passes, before Yixing whispers, "You guys wait in the hallway, give me a few minutes."

The sound of shuffling feet is followed by the sound of the door closing, before a weight settles on the bed beside Junmyeon.

"Myeonie, come out and tell me what's wrong," Yixing says; patting the lump under the covers. Junmyeon wiggles out of reach, but the hand just comes back, and after a few minutes of convincing; he finally pulls the blankets down and sits up.

"Myeon, what happened?," Yixing asks again, giving the elder a few moments to answer.

Junmyeon would rather not have this conversation, he hates showing a weak front for the people relying on him, but he can't help his nature.

"People are just really mean," Junmyeon whispers, sounding husky from his tears. Yixing gets up from the bed and grabs a water bottle from the fridge before passing it to Junmyeon.

A small 'thank you' falls from Junmyeon's lips as he takes the bottle, opening it before chugging half of it at once.

"Wow, you were certainly thirsty," Yixing laughs as he comes back to the bed.

A quaint silence fills the room as Junmyeon attempts to calm himself, finally bringing himself to look Yixing in the eyes.

"Myeon, I know it's been a while since we saw each other in person.. But what happened to you?" Yixing tentatively questions as he stares cautiously at the leader.

Junmyeon stares awkwardly into Yixings eyes, before turning them towards his hands. "Nothing happened, i'm fine."

Yixings scent flares up, disbelief and agitation swirling through the room. "Junmyeon.."

"Nothing happened.. I'm fine," Junmyeon lies for what feels like the millionth time in the last month. Junmyeon has never lied so much in his entire life, yet this past month it's become an everyday occurrence.

"I know that's what you're telling yourself, but I know you aren't, we all do." Yixing calmly replies. He slowly brings a hand up to place on Junmyeon's shoulder.

Junmyeon allows himself to flop forward so his head in pressed to Yixing's chest, allowing Yixing to wrap his arm around Junmyeon's back.

"Everything will be okay, just trust me on that," Junmyeon whispers to Yixing, who sighs but agrees.

"You know that I trust you, never doubt that," Yixing tells him, as if it's the most important thing he's ever said in his life.

"Well.. I thought the same of the others but they showed their true colours," Junmyeon mutters in reply.

"We all love you, everything we do and say is always to protect you. You'd do the same if you were us," Yixing explains. Although Junmyeon knows this already, he cant help but feel that it's all a lie.

"You know, they were all so sad when you left. They filled me in on everything that's happened recently," Yixing explains as he runs his hand through Junmyeon's hair.

"Maybe you aren't ready to tell us yet what's wrong, but you have to tell us eventually. We aren't going anywhere," Yixing informs him, a serious tone overtaking his voice.

"Maybe you're not going anywhere," Junmyeon whispers back, the 'but I might be' staying silent.

"Nope, we aren't going anywhere without you," Yixing reinforces, oblivious to Junmyeon's internal battle.

Junmyeon know's he's running out of time, that if he doesn't give up the suppressants and the blockers and the birth control he'll probably waste away and die.

But he can't. He can't do it.

So instead, he shakes off the thoughts of what he knows will happen and tries to think of where he can get more in the next couple days before he runs out.

"Okay." Junmyeon says, sitting up on the bed before turning towards the doorway.

"You guys can come out now."

The rest of his members skulk out from behind the wall that leads to the door. Each one of them have different versions of embarrassment on their faces, knowing they got caught being somewhere they shouldn't have.

"It's okay," Junmyeon tells them, patting the bed to tell them its okay to sit with him. Each one of them quickly joins the puppy pile in the bed, surrounding Junmyeon and Yixing to the best of their abilities.

"So did you tell Yixing the rest of our surprise?" Junmyeon questions as he pats Jongdaes hand thats settled on his thigh.

"No hyung, we didn't want to tell him without you," Jongin replies, tucking his chin into Kyungsoo's chest as he looks up at the leader.

"Who wants to tell him," Junmyeon asks.

It takes a moment of deliberating before Sehun eventually spills, "Hyung you're going to perform with us at MAMA when we go back to Korea!"

"What?" Yixing asks in confusion, looking to his leader who immediately nods. "What!" he shouts again, but this time in happiness as he sits up, wide grin overtaking his face.

It doesn't take long for the grin to dissolve into tears of happiness as he faceplants Junmyeons stomach, reaching his arms out to hug as many of the members as he can.

Getting Yixing to settle down again takes about 10 minutes, the hiccuping sobs stopping him from being truly settled down.

Once the sobbing stops, the room becomes silent, lulling everyone to sleep slowly.

"I'm so glad we're all together again," Baekhyun mumbles, halfway to falling asleep as he drools slightly on Chanyeols shoulder.

"Yeah.. me too," Junmyeon whispers back, before hushing them all and closing his eyes.

That night, they all get the best sleep they've had in months; and there's no question as to why.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another chapter!  
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter, i wrote it at a time of intense writing block, so i’m sorry if its bad.  
> I was just writing one of the upcoming chapters and i exited my internet for too long without saving and AO3 deleted everything i wrote so not I have to start over ): 
> 
> Good news though! Next week is officially my final week of uni! After that it’ll be all writing no play! Well, until i get my wisdom teeth out on the 9th. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading, much love!  
> \- kim xo

Junmyeon grumbles as he turns over, a knocking sound waking him from his sleep. The knocking stops for a few seconds and Junmyeon almost drifts off again.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Opening his eyes with a frown, Junmyeon looks towards the door where the knocking is originating from.

Turning his eyes to his bed that's covered in boys, he manoeuvres himself as best he can in an attempt to escape the confines of his blanket.

Junmyeon has always been a light sleeper, it's what made him such a good choice for leader. Though some of his members also wake easily most of the time, it's as if they could sleep through a bomb at this moment.

Baekhyun snuffles and shifts around when Junmyeons feet land on the floor with a loud thump, but eventually settles again without issue.

Shuffling his feet across the floor, he opens the front door with a frown. Blinded by the light of the outdoor hallway, it takes a moment for Junmyeons eyes to adjust to see who was knocking.

Manager Woojin and manager Jinwook are standing before him, smiles on their faces. Their eyes portray hidden worry as they apologise from waking him from some much needed sleep.

"Goodmorning Junmyeon, did you sleep well?" Jinwook asks.

"Hyung why are you waking my up at.." Junmyeon trails off, realising he doesn't know what time it is.

"6am," Woojin supplies, and Junmyeon immediately repeats him.

"6am," Junmyeon states with a lift of his eyebrow.

"Well we woke up and were going around to the members rooms to wake them up because they wanted to go out today," Jinwook says as he flicks his hand in the direction of the hallways to his left.

"None of them answered so we came here to wake you so that you can maybe help us."

Junmyeon stares at them silently for a few moments, letting the words sink in. A sigh escapes his mouth before he can stop it, as he steps back and opens the door to let them into his room.

The two managers seem confused, but step in after him and wait patiently to follow him down the hallway.

When they get to the entrance of the bedroom, he steps in and flicks on the light.

Jinwook and Woojin both step into the room, looking at the bed to see all the boys groaning about how its bright and they're trying to sleep.

The two managers both start laughing as eight sets of bleary eyes land on them. Junmyeon manages to stifle his laugh, covering his smile with his hand as he watches his members look around in confusion.

"Hyung what's happening?" Jongin asks blearily as he lifts his head from where its placed on Kyungsoo's chest.

"You're okay Jonginie," Kyungsoo says with closed eyes as he pats the alpha on the back where his hand is resting.

"Woojin hyung and Jinwook hyung were looking for you all," Junmyeon explains when tired eyes turn to him for an explanation.

Woojin manages to get control of his laughter enough to clear his throat and grab the attention of all the boys lounging on the bed.

"I know it's early, but if you all want to go exploring its best to go early so you can get back before we need to catch our flight," Woojin explains, patting Jinwook on the back when he chokes on a laugh.

The boys grumble, most of them turning over to try and sleep again. Minseok props himself up and gets to his feet.

"Jun get back into bed, you need the sleep," Minseok says, stopping beside Junmyeon to rub a hand on his shoulder. "I'll go order breakfast for everybody."

Junmyeon nods with a hum, patting Minseoks hand before wandering to the bed and crawling back to his spot in the centre.

To Junmyeon's surprise, he falls asleep immediately after his head hits the pillow. He didn't realise just how exhausted he has been with his patchy sleep.

The next time he awakens, it's to the smell of food flooding his senses. He leans up on his elbows, eyes closed as he sniffs the air.

He hears multiple giggles before a camera click goes off. Junmyeon whips his head around, eyes barely open as they settle on the smiling faces of his members.

"Good sleep?" Yixing asks with a smile before taking a sip of his coffee.

"What time is it?" Junmyeon asks tiredly, turning over to sit on the bed.

"Just before eight," Minseok supplies as he picks up a plate and brings it to the bed.

The plate has two pieces of butter toast on it, they smell incredible. Junmyeon picks up the first piece and eats it quickly, as if he has been starving for years and he's finally being fed.

Scents of surprise fill the room as he finishes the first slice and moves onto the second. "Are you starting to feel better?" Minseok asks as he watches the leader shove the final piece of toast in his mouth.

"This toast is so good," Junmyeon garbles out through his full mouth, holding the empty plate to Minseok.

Minseok grabs another two pieces and passes the plate over, and Junmyeon eats them just as quickly.

Happy scents flood the room when he eats a fifth piece before becoming full, his members smiling at him as he rubs his full stomach.

They don't say anything else, but Junmyeon can tell that they're excited to see him eat in front of them. "So where are we headed first?" Junmyeon asks as he looks around the room.

"Well Yixing hyung needs to go pick up his stuff for when we fly back to Korea, and then we're just going to go wherever life takes us," Jongdae explains as he pats Yixings shoulder.

"Okay, well how about you do that now and i'll get ready for when you get back," Junmyeon suggests before pushing himself out of the bed.

They agree, and all eight of them leave to get ready themselves. Junmyeon wanders into the bathroom and grabs his towel before turning on the shower.

Stripping off his clothes, he takes a moment to look at himself in the mirror. Eyes widening, he turns to the side to see that his stomach is bloated as if he was pregnant.

Placing a hand on his stomach, he presses down before releasing. "Why am I so bloated?" Junmyeon asks himself aloud.

Going back to the bedroom, Junmyeon picks up his cracked phone and googles fo find out a bit about what his body is doing.

After some googling, Junmyeon reaches the conclusion that his body is reacting to the food he's eaten similarly to an anorexic.

With a small pout of his face, Junmyeon drops his phone on the bed and heads back for his shower. He spends 10 minutes washing himself thoroughly before getting out, trying to stay calm when he sees the hair in the drain that's come out of his head.

It's just shedding, Jumnyeon tells himself.

Just after he's finished redressing, a knock sounds on his door. "Coming!" He calls before rushing to open it.

Jongin and Chanyeol are waiting on the other side of the door with iced americanos. Jongin is holding two, and immediately holds one out to Junmyeon when he steps closer.

"Here hyung, everyone is waiting downstairs," Jongin says.

Junmyeon takes the coffee with a 'thank you', and they all begin heading towards the lobby.

"So I think i'm going to need to do something about my phone," Junmyeon admits as he looks over his destroyed phone. Honestly he's lucky he didn't ruin the wall or floor of his hotel room when he threw it.

"Yeah you just might," Chanyeol says with a chuckle. "Will you get it fixed or get a new one?"

"I'll probably get a new one, they did just release a new iphone," Junmyeon replies.

"We can head to apple first then, so that you can get your phone set up before we have to catch our flight." Jongin says.

The drive isn't too long, probably 15 minutes at most. Although they were originally going to split into smaller groups, the recognition that only Yixing is truly fluent in mandarin has them sticking as one group.

"I know that we've been here before, but it feels so new," Jongdae says as he looks around the stores they've passing.

"Well to be fair, some of them are new," Yixing replies, linking arms with Jongdae to tug him along.

In the end, they split into two groups. Once they get to apple, Yixing, Junmyeon, Chanyeol and Baekhyun all go into the store whilst Jongdae, Jongin, Kyungsoo, Sehun and Minseok continue through the shopping centre.

Yixing helps Junmyeon by conversing with the worker who comes to help, Baekhyun and Chanyeol looking at laptops and accessories in the meantime.

"Okay he's going to get your phone now, he just wants to know what colour you want," Yixing tells Junmyeon.

"I'll get black," Junmyeon tells Yixing who relays it to the worker.

The man says something before walking away. "So is there anything else you need to get whilst we're here?" Yixing asks.

"Nothing particular," Junmyeon replies before sipping on his coffee. "What about you?"

Yixing chuckles and Junmyeon realises how dumb of a question that is. He literally lives here. "No hyung, i'm good."

The man comes back and they pay before leaving.

"Okay i'm going back to the hotel to set up my phone before we catch our flight, i'll see you all later," Junmyeon says when they escort him to where their managers are parked and waiting.

"Are you sure you don't want one of us to come?" Yixing questions but Junmyeon just shakes his head. "No i'm okay, i'll see you all later."

He waves goodbye to all of them before getting into the van. It reminds him of the previous night, sitting in the van by himself as he gets driven to the hotel.

The only difference is that this time he isnt trying to escape anything, but is instead moving towards it.

"Is there anything you want to get before we take you to the dorms?" Woojin asks, turning to face him from the passenger seat.

Junmyeon hums before replying, "Can we get some food?"

After stopping to get some food for take away, Junmyeon finds himself sitting alone in his hotel room, scoffing it down whilst attempting to start his new phone.

About halfway through his food, Junmyeon stops eating and puts it to the side feeling full. As the next few minutes pass, he transitions from feeling full to feeling nauseous.

After five minutes, Junmyeon is dropping the new phone to the bed and rushing to his bathroom. He barely makes it to the toilet in time.

He's left squatting over the toilet bowl for nearly 10 minutes, gagging until his throat is dry and he feels like his insides are going to fall out.

The feeling is disgusting, and in turn makes him feel more sick and gag even more. When the feeling finally passes, he throws his body back against the wall beside him and pulls his knees to his chest. Crying himself dry.

"I thought I was better," he says aloud to himself. "Why is this happening."


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!  
> Im really unwell at the moment but i’ll try to keep editing so that you’ll get more content soon.  
> Love you all!  
> -Kim xo

The flight back to Korea is silent, Junmyeon not talking as he mulls over what has happened to him in the last day.

He woke up feeling great, spent the whole day feeling back to his old self, then he fell back into his body and is back where he started.

After they arrived home, they immediately went home to sleep and prepare for the next morning when they'd have to be up early and practicing.

"Hyung wake up it's time to go!" Sehuns voice wakes Junmyeon from a not so peaceful sleep, and Junmyeon just groans as he turns over.

"I don't want to," Junmyeon whines.

"I know hyung, but everyone else is ready now so it's your turn," Sehun teases as he pulls the blanket off of Junmyeon, dumping it on the floor at the end of the bed.

Junmyeon sits up and glares at the younger boy with a pout. "I know hyung, but you can be mad later," Sehun tells him as he pulls the older boy off his bed.

"Get changed and we can get going," Sehun says before exiting the room, closing the door behind him.

Junmyeon grumbles under his breath as he pulls a t-shirt over his head. Afterwards he pulls on a pair of tracksuit pants and a pair of socks.

All his members are waiting in the lounge when he enters, talking about random stuff.

"Ready to go?" Junmyeon asks, stepping into his runners. He gets a chorus of agreement from them all, and he grabs his bag before leading them all out.

"You can't be serious! Obviously Far East Movement is better than Maroon 5," Chanyeol argues as he bumps Kyungsoo's shoulder.

"Come on, don't start this again," Baekhyun complains as he tugs his boyfriend further ahead.

"Will they ever stop arguing," Junmyeon mumbles to himself as he shakes his head. Minseok chuckles beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder as they walk.

"You know them," Minseok says.

Lots of fans are waiting outside the SM building when they arrive, squealing excitedly when they see nine figures entering the building rather than the usual eight.

Junmyeon almost wishes they had come in with security, as their fans start swarming the moment they get close.

Their screams are deafening as they grab whatever they can, pulling hair, tugging shirts and groping the boys as they try to push through the crowd.

At one particularly rough surge from the crowd, Junmyeon is sent tumbling to the ground. The crowd all make sounds of horror at the grunt he lets out, people shouting to back away and make space.

Junmyeon can hear people crying in distress as people continue to surge inwards, and Junmyeon himself can feel the panic and distress come over him as people try to touch him ad get closer.

A loud growl comes from somewhere in the crowd, followed by a roar that sends everyone rushing backwards and away from them.

Chanyeol immediately comes into Junmyeons blurry vision, him being the one who scared them all away. Chanyeol and Minseok help him to his feet and quickly pull him inside and away from everyone.

Junmyeon can feel the anger radiating from his members as they tugs him through hallways until they reach their practice room.

Junmyeon can already see the news headlines. Knows how they'd speak of his weakness.

"I'm okay," Junmyeon says as he wipes the tears from his eyes, but the shaking of his voice and hands gives him away.

"Im so disgusted, they call themselves fans," Kyungsoo spits out as he paces across the floor.

"It's my fault, I was supposed to stay with hyung. We have that walking formation for a reason," Sehun says in a self depreciating tone, putting himself down as if it was all his fault.

"It's not your fault Sehunnie," Yixing says in an attempt to comfort the youngest. "If they were truly our fans it wouldn't make a difference whether we were in formation or not."

Junmyeon lets out a breath and wipes his eyes with the backs of his hands.

"Hyung are you okay?" Baekhyun asks as he comes to kneel beside the leader who's seated on the floor of the practice room.

"Yeah i'm okay, just a few scrapes and bruises," Junmyeon replies as he looks at his scraped palms. They sting a little bit, but they aren't anything he can't handle.

"We should take you to the infirmary, just to be sure," Minseok cries to coax him but Junmyeon just shakes his head in disagreement.

"It's nothing I haven't dealt with before, i'll live," Junmyeon says, speaking the truth for what feels like the first time in months.

This seems to placate them, and nobody pushes any further for him to get help.

"Hey hyung I was thinking," Yixing says as they all drop down their bags and lock the door. "My concert is not long after MAMA, maybe you guys can come for a surprise performance."

Junmyeon grins as he immediately starts nodding. "That would be great!"

After this, they finally begin practicing for the day. It's tedious, and Junmyeon would honestly prefer to be doing literally anything else; but it's also kind of therapeutic.

Going through the motions so well ingrained in his soul that not even amnesia could stop him, it makes him feel free. Helps to escape his mind for a little bit.

They spend hours hidden away in the practice room going over their performance and messing around. Its nearing 12pm when they’re nearly ready for a break.

“Let’s go one more time and then get lunch,” Junmyeon announces with a clap, before restarting the music. “No mirrors.”

They get into formation facing the wall of windows thats shows the hallway outside, watching as a couple of the NCT boys pass by to get to their room.

They get through the first three songs fine, but when they get to Junmyeon's part in ‘Monster’, his eyes lock onto the eyes of a figure walking past the room.

A gasp uncontrollably leaves his mouth when he recognises who they are, and then suddenly he's falling forward and to the right, Sehun having accidentally let go of him when he too realised who was passing.

He lands on top of Jongin heavily, before rolling off and slamming heavily to the floor; Minseok inadvertently landing on top of him due to having not released his arm.. A pained groan echos through the room and his members apologies come echoing after.

Along with the scolding done by the others.

"Hyung i'm so sorry! I didn't mean to let go," Sehun whines as he comes to kneel beside him. Minseok apologises too, for having handed so heavily atop his frail body.

"Junmyeon we should get you checked out, I swear I heard something break," Minseok frets as he carefully pokes along Junmyeon's ribs to see if any cause a groan to leave him.

"I'm fine, just need a second," Junmyeon placates as he drapes an arm across his eyes. "I think thats enough for now, take a break everyone."

Nobody moves, all of them remaining above him as he tries to breathe through the pain.

"Well that sure was embarrassing," Junmyeon states as he pulls his arm away and looks up at the boys leant over him.

"What do you mean?" Minseok asks, helping Junmyeon to carefully sit up; apologising at the hiss that leaves his mouth.

"Sehun dropped me flat on the ground right in front of Yifan," Junmyeon explains, turning his eyes back in the direction of where the man was standing.

He sees the alphas retreating back, but is surprised when Yifan stops and turns back one last time; catching his eyes for a few moments before walking away.

Why did he turn back? Was he checking if Junmyeon was okay? Was it to reassure himself it was best to leave?

"What? I thought they weren’t supposed to be here until next week?” Baekhyun says as he turns to Yixing.

“Were Luhan and Tao there too?” Minseok asks.

Junmyeon just shakes his head, not bothering to reply verbally.

God, why is everyone so set on asking a million questions when he is so winded.

"Are you guys okay ?" Junmyeon asks as he moves to his feet with the help of the two boys at his sides.

"Hyung we're fine," Jongin informs him as he pats down the leaders back.

"Yeah hyung, we're more worried about you," Bakehyun agreesz

"Why were you worried about me, its nothing I haven’t been through before?" Junmyeon questions as the group stars to leave the practice room.

"Well, you didn't react very well when you found out they'd be here; let alone being forced to see them." Baekhyun replies.

Junmyeon hums in understanding, remaining silent until they reach the van. "Yeah that’s fair,” Junmyeon admits.

Sehun passes Junmyeon his phone, who thanks him as he tucks it into his pocket.

Standing in the cafe whilst waiting for the boys to order, Junmyeon feels his phone begins vibrating in his pocket. He pulls it out and see’s that he is getting a call.

“Hello?” Junmyeon answers, taking a few steps away from his members for a little privacy.

“Hey hyung,” JB’s voice comes through the phone clearly.

“Hey JB, what’s up?” Junmyeon asks as he takes a seat at a table near the wall.

“I’m making plans to get everyone together before MAMA, you going to be free?” JB asks.

Junmyeon hums as he looks across at his members who are talking and laughing as they decide on their food.

“Well, we only have like 9 more days to practice,” Junmyeon says, thinking aloud. “But I think I can make an exception and let the boys have a break.”

JB makes a sound of excitement somewhat like a whine. “Yay! Ill contact the others and plan it al then. Is there a day you’d prefer?”

“Uhhh, no not really, just give me a few days notice.” Junmyeon replies. JB hums in agreement before saying goodbye.

The boys come and join him at the table, carrying their food in preparation to eat.

“Hey guys, I know we have a busy week planned with practice, but i’m gonna let us all have a days break before our performance,” Junmyeon explains to his members when they join him at the table.

“Really? Thanks hyung!” Baekhyun says excitedly before taking another bite of his food.

“I’ll let you know what day when I decide,” Junmyeon tells them and they all agree.

The next half hour is spent mostly in silence as they eat, the odd conversation in between mouthfuls.

Junmyeon finishes first, having forced down half a wrap before he couldn’t do anymore.

His members looks at him fondly, seeing it as process. Junmyeon knows that sometime in the next half hour he’ll be in the bathroom spewing his guts out.

When they get back to their room, something about it is different. Nothing seems to be out of place but there’s something in the air.

“Do you guys smell that?” Junmyeon asks, but his members all just give him weird looks like he’s hallucinating.

It’s too faint to track or distinguish, but it’s also familiar and almost makes him want to cry.

He hums as he walks to his bag to put down his phone, thats when he notices that something is different. His bag is unzipped, which it wasn’t when they left the room last.

Digging around his bag, he doesn’t notice anything missing. He pulls everything out of his bag anyway, just to be sure.

Once he’s finished checking that everything is still there, he’s about to begin putting things back when he notices something at the bottom that wasn’t originally there.

He picks it up, not knowing at first what it is. Looking at it closer, he realises it’s a ring.

A flood of emotions rush through his body when he realises what the ring is. He hasn’t seen it since Luhan left nearly 4 years ago.

The ring had been a gift from Yifan, one that he couldn’t bare to keep after the alpha left. On Luhans last day at the dorms, Junmyeon had given it to him and told him to give it to Yifan if they ever ran into each other in China.

He hadn’t heard anything on it since then, and just assumed that it had been passed over or lost. Seeing it in his bad now, after so long..

It comes to him all at once. The scent in the air, it was Yifan. It had to be. He passed by the room earlier and probably saw they were gone on his way back past.

But it doesn’t explain why he’d left the ring, or even why he had it with him in the first place. Had he planned it? Did he come here knowing he would give it back? And if he did, why not give it to him in person? And why give it back at all?

All these questions are swimming through his head as he stares down at the ring. Junmyeon is so lost in his thoughts he doesn’t realise that his members have been calling him until he see’s one of them leaning over his shoulder.

“Is that your ring?” Jongdae asks as he stares over his shoulder at the ring in Junmyeons palm.

Junmyeon nods silently.

“Didn’t you give that to Luhan to give to Yifan?” Jongdae questions. Junmyeon nods again.

“Yifan was in here?” Jongdae asks slightly louder, pulling everyone’s attention.

“What?” Minseok says as he steps closer and looks over Junmyeon’s shoulder as well. “Isn’t that your ring?”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes and closes his fingers over his palm. He drops the ring back into the bag and puts all his stuff back into it.

“Okay guys, I think it’s time to practice again.” Junmyeon says, avoiding all their eyes as he stands up and gets ready to start the music.

Like clockwork as the music starts, they all jump into position and keep in time with the music.

Junmyeon’s brain cant seem to focus, feeling like the ring is burning a hole in his bag. God, how is he supposed to concentrate when all that’s plaguing his mind is questions.


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another one because I love you all! This week is my final week of uni before ive finished for the year!   
> I had to get a covid test today, because even though where i live has had 0 cases for like 2 weeks, doctors wont check me unless i’ve had a negative result; so thats fun ):  
> someone once commented that they a) liked the leader interactions and b) liked the knet comments so i tried to implement them in this chapter
> 
> I hope you enjoy!  
> -kim xo

"What time did you say again?" Minseok asks as Junmyeon picks up his phone and water bottle in preparation for exiting the car.

"Right now we're only planning to meet until 3, but ill call you if plans change," Junmyeon explains. Minseok hums in acknowledgment, pulling up at a red light.

Minseok is dropping Junmyeon off at a restaurant to meet all his leader friends on the way to meeting his own friends.

"If you finish early, ill come get you," Minseok tells him.

"Hyung no, if I finish early ill send you a text and find my own way back. I wont make you ditch your plans early," Junmyeon disagrees.

"Junmyeon can we please not argue about this?" Minseok asks through a sigh, pulling into a parking spot outside the restaurant. "Call me when you finish, i'll come get you."

Junmyeon stares at the older boy for a few moments before finally agreeing. "I'll see you later hyung," Junmyeon bids farewell as he gets out of the car.

Going inside, Junmyeon goes to their usual spot and finds that he is the first to arrive. Taking a seat next to the wall, he pulls out his phone and opens up instagram.

He scrolls and likes a few pictures before reading some of the comments on his most recent picture. Its a photo from the practice rooms back before he started losing weight.

His members are all in it - excluding Yixing - and pulling funny poses.

**peachanyeol :** _This is such a cute photo! thank you for sharing this precious moment with us leader-nim~_

**exo_ot9 :** _guys this was clearly from before he lost all the weight, we should respect his privacy! stop talking about it!_

**reply - > bananarama :** _i agree, but also if he wanted us to not talk about his weight he should have not posted anything_

**reply - > baekbean :** _guys its really none of our business, just be happy he shared this with us._

**reply - > myeonieronie :** _I dont get why its such a big deal, he looks better now anyway_

**reply - > exoplex :** _i really hope you're joking, he is clearly unwell._

**chanbaekon :** _eeek! look at chan and baek, they're so cute! I think they're holding hands!!!_

**reply - > baekonandoff : ** _oh my god! i didn't see this before they're so cute :(_

**reply - > chan100 :** _i wish we got to see more moments like this, its so clear that they're together but the company will never let them be free_

**reply - > yeolemon : ** _eventually their contracts will end and they'll be free, just give it time!_

**juniemoney :** _hyung you should eat well! we love you!_

**ChenYeolHun :** _god i cant wait for you to leave so there are no more visual holes. I want to vomit every time i look at you. kill yourself._

**reply - > yeolmaekup :** _everybody please spam report this! report and block!!_

**reply - > rexoxer :** _this is disgustingc you need to delete this right now._

**reply - > exo_oxe :** _karma will come back to bite you eventually._

**kaikaipops :** _ugh they're so cute i could cry_

**weknowleeknow :** _oppa please be safe!_

**lovelay :** _I know this is from tempo era, but i really wish lay hyung was in this too :(_

**reply - > honeymyeonie :** _I know it's sad, but not that Lay oppa is in korea again we may get a picture of them all!_

**reply - > lovelay :** _you're right! i wont lose hope!_

**jongdaely :** _oppa you are really handsome, please gain some weight!_

**xoexoxo :** _💕🥺🥺💕💕🥺💕🥺💕💕💕💕💕🥺💕💕🥺🥺🥺_

Junmyeon lets out a sigh as he reads through the comments, sadness flooding his veins as he reads all the insults aimed at him.

"Hyung!" someone calls out his name, catching his attention. He looks up to see Seungcheol and Jonghyun of NU'EST walking towards him with grins on their faces.

"Hey boys!" Junmyeon greets them as he places his phone on the table face down, giving the two men his full attention.

"Hyung its good to see you," Jonghyun states as he sits down. "I will say im surprised to see you here first though." he teases.

Junmyeon sticks out his tongue, making both boys laugh at his childish reaction. "I'll have you know that I have been here first before!"

"Yeah, one time," Seungcheol teases, making the oldest boy pout dramatically.

"This is bullying," Junmyeon whines, making the boys laugh at him. They fall into easy conversation after that, watching as people arrive one at a time.

Irene, Taeyong, Chan, JB, Hanbin of IKON, Taeyeon of SNSD, Jihyo of TWICE, Solji of EXID and, Solar of MAMAMOO all arrive over the next 15 minutes.

"Oppa! You've lost so much weight since I last saw you," Jihyo states as she takes a seat across from Junmyeon.

Hanbin agrees, "Yeah, you aren't looking so great at the moment hyung."

Junmyeon puts on a fake smile, "Yeah I lost some weight in preparation for our next comeback."

"Hyung I saw some articles about you the other day.. did you read them?" Chan asks tentatively. Junmyeon's smile sours and he looks down at his hands, not needing to say anything.

"I'm sorry hyung, they said some really mean things.. And they were so invasive!" Chan says apologetically.

"What articles?" JB asks, looking back and forth from his junior to his senior. Junmyeon remains silent, not answering JB's question.

When he realises that Junmyeon is remaining silent, Chan finally answers, "There were some articles about hyungs weight loss, there were a bunch of pictures and the comments were horrible."

"Alot of them were telling me to leave, I guess they didn't like my weight loss as much as I thought they would," Junmyeon says, his words weaving the truth and lies together in a fragile dance.

"Im sorry, thats a horrible thing to have to hear," Taeyeon says, her words coming from a place of knowing.

"I can't believe the entitlement some people have these days, thinking they can say what they want," Solji says huffily, used to her fair share of rude comments.

Irene, who had remained silent for most of this conversation, decided now was her time to speak. "Maybe they aren't wrong though."

"Obviously they're wrong about the leaving thing," She quickly adds when horrified faces turn her direction. "I mean about the weight loss."

"What do you mean?" Taeyong asks.

"I mean, I read some of those articles and a whole heap of the comments and some of them had a point," Irene says.

She's quick to begin explaining, lest her words be taken the wrong way. "You lost a substantial amount of weight is a very small time frame, and every time i've seen you recently you've looked more and more unwell."

Junmyeon sucks his lips into his mouth as he stares at the younger girl. He has a sinking feeling in his gut, the look she's giving him is reading as her knowing more than she is saying. It makes him nauseous.

"I'm sorry hyung, but I have to agree with Irene noona," Taeyong says apologetically as he looks between the two older leaders.

"I've seen you around the company alot recently, but everytime I see you it's like you've shrunk a clothing size," Taeyong states as he stares at Junmyeon.

All of his friends turn their eyes to Junmyeon, staring at he makes no move to rebut the claims.

"I don't know what to tell you," Junmyeon says. "I already told you I was losing weight for our comeback."

No matter how good at lying he has become, its clear as day that none of the people sitting with him believe a single thing he's said.

"Hyung what's going on, there's clearly something you're keeping from us," JB says, staring down the older man.

Junmyeon flicks his eyes between them, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know what to tell you, none of you believe me."

"Hyung you've been acting really weird recently," Taeyong states carefully, as if worrying that he'll upset the elder.

Junmyeon frowns a little at the words. "How? I haven't done anything different from normal."

"I dont know how to explain it, but ever since the last time we met when you left early there has just been something different about you." Taeyong explains.

Irene flicks her eyes from Taeyong to Junmyeon before an unreadable expression sets itself on her face.

"Junmyeon, does this have anything to do with the 'last gasp' thing I was telling you about?" Irene asks.

Junmyeons blood runs like ice through his veins, he only just manages to school his expression before it gives him away. A skill he learned through years of being a leader at a company like SM.

"What? What does that have to do with anything?" Junmyeon asks, his tone slightly higher than usual.

"It does make sense hyung," Taeyong butts in. "You were fine before then, but you came and told me to stop my meds with no explanation."

Junmyeons expression scrunches up. "Of course I did, after Irene told us the consequences of taking them all together I knew I needed to tell you."

"Besides, that stuff is only related to Omegas. I'm a beta, I don't even take any of the medications that can cause it," Junmyeon continues, and the suspicion turns to apology.

"You're right oppa, i'm sorry," Irene apologises with a smile. "I forget sometimes that you aren't an omega as well."

Junmyeon sends her a genuine smile. "It's okay, I know it can get a bit confusing sometimes with me being here."

"Now, does everyone know what they want?" Junmyeon asks, getting agreement from everyone.

After waving over the waitress, who happens to be a Stray Kids fan, they relay their orders for her one at a time.

By the end the girls looks like she wants to pass out from excitement at seeing so many idols in one spot, but she does well to stay professional.

"Hi, i'll just get an iced americano," Junmyeon orders with a smile, receiving one back.

The girl disappears after taking their orders and leaves them to their business, their business being discussions about random stuff.

A few of them are discussing MAMA, seeing as a few of them will be attending with their groups.

"I'm just excited to get throigh MAMA and get a break for christmas, i'm surprising Felix by flying out his family," Chan shares with a wide grin, clearly proud of himself.

"That kid is gonna bawl," JB states and Chan hums in agreement.

"It's been so long since he's seen them, he deserves it after the long year we've had."

"Poor babies, I know you've all been going through alot because JYP removed Woojin before debut, but you'll be better for it in the future," Jihyo comforts with a smile.

"Besides, compared to what it could have been; only one is better than three," She continues.

"Yeah you're right, it doesn't hurt so much anymore, its mostly that they're just exhausted. But they know it's worth it." Chan agrees.

"Honestly I cannot wait for Christmas break, it'll be like a breath of fresh air," Hanbin admits.

It's been a long year for all the leaders, their groups going through hardships and unimaginable highs at the same time.

Junmyeon sits back and thinks of the break his boys WONT get over christmas. Leave it to SM to give them a long hiatus only to make them busy over christmas.

"What about you hyung? What will you all be doing?" Taeyong asks Junmyeon, distracting him from his anger at the company.

"Well," Junmyeon starts as he thinks over the busy holidays the company has planned. "After MAMA the company has planned a surprise meet and greet and wants us all in the studio preparing for the album repackage."

"Really? You aren't getting any break?" Taeyeon asks sadly.

"Nope," Junmyeon replies, popping the P.

"Maybe if you talk to them..?" Hanbin starts, but immediately stops when he sees the expression on Junmyeons face.

"Yeah, i'm not opening that can of worms," Junmyeon states.

Although eight out of twelve of the people here are under companies in the 'Big 3', there is no way of comparing how different the management is.

"If I even try that, I just know they'll dox my pay and punish me for the next three months and I just don't want that," Junmyeon says in a huffy voice.

Taeyeon and Taeyong hum in agreement whilst the others look at them in open mouthed shock. "They dox your pay if you speak up to them?" Solji asks.

"Oh yeah, I spent like a year unpaid because I forced them to stop doing things to my members," Junmyeon admits, and Taeyeon hums in understanding.

"Yeah the company likes to leave us leaders unpaid if we fight them on things," Taeyeon informs the astonished leaders. "One time Leeteuk oppa went unpaid for like 9 months because he tried to argue against the mistreatment of Chinese idols under the company, it wasn't pretty."

"God," Chan says ungracefully. "I can't even imagine having to go through something like that."

"You get used to it in time, but it's really jarring at first," Taeyong admits.

"Honestly I would have thought they'd stop using that punishment by this point, but they always were money hungry," Taeyeon states.

"Cheers to that," Junmyeon says, holding up an invisible glass.

A few moments later, the waitress starts the process of bringing everyone their orders.

Over the next hour and a half, the group talk and laugh to their hearts content; making the most of the time they have before their schedules become packed again.

"Alright everyone, I need to get going," JB says after checking a text message he received a few seconds prior. "Jinyoung has just gone into rut so I have some business to take care of."

"Okay hyung! We'll see you next time!" Hanbin says. "I should probably get going too, Bobby promised a surprise if I got home before he needed to go out."

"Yeah I need to leave as well, Jeonghan wants me back by two so I only have like half an hour to get back," Seungcheol explains as he gets up as well.

"Which means i'll be off as well because i'm his ride," Jonghyun states with a chuckle.

Junmyeons phone buzzes on the table, and he picks it up to see that Minseok has messaged him saying his plans have finished early. Junmyeon shoots a reply about leaving now too.

"Okay, i'm going to head off. Minseok hyung has finished what he's doing so he's coming to get me," Junmyeon tells the quickly waining group.

"It was so great to see you all," Junmyeon says before going around and hugging all the people who are still there.

He hugs Irene last, her gripping him tightly and running a hand down his back.

"Hyung, promise me you'll gain some weight; I can practically feel your spine," Irene states, and he nods in agreement.

He takes a step outside the cafe and pulls out his phone, calling Jongdae who he knows is at home.

"Hey hyung," Jongdae answers after the third ring.

"Hey Dae, who's at home now?" Junmyeon asks as he looks around the busy street.

"Everyone but you and Minseok hyung, but Kyungsoo and Jongin are going out in like an hour," Jongdae replies.

"Okay, hyung and I are on our way back now; do you guys need me to bring home anything?" Junmyeon asks.

"No hyung we're good, we'll see you soon," Jongdae replies.

"Okay, see you soon." Junmyeon says before hanging up.

In the few minutes before Minseok arrives, Junmyeon goes back into the restaurant and orders another drink to go, and gives the waitress from earlier his signature.

"Hey hyung," Junmyeon greets as he gets into the car, passing over the second drink he'd ordered for the older boy.

"Hey Jun, thank you," Minseok greets in return as he takes his drink. "Have fun?"

"Yeah it was really good to see everyone, I definitely needed this," Junmyeon answers as he takes a sip of his drink. "And I think they all needed it too."

"It has been nice to get a break," Minseok agrees as he starts driving them home.

"Short lived, we'll be back at it tomorrow," Junmyeon sadly says.

Minseok hums, not bothering to reply with words.

"Just think, not long now and we will get a break," Minseok says.

Junmyeon agrees, turning his head to look out the window. Time seems to be passing so fast these days, all he wants is to get a break.


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 uploads in one week? im really spoiling you all c:
> 
> My covid results came back negative so it’s celebration time on that front, im still sick though which is sad.  
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I love you all lots and love to read your comments about how you’re enjoying the story.  
> -kim xo

"Oh no," Junmyeon whispers as he pours out the pills in his bottles. He's completely run out of suppressants and birth crontrol, and he only has one Scent blocker left.

"No, no, no!" He whines as he stares into the bottles, praying that more pills will appear out of thin air.

"Shit," He mumbles, running his thumb over the lone pill in his palm. "Shit, fuck, god dammit!" He grumbles as he stamps his feet.

This is not what he wanted, this was not apart of his plan. If his members had just left him alone and let him get his pills when he tried to, he wouldn't be in this position now.

If only he'd thought to go to a pharmacy when he was out after meeting his friends. It would have been the only chance left.

"Shit, fuck okay. I need a plan," Junmyeon mumbles to himself as he begins pacing through the room. What could he do? Laws in Korea are so strict when it comes to Omega medications, there's no way he could go to a pharmacy and get some without a script.

"Hyung! It's time to go!" A voice calls from the hallway, followed by a knock on the door.

"Coming!" Junmyeon calls back. He'll have to think of something later, because right now he needs to take his group to the hall where MAMA is being held.

Today is the first day of rehearsals, so they can't be late or they'll be in trouble. They've spent the last 10 days at the company in the practice room as they changed formations and practiced their performance.

When he opens the door, he comes face to face with Jongin who's smiling widely at him. "How are you so happy, its 5am," Junmyeon asks as he checks that he's got everything before pulling his door closed behind him.

"It's a good day! In two days time we'll finally be performing with Yixing hyung," Jongin replies like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"That's great and all, but it's still 5am and that sucks," Junmyeon replies.

Jongin makes a 'pfft' sound with his mouth, before linking arms with Junmyeon and leading him down the hallway.

"Everyone is in the car already, you were a bit late," Sehun explains to him as they enter the elevator.

When the elevator dings for the bottom floor and opens its doors, they find Minseok waiting for them.

"I was just coming to get you, the manager isn't happy." Minseok explains as he grabs hold of Junmyeons other arm and pull the two of them along.

Once they're all settled in the car, Woojin turns around in the front passenger seat to them. "Today you'll be doing a solo runthrough, SM asked the production team to set aside 2 hours for you to rehearse alone."

"Tomorrow will be a proper run through, with all the other performers for the proper show; and the day after is the actual show," He explains.

"Seriously, the company booked 2 hours just for us?" Junmyeon asks incredulously as he crosses his tired arms over his chest.

Woojin eyes him warily before addressing him, "You'd do better to keep your mouth closed at the moment; you're in some trouble with the upper management."

Now that, Junmyeon can believe. "Jesus," he mutters to himself before turning his eyes to stare out the window.

"What is it this time?" Minseok queries as he leans forward in his seat.

"There's some tension at the moment because of what happened during your promotions; and there was an incident with Taeyong from NCT that was caused by Junmyeon," Woojin explains, the manager giving an apologetic look.

"Seriously? He told them too? I wasn't being weird!" Junmyeon complains as he looks back to the manager.

Woojin gets a weird look on his face and he replies, "He told them he was stopping his suppressants at your suggestion."

"Wait, why would he think you were being weird? What did you do?" Minseok asks, disappointment dripping from his tone.

"Nothing!" Junmyeon replies defensively, throwing his arms in the air to land in his lap with a thud.

"Then why did you tell him to stop his suppressants?" Baekhyun asks suspiciously, the omega eyeing him wearily.

"That is none of your business, I didn't think he'd mention me by name," Junmyeon huffs as he turns to the window again.

"Well what did you expect? He told the company he was stopping his suppressants out of nowhere, of course they were going to ask him why." The manager chides before turning back to face the front.

Junmyeon pouts as he looks out the window, watching buildings pass by. He wasn't being weird, he was just trying to protect Taeyong from the same fate he's trapped in.

At least they already knew he was an omega, so he doesnt have to drop that bomb on them.

When they arrive, the parking lot of the building is empty save for a few cars that likely belong to the production crews. One by one, they all get out of the car; waiting for their managers to get out before they can go.

"Use this time wisely, the company expects your performance to be perfect after what happened last month," Woojin explains as they enter the building and wait to be guided to the stage.

"Anything less than perfection and you'll all be in trouble."

Finally a crew members finds them and directs them to the stage for them to prepare their performance. They all drop their bags backstage before heading onto the main stage to stretch and prepare for practice.

"Does anybody else still feel like this is a bit of a fever dream?" Jongdae asks as he sits on the floor and stretches his legs.

All of them make noises of agreement.

To be completely honest, Junmyeon was sure that the company would never allow them to perform together again. The time between the last performance with Yixing had become so big, Junmyeon was sure that the only way they could perform together was to leave the company.

But alas, they still had 5 years left of their 10 year slave contracts. It was an unstated fact that they'd all leave when their contracts finish, as they all want to remain together away from where the company can reach them.

They'd even had moments where they discussed what name they'd go by when they left, as it was a well known secret that SM Entertainment wasn't likely to give them the rights to their group name.

But nothing seemed to fit like EXO did. It was their legacy, it made them who they are today. Maybe they'd get lucky, if they left the company on good terms they may be able to keep their name.

"Okay guys, get into positions," Junmyeon calls to his members as he forces his body up to walk to the edge of the stage. He passes his phone to Woojin so he can record their practice before going to his own place.

After their first rehearsal where they block out where they all have to be at what time, they do a proper run through.

When they've finished the first run-through, they take a few moments to catch their breath as Woojin brings the phone over.

Junmyeon carefully watches over the recording before showing it to his members. Pointing out the mistakes they made and where they could improve things.

"Sehun you were off here by a few beats," Junmyeon points to the youngest member on the small screen.

"Hyung I was on the beat, what are you talking about?" Sehun asks as he turns his eyes to the leader.

Junmyeon remains quiet as he realises he actually cant see the screen properly, as his vision is blurry and out of focus.

He shakes his head to try and straighten out his vision, but it just never seems to completely become normal. Junmyeon turns his eyes away from the screen before closing them.

He holds the phone out in the vague direction of Sehun, waiting until he feels another grip on the phone before letting it go.

"Sorry, I have a bit of a migraine, I must've seen the wrong thing," Junmyeon apologises before walking off the stage to his bag to get some water.

After letting the lie filled words leave his mouth, Junmyeon actually does start to feel a migraine coming on.

He knows its a side effect of missing his meds, as he always used to get migraines when he stopped his suppressants for the monthly sanctioned heats.

Junmyeon remains squatting beside his bag for a few minutes before heading back the the main stage with his water.

His members all are looking at him with worry, Sehun having no doubt told them about the interaction he just had with the leader.

"Yixing, can you please ask one of the stage hands if they have any pain medication for headaches?" Junmyeon asks as he comes to a stop before the group.

Yixing gives him an understanding smile, before nodding and walking away to behind the stage where Junmyeon had just come from.

"So did you guys find anything else that needed to be fixed?" Junmyeon asks conversationally as they wait for Yixing's return. The boys stare for a few moments longer before discussing final changes.

By the time Yixing has returned, they're ready to begin another run-through. Junmyeon quickly downs the pills with some water, and they immediately get back to work.

An hour and a half later, and after what feels like a million run throughs, Junmyeon is ready to drop on his feet.

"I know that we should go again, but I really want to take a nap;" Junmyeon admits as he flops down on the ground, mindful not to slam his head on the floor as he does so.

"Well its only 30 more minutes maybe we can leave early and just keep it secret," Sehun agrees as he flops down to Junmyeons left, swinging a leg over his stomach to cuddle him.

"We can't, Junmyeon is already in enough trouble with the company;" Minseok states, the only one thinking of the possible consequences their actions would cause.

Junmyeon groans, knowing the eldest is telling the truth. "Okay let's do one final practice with the mics, then we'll call it a day," Junmyeon decides, pushing Sehun's leg off himself before getting to his feet to grab his mic.

Theres a 10 minute period where the sound techs are setting the mics up, before they begin their last practice for the day.

They get through all the songs easily and before they know it their time is up and it's time to leave.

"I think thats enough for today; start packing your stuff."

Footsteps patter away as his members go to collect their things, Junmyeon following along a few moments later.

"How is everyone feeling? Ready for our actual performance?" Junmyeon asks as he shoves his water bottle in his bag.

"I'm excited, but i can't wait for the practice to be finished," Baekhyun replies.

Junmyeon hums in understanding, remaining silent until they reach the van. "It'll all be over sooner than you think, then we'll be back to fighting the company."

The scents floating through the air tell Junmyeon that his words have upset them all, but none of them say anything.

They've all fought enough.

"We know hyung," Jongdae answers, and the van falls into silence.

Junmyeon puts his earphones in and puts his phone on shuffle before turning his eyes to the window. Letting his thoughts wander to what the award show would be like.

Although he thinks, there's no point mulling over the inevitable.


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today I officially finished my last class of uni! im so incredibly proud of myself because honestly even thought it was only a 6 month course, my anxiety had me believing I would never get to this point.  
> I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has given me support when i’ve spoken about my struggles, it really has meant the world to me.  
> To all my readers who have stayed through the deletion and reuploading of my story, I greatly thank you all as well.
> 
> As a celebration and a thank you to everyone, I am going to upload chapters 12-14.
> 
> Thank you all and I love you lots!  
> -Kim

"You know the drill, no addressing idols of opposite gender from other idol groups." Woojin boredly explains for the millionth time.

"That means no girls, no omegas for the alphas and no alphas for the omegas."

They're forced to listen to this speech everytime they have a performance, even though the only risk of trouble comes from SM itself causing scandals.

He still remembers the moment the company reps had sat himself and Baekhyun down to tell them about their plans for a fake dating scandal with Taeyeon.

He'll never forget the look on Chanyeols face when he took the alpha aside to explain what the meeting was about, the scent of overwhelming sadness.

The two of them refused to leave their room for days, and when Baekhyun finally had to do what he was told; Chanyeol avoided him for weeks after.

Even going so far as to leaving the dorm to stay with one of his actor friends at their house.

It had almost ripped them apart, going so far as to almost causing them to disband. The year that Baekhyun was in his fake relationship, had been the worst of their lives; only hurt more by their member losses.

After that happened, he watched it happen all over again with Jongin; resulting in him tiptoeing and pretending he isnt totally in love with Kyungsoo.

They all know its the reason the two never officially got together, they cant trust that the company wont screw them again.

"Maybe you should give this speech to the company, they're the one that keeps making us pretend to date people," Junmyeon sarcastically states; cutting Woojin off midway through his speech.

He gets an unimpressed look sent his way, before Woojin continues to list the dumb rules. Its only after he's stated them all that he sends them away to mingle whilst they wait for their turn to rehearse.

"Be good, I don't want to hear anymore complaints," Woojin begs, before turning to find somewhere to relax until it's Exo's turn to rehearse.

The boys say their goodbyes to each other before branching off to find people they need to catch up with.

Jongin and Baekhyun break off and immediately head towards the members of BTS, greeting them happily and veering different members into seperate corners to talk.

Chanyeol veers off in the direction of Tiger Jk, before diverting back towards Jihoon from Seventeen; who greets the giant with a happy expression.

Sehun, who usually sticks by Junmyeon at these events, surprisingly heads in the direction of Wanna One; greeting his fellow maknae by slinging an arm around his shoulders.

Kyungsoo, though tentative at first, eventually follows Jongin and Bakehyun's footsteps by heading towards BTS, approaching the eldest member where he stands with the leader.

Jongdae loiters for a bit, before simply grabbing Yixings arm and wandering away into the crowd until they're no longer visible.

Minseok is reluctant to leave, keeping his arm linked with Junmyeon as he searches the crowd for people to talk to while he sorts out his plan.

The plan is as follows :

step 1 : find a male omega idol that he has a good enough relationship with that it wouldn't be too weird to discuss meds.

step 2 : find out if they're on any of the meds he needs.

step 3 : ask for any spares they may have under the guise of another member needing them.

step 4 : success.

The plan was simple enough, but the execution was going to be challenging. All the groups here with members he knows are mingling amongst his own group members.

This adds the final and most difficult step.

step 1.5 : make contact with the idol without his members being alerted to what the discussion was about.

If one of his members overhears what he's lying about, he'll be easily caught with no chance of backtracking or escaping.

He needs to be completely stealthy, lest he risk being caught and ruining everything for himself.

Finally, Minseok tentatively breaks off to meet with his friends; and Junmyeon immediately springs into action.

He scans the room and carefully picks out where his members are, and who they're talking to; before picking his first target.

After watching Baekhyun leave his conversation with V from BTS to begin a new one with a couple of the boys from Wanna One, Junmyeon immediately takes his place.

"Taehyung!" Junmyeon greets happily as he takes his place beside his fellow omega, who immediately flashes him a blinding grin.

"Hyung! I didn't know you'd be here," Taehyung admits as he pulls the elder into a tight hug. Junmyeon hisses slightly, feeling pain bleed through his chest in the spot Minseok landed heaviest on him.

"I'm sorry, are you injured?" Taehyung questions as he pulls back.

Junmyeon shakes his head with a fake chuckle, rubbing his ribs carefully over the pain ridden spot. "Just an accident the other day during practice, nothing to worry about."

They chatter for a few minutes about what they'd both been up to recently, before Junmyeon finds time to weasel in his lie ridden topic.

"Have you ran into issues with your meds recently? One of my boys forgot to see his doctor and cant get them anywhere because of the strict laws," Junmyeon lies as he eyes up where his members are stood around the room.

"Oh no! They must be having a really hard time at the moment with everyone being in this area together," Taehyung replies, fully believing the lie as he pouts slightly.

Junmyeon hadn't noticed it before, but now that it's been brought to his attention, he cant forget the itch in his nose caused by the scent of so many young unmated alphas.

The scent has never been a problem in the past, but now all Junmyeon can think about is the scent of all the alphas standing a few feet away from him, the maknae of BTS included.

"Yeah they're having alot of trouble, trying to put up a strong front though." Junmyeon tells him as he begins to itch his arm, anything to try and get past the effect the scents around him are causing.

"You wouldn't happen to have any spare would you?"

Taehyungs eyes widen slightly at the question. It's not uncommon for idols to ask each other for help with meds if they've forgotten. But unless it's a dire situation, it's not often someone will ask on another members behalf.

The young omega gives him a slightly uncomfortable look, but Junmyeon continues to feed the lie to keep him off the trail of the truth.

"They'd ask around themselves, but they can't risk it getting back to the manager so i'm asking for them."

Taehyung, ever the innocent boy, gives a small but believing smile. "That's nice of you."

His smile quickly turns apologetic though, "I'm sorry hyung, but I have none spare. Maybe I can ask Jiminie and Jin hyung?"

Junmyeon eyes the two omegas in question. Both are talking to members of his group, but just as he's about to give up hope; Kyungsoo holds up an apologetic hand before lifting his phone to his ear and wandering away.

"Jimin seems busy, I'll go ask Jin hyung; wait here!" Taehyung tells him happily before wandering away. A drawn out 'hyung' trailing behind him.

Junmyeons stands fretting, praying that Kyungsoo doesn't end his call too soon. Hoping that Jin wont relay the conversation to Kyungsoo when he comes back.

A few moments later, Taehyung starts wandering back in his direction; an apologetic look on his face. "I'm sorry hyung, Jin doesn't have any spares. And i'd ask Jimin but he usually forgets his and shares with me."

"It's okay Taehyung, ill try to figure something else out," Junmyeon tells the boy placatingly, but he cant help the disappointment he feels at the idea of having to do this again.

"5 minute call for BTS, Please prepare to enter stage left," an announcement calls over the speaker.

"Duty calls," Taehyung jokes before saying goodbye and disappearing with his members.

Junmyeon stands aimlessly on the spot for a few moments, before turning around and beginning the search for the next person he can talk to.

His eyes land on the members of Got7, and he realises he could ask JB. The omega has always been super helpful and probably wouldn't feel too weird about the question.

Junmyeon slowly approaches the group, carefully looking over them to find the leader who doesn't seem to be amongst them.

Instead he approaches Jackson, the outgoing alpha greeting him grandly.

"Hyungiee! Long time no see, it's good to have you back," Jackson greets as he wraps an arm around Junmyeons shoulders to bring him into the group circle. Junmyeon tries to subtly hold his breath to avoid the alphas scent.

"Hey guys, how's it going?" Junmyeon asks the boys as he looks over them all one at a time.

"We're good, none of us were expecting any of you to be here," Mark replies with a smile.

"I was actually looking for JB, do you guys know where he is?" Junmyeon asks the group at large.

"He and Jinyoung are taking care of some.. business," Bambam replies with a wiggle of his eyebrows. It takes a few moments, but when Junmyeon realises what the young omega means, he feels his cheeks turn red.

Jb and Jinyoung are one of the only openly mated couples in the idol industry, they set the path for idols to openly become mated whilst still being active group members.

The two had garnered ALOT of support when their mating became public, barely anybody was surprised after watching their relationship progress over the years. It's crazy to think that they hated each other at first.

"Do you, um.. do you know when he'll be back?" Junmyeon asks.

"Probably not for a while, they have to go get Jinyoung some suppressants for his rut, so they may miss the entire rehearsal." Mark, ever the leader in JB's absence, explains to him.

Junmyeon cant help the slight groan of frustration that leaves his mouth. "Crap, I needed to talk to him about a medication thing."

"What kind of medication thing?" Youngjae questions, finally looking up from his phone.

"One of my members ran out of his meds and we cant risk the company finding out so we cant go to the hospital, I was hoping JB would have a couple spares," Junmyeon tells them.

With each lie that falls from his mouth, he gets better and better at hiding the truth.

Mark hums, pulling out his phone. "I can try calling him, but I don't know if he'll answer."

Bambam lifts his hands and starts counting on his fingers before saying, "Sorry, i'd give you some of mine but I have no spares. Actually, I think I may be out, i forgot to take them this morning."

"Babe, are you serious?" Mark asks his boyfriend with a disappointed tone marking his voice. Bambam grins innocently, before taking his leave to find their manager and inform him of his counting error.

10 minutes later, and JB still hasn't answered; clearly too busy to get to the phone at that moment.

"Dont worry about it guys, I'll just try asking someone else. Thanks anyway though," Junmyeon thanks them before preparing to walk away and find someone else to ask.

"If I was you, i'd ask Seungcheol from Seventeen, he always keeps spare meds with how many people he has to keep tabs on." Youngjae recommends as Junmyeon walks away.

"Thanks, I'll talk to you later," Junmyeon waves at the boys before heading in the direction of Seungcheol.

"Cheol ah," Junmyeon greets the omega leader with a grin. Seungcheol was the most recent addition to the 'Omega Leader' group chat, nobody had even known he was an omega until the company announced he was mated to Jeonghan.

That had been a rather surprising announcement to watch unfold, seeing the fans be divided between love and hate.

Everyone had suspected that Jeonghan was dating Sowon from Gfriend, so to hear that he was actually in love with his leader; there was a mixed reaction.

"Hyungie, it's good to see you" Seungcheol says gleefully as he tackles his fellow leader in a hug.

"Yeah it's good to see you too," Junmyeon replies as he releases himself from the hug.

Junmyeon had become close with Seungcheol shortly after his debut, as he was one of the only other leaders he'd met who controlled a larger group.

"That's good, is Yixing hyung here too?" Seungcheol asks as his eyes scour over the crowd. Junmyeon cant help the grin that blooms on his face at the mention of his chinese bandmate.

"Yeah, he is."

"I'm so glad to hear it! I can't imagine being apart from any of my boys for that long, it must have been so difficult." Seungcheol states as he wraps an arm around his waist to pull Junmyeon closer.

To anybody who didn't know Seungcheol was mated, they probably looked as though they were in a compromising position; but they don't care.

"It has been.. I can't imagine having to go through it again," Junmyeon admits, leaning his head against the omegas chest, his forehead digging into one of his collar bones.

"I hope that you don't have to," Seungcheol tells him, patting his back with his spare hand. "Maybe thing's will be different now."

Junmyeon sighs, wrapping his own arms around the taller boy. "Things are definitely changing.. But i'm scared this will be the last time." Junmyeon quietly admits, leaving out the detail of why he thinks so.

Junmyeon had stayed up late last night thinking about it. If he doesn't change his ways and continues to stay on his meds; its unlikely he'll even make it to Kyungsoo's birthday next month, let alone make it to another performance with Yixing.

Logistically, he knows he's on his final stretch of life. He's seen what he looks like. He hasn't kept down a proper meal in almost 3 months, and he can feel the life leaving his body with each passing day.

All he can hope for, is that he will get the chance to say a proper goodbye to his loved ones; that he'll make it to see them one last time before he loses it all.

"Hyungie, don't cry. It's okay, you will get the chance to be together again," Seungcheol soothes. Junmyeon hadn't even realised he was crying until his fellow leader had mentioned it, but the moment its brought to his attention; he leans back to wipe his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get your shirt all wet," Junmyeon apologises as he wipes the wetness from his face. Seugcheol simply pulls him back into his chest, patting his head as a comforting purr rumbles through his chest.

Each designation has a different characteristics. Omegas have a tendency to purr when they're happy or trying to calm others down.

Betas are able to pump calming pheromones into the air to make people relax.

Alphas, can use their alpha voice to settle omegas that are feeling unrest.

Junmyeon hasn't purred since before he became a trainee, and honestly he doesn't know if he could anymore even if he tried.

Had he known how much he'd have to give up, he probably would have told SM the truth, even if they'd have dropped him.

There's a difference between losing the people you love due to dying, and never having known them at all.

If he could do everything over, he would have tried to buy himself more time. He would have taken time off to have his heats, he would have made the pack bond when he had the chance.

But no matter what, he would still do it again.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to steal away my man," a voice jokes from behind him, and when Junmyeon pulls back; he sees Jeonghan standing before him.

"We'll it's a good thing you know better then," Junmyeon jokes back, wiping his face once again.

"Oh shit, did I interrupt something? I'm sorry," Jeonghan apologises, attempting to slip away by stepping backwards.

Seungcheol grabs the alphas arm before he can make his escape, a wide grin pasted on his features. "It's okay angel, you can stay."

Jeonghan waits until Junmyeon gives a nod of approval, before smiling and allowing Seungcheol to wrap himself around him like a baby koala.

"I actually came to ask you for a favour," Junmyeon admits when he finally calms himself down properly. "I heard from Youngjae that you often have spare suppressants or blockers, since there are so many on your team; and I was wondering if you have any I can borrow?"

The two of them seem confused with his question, no doubt wondering what a beta would need with omega medications.

"Why do you need them hyungie?" Seungcheol questions.

"It's for one of my members, they forgot to take theirs and if the company finds out they'll be in trouble so we cant go to the hospital to get some," Junmyeon explains.

Maybe if he says the lie enough times, it will come true.

"Ohhhh," both Jeonghan and Seungcheol say at the same time.

"Im sorry hyung, but I actually dont have any medications with me. All us omegas are doing a cleansing month where we only use scent patches and our birth control." Seungcheol explains to him.

Fuck. Junmyeon cries inside his head as he watches his last hope get crushed before his eyes. "Oh, that's interesting. Why do you do that?" Junmyeon asks in genuine curiosity, attempting to distract from the disappointment he's feeling.

"Well, I made a rule during training that all the omegas need to take one month out of the year where they stop suppressants and blockers," Seungcheol begins explaining.

"Taking them constantly is really bad for your system, so I made it to we need to take a break to keep us all healthy. I have a similar rule for the alphas too," He finishes with a proud smile.

"Plus after what Irene told us the other week I think it's even more important."

"Thats.. really smart," Junmyeon admits, almost wishing he too had done that. "Maybe I should make my boys do that too, the company always works them to the bone."

"I find that it really helps them to relax, the meds always give them side effects that have them grouchy so sometimes they'll even do it for a few months at a time," Seungcheol proclaims excitedly, clearly happy that someone in showing interest.

"Yeah, Baekhyun always gets really bad insomnia. And Sehunie has really bad migraines," Junmyeon divulges.

"That's not so bad, I can't take my meds with birth control cause it mixes badly. So I have to switch between one or the other," Seungcheol explains with a bitter smile.

"Yeah, my poor Cheollie is completely incapacitated if he takes both his meds." Jeonghan says, running his hand through the omegas hair. "And the switching has caused more than enough pregnancy scares in our time."

"I always feel really bad for Han, he always has to baby me when I get like that. Not very leader like to have all your members doing everything for you," Seungcheol chuckles sadly.

"Don't feel bad about things that are out of your control, if they really care; they'll understand," Junmyeon tells the omega with an understanding smile. "Sometimes you have to go through the pain to be true to yourself."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience," Jeonghan states, and Junmyeon simply sends them a sad smile.

"I'll leave you's to it then, i'm sure you've got things to do." Junmyeon tells them, bidding farewell before taking his leave.

Junmyeon wanders aimlessly until he manages to find a toilet, which he enters before locking the door behind him.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Junmyeon whines to himself as he makes himself into a ball on the floor to cry.

There's no hope left now. After tomorrow, he'd no longer have contact with any idol omegas; meaning there'd be no chance to get more meds.

But there's no more time. Just being around all the unmated alphas in the backstage area is starting to make his stomach cramp.

He knows the symptoms that come when he's a few days off a heat, and tomorrow will just mean more time spent around them.

No matter how he tries to turn it, he knows he'll soon have to admit defeat.

Because soon.. there will be no way to hide it.


	13. 13

"This isn't going to work," Ham-Bi calls as she rips Junmyeon back out of his outfit. All the clothing pieces are hanging off his body, and when they all get removed you can see how thin he's truly become.

His skin is pulled tight over bones, his ribs sticking out and making him look as though he's barely there. "We need to swap him with Baekhyun, give me his clothes, the harness too; we cant bring attention to his waist."

Sujin passes over the clothes quickly, taking Junmyeon's when they're handed out to her. Junmyeon can barely concentrate on whats happening, just going through the motions as Ham-Bi dresses him.

His head hurts, breathing hurts, living in general hurts. A fever has started to come over him the past two days after he ran out of meds, he knows that a heat will be coming any time, and he's terrified.

"Junmyeon maybe you should go back home, we can do this without you," Minseok tells him, placing a hand on his back lightly.

Junmyeon shakes his head and realises that he's now dressed, Baekhyuns outfit on his body. He looks down at himself and finds that even in Baekhyuns outfit, the clothes still hang loosely off his frail form.

Junmyeon feels a sense of dejavu. It's almost like he's reliving his past mistakes yet again; even though he knows he should just leave he can't stop. He needs to get through this performance.

"No, I can do this it's okay. It's only one performance, the other awards aren't being given out until later." Junmyeon replies, but it has no force.

They're in a rush, MAMA has started and Exo is currently backstage changing into their performance clothes. They've just won their first award of the night, and are now rushing to get changed so they can do their performance.

"Is everyone dressed?" Ham-Bi asks as she checks over all the boys. When her eyes fall on Junmyeon, she sucks in her lips and walks back towards him.

"We can't leave you like this, even Baekhyuns black harness is dangling off you. You need something else."

She begins rummaging through her bag again, pulling out random buckles and belts before grabbing another white harness. She puts it over Junmyeons shoulders and does it up at the front in the middle.

"This will hold your jacket closed for the most part, hopefully people wont notice how baggy your clothes are." Ham-Bi mutters before running her hands over Junmyeon's shoulders.

A man comes dashing into the room with a walkie talkie in his hand, and explains that they need to head back to the wings as the performance would begin in a few moments.

All eyes turn to Junmyeon, begging and pleading him to wait where they are as they do everything. Junmyeon takes in a shaky breath before forcing his stiff legs to move as he leads his members to the wings backstage.

It's difficult for him to take each step, feeling like his chest will explode as nerves and pain fall over him. Each step he takes, brings him closer to what will probably be the biggest mistake of his life.

Junmyeon closes his eyes for two seconds as he takes a breath, and the next thing he knows he's tripping over and falling flat on his face.

A few squeaks of panic come from behind him, but the hands that grip him first to help him up come from in front of him.

Junmyeon thanks the person he just almost landed on top of, seeing that it is one of the stage hands who looks startled.

"Hyung I really think you should stay here," Kyungsoo says in an attempt to convince him to stay behind but the leader just shakes his head.

"No, i've got this."

After a couple minutes, the stage hand he nearly squished tells them it's time for them to enter.

From the moment they walk on the stage, the spotlights feel too bright.

The squeals of fans deafen him as he tries to rearrange his brain to realise what's happening. He looks back towards the wing he just came from.

Something is very wrong.

A sense of dread fills Junmyeon when he begins to realise that he should have stayed behind, that for once in his life he should have listened to what his members were telling him.

Tears well up in his eyes as the music starts and he forces himself to do the movements, when he turns he catches eyes with Minseok who looks panicked, clearly beginning to catch on that Junmyeon is clearly unwell.

Their set is 4 songs long, Tempo followed by Kokobop, then Drop That ending with Monster. Getting through Tempo was difficult enough, but the moment Kokobop starts? Junmyeon doesn't stand a chance.

They're barely 10 seconds into the song when Junmyeon is made to squat the first time, and he barely pushes himself to continue.

His muscles are burning, feeling as though they're ripping and tearing away from his body. His chest burns as he tries to stop himself from breathing into his mic.

The lights shone onto the stage are causing him to burn up, making him so sweaty he probably looks like hes been doused in water.

During his part singing, his words shake and practically choke him as they exit. His throat feeling swollen as if he's having an allergic reaction. He has to force a gasped breath as he moves to the next formation.

When he gets to the chorus, he doesn't even realise he's fallen until gasps and screams of panic come from the crowd. Ever intensifying as he remains on the ground unmoving. The sound of his head hitting the floor with a loud crash, causing his members to jump in surprise as it rings through their in ear's from his mic.

He pulls the mic off his face as he rolls to face away from the crowd. His head is spinning from how hard it hit the ground when he fell.

Trying to steady himself, he pushes to his feet and stumbles off the stage. He knows that he'll cop an ear full from the company, but all he can care about is getting to the change room to lay down.

Embarrassment floods his body when he thinks about how many people have just seen him in a vulnerable state. There's no returning from that.

"God," Junmyeon mutters aloud to himself, using the wall to hold himself up as he wanders through hallways to get to their room.

When he finally gets there, he couldn't be happier at being able to collapse on the couch.

"I am never going to hear the end of this," Junmyeon mumbles as he throws a hand over his eyes to block out the light.

He's not wrong, cause almost 10 minutes later when his group comes flooding into the room, they are not happy to see him.

"Hyung are you okay?" Sehun asks as he comes to crouch beside the leader. Junmyeon doesn't even have the chance to reply before Minseok is yelling at him.

"What the hell was that?" Minseok shouts angrily.

"I dont know hyung, it just kind of happened," Junmyeon replies as he lifts his arm to look at the alpha.

"I told you to stay here, to just let us handle it. But nooo, you just had to fight us," Minseok leactures. "For once in you god damn life, you couldn't just just listen to us?"

"Hyung you know that I had to try," Junmyeon argues as he sits up on the couch. "If I didn't, we both know the company would have eaten me alive."

"And what about us? You think I wont kick your ass just because you don't feel well?" Minseok asks with a growl.

Junmyeon pushes himself up on shaky legs so he's face to face with the alpha. "You aren't the boss of me, I make my own choices!"

"Sure, i'll admit that this choice may have been a mistake, but it is still MY choice!"

Minseok looks like he wants to say something, but Yixing cuts him off. "Hyung he's right. He can make his own decisions."

Minseok frowns at the beta before walking to the other side of the room.

"Woojin hyung will be here soon, and when he is you are leaving with him. This is not up for debate."

"Okay," Junmyeon agrees as he takes a seat again. He may like to argue, but he knows that his body needs rest.

"I'm sorry if I scared you all," Junmyeon says after a few minutes of awkward silence. "I thought I would be okay, and we practices so hard for this I just wanted to get through this performance."

"Especially since we don't know when we'll all be allowed together again."

Minseok sighs from where he is stood leaned against the wall. "We know that you wanted to do this, but sometimes you have to listen to us when we tell you that we think you should stop."

Junmyeon nods, agreeing with the sentiment of the statement. "Yeah, I know."

"Just," Minseok starts before cutting himself off. "Just promise that you won't do something like this again."

Junmyeon looks up at the elder, the words easily dripping from his mouth.

"I promise," He states, and somewhere in his mind.. He knows that it's true.


	14. 14

Junmyeon is bored. So unbelievably bored he could cry.

Junmyeon has been alone in the dorms for the past day and a half, his members forcing him to stay home until he feels better.

He knows that isn't going to happen, he can feel himself getting worse with every passing hour. He knows it's his own fault, but the idea of being alone and something happening to him is scary.

He makes the executive decision that he's going to go to the company, that he's going to spend his time with the people he loves even if it causes an argument.

Walking to the company is a struggle, he almost wishes that he'd just called a taxi but it's too late now.

Thankfully he does run into any fans outside the building, giving him a clear ride through to the elevator.

When the doors open on the basement floor, Junmyeon feels his blood run cold as who is standing in front of him waiting to get in.

For a few moments it's silent, as if Junmyeon has become deaf and nothing exists. The look on Yifan's face is likely a perfect mirror image of his own.

Shock and pain, love and anger, the list goes on.

"Junmyeon.." Yifan whispers, and the illusion is broken. Junmyeon rushes out, literally shoving past the alpha in an attempt to get as far away as possible, before..

It's too late.

He's barely a few steps away when the alphas scent reaches his senses, stopping him dead in his tracks. A sense of dread fills Junmyeon when he begins to smell his fairy floss scent in the air, and a chill runs down to his bones when he begins to feel the first sign of slick.

His legs buckle under him and send him cascading to the floor in a heap. A whimper leaves his mouth when a shiver runs down his body.

He lifts a shaking hand, trying to grab hold of something, anything; that will help stabilise his dizzy head. At this point he wouldn't be able to tell up from down if not for him being laid down on the ground.

His eyes open when someone grabs his hand, and he groans when they let go. Yifan puts his arms under his knees and around his waist before pulling him up into the air.

"Yifan," Junmyeon whines as he grabs hold of the alphas shirt. Yifan just pulls him tighter, causing Junmyeons face to snuggle into the alphas neck where his scent glands are.

Junmyeon uses his free hand to try and get closer, gripping the alphas throat as he burrows in as tightly as he can.

Right now he'd be perfectly happy if he could snuggle up in his throat and never leave.

"Junmyeon, why is this happening now? You're going into heat." Yifan states as he continued to walk through the hallways, trying to not garner the attention of the trainees in the rooms they're passing. "Did you know you were an omega?"

Junmyeon can't bring himself to answer, just crying loudly into Yifans neck. He can feel himself falling deeper into the heat, a vague feeling of recognition passing over him from heats when he first presented.

"No, no no don't leave," Junmyeon whines when he feels himself being placed on a cushioned surface, most likely a couch.

"I'm not going anywhere, relax," Yifan replies, taking hold of Junmyeon's flailing hand to help calm him.

For a few moments, the only sounds to be heard in the room is Junmyeon's whines and groans of discomfort.

"Myeon, what happened to you.. You've lost so much weight," Yifan tentatively asks as he flattens out Junmyeon's hair with his spare hand.

"I-I.. I couldn't.." Junmyeon just can't seem to get the words out.

The secret he'd kept for over a decade had just been revealed. How was anybody going to trust him ever again.

"How did this happen?" Yifan asks. The alpha seems to be sitting between anger and worry; his scent dark and bitter.

Junmyeon remains silent, save for his crying and whining. He can't do this, this isn't really happening. He'll wake up soon and realise this was all some crazy nightmare and everything is fine.

"Myeon I need to go find the members, they can help you by getting a manager." Yifan eventually states.

"No, please you said you'd stay," Junmyeon cries as he opens his eyes and stares back at Yifan, who has a strained expression.

"I'm sorry," Yifan apologises before separating their hands and quickly exiting the room. All that remains of his presence, is the dark chocolate scent he emanates.

An overwhelming sense of sorrow fills Junmyeon's chest. He's been rejected and left behind again; Yifan just left him without thought or care.

It's at his thought, that Junmyeon begins heavily crying. Painful sobs escaping his chest and leaving him with a hollow feeling.

He feels a sense of dejavu, as he's reminded of the moment he came home to a dorm full of sorrowed members, and a news that tore his world apart.

The sobs leaving him are so severe that it almost feels like he can't breathe. No matter how hard he tries, the feeling of hopelessness just comes back and crushes him all over again.

"Hyung!" A scared voice cries out before he feels the presence of people surrounding him on all sides. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at home!"

Junmyeon manages to pry open his eyes, searching the blurred faces around him. "Yifan?" He croaks out. He isn't sure if the word can be understood, between his tight throat and his uncontrollable sobbing.

"Yifan is outside with the other alphas, we cant risk you sending them into rut." Yixing explains as he places a damp cloth over the leader's forehead.

This only makes the sobbing worse. The feeling of failure crushes him down to his bones, causing a physical pain to radiate through him.

"Hyung, do you know what's happening right now? You're in heat," Baekhyun explains; obviously still unaware of just how informed Junmyeon is on his status.

"You need to tell us if you've had a heat before," Kyungsoo tries to coax, but all Junmyeon can do is wail in despair and pain.

Junmyeon feels like someone is carving his stomach up with butchers knives, a burning fever coming over his body.

"Hyung, he's way hotter than he should be; something is wrong." Kyungsoo states as he turns to Yixing. All Junmyeon can do is cry tears he didn't even know he had left in him.

Hands fall upon his cheeks and neck, a hum coming from them. "Yeah you're right, Sehun go get Woojin," Yixing states as he wipes over Junmyeon's face with the wet towel.

His body feels as though it's burning from the inside, leaving him panting as he tries to pull off his jacket. "Something's not right," Junmyeon pants through his tears as he struggles to undo the zipper trapping him in his clothes.

"What's wrong hyung, tell us," Kyungsoo begs as he takes over for Junmyeon and undoes the zipper, followed quickly by removing his jacket and shirt.

"My chest, it hurts." Junmyeon whines as he places his hand over his chest, resting it over his heart. He can feel it beating beneath his hand, and it's not right.

His breathing becomes laboured as his heart skips beats, leaving a radiating pain in his chest until eventually he feels like he's been stabbed.

"I can't breathe!" He shouts in a panic as he gasps for breath, sitting up and grasping his chest and throat.

"What!" Kyungsoo squeaks out before patting his back and shouting for help. Theres commotion everywhere, people shouting and doors slamming.

"Myeon, come on breathe!" Kyungsoo cries as he holds the omegas hand, begging that everything will be okay.

"Guys, he's not breathing!" Baekhyun cries before the door slams open and the alphas run in.

Junmyeon can feel himself slipping, he's never been in so much pain in his entire life. All he can think, is that he thought he had more time.

He thought he'd at least make it to Christmas, that he'd have one last happy day with his boys before it was all over.

But he now realises that was a naive thought. Why would he get one last happy day.

He wishes he could say something. Apologise to them, tell them he loves them, give them one last goodbye.

But he can't. It's too late now.

Junmyeon feels himself slip into unconsciousness, and he knows it's all over.

The room around him is wild, people screaming and crying as Minseok performs CPS on Junmyeons lifeless body.

"Come on Junmyeon, come back to us," Minseok quietly mumbles as he does compressions, trying to ignore the sick sounds of bones cracking beneath his hands.

"This isn't happening, this can't be happening," Jongdae mutters continually, watching the scene with wide eyes.

"What the hell is going on?" Woojin asks as he and Sehun enter the room.

"He's, he's not breathing hyung!" Kyungsoo cries, phone to his ear as he calls for an ambulance.

"WHAT?" Woojin screeches, rushing forward to where Junmyeon lay lifeless beneath Minseok.

"This is all my fault, I should have got you guys faster," Yifan states, his hands is Junmyeons hair as he cries.

Woojin suddenly runs out of the room without saying anything.

"No, this is some kind of sick joke.. This isn't funny guys," Sehun hiccups as he stands frozen in the centre of the room.

"Hunnie," Baekhyun calls through his tears as he approaches the boy, pulling him into a hug as he tries to comfort him.

"Minseok, move." Woojin shouts as he enters the room, a defibrillator in his hands.

He places it down beside Junmyeons body, placing the patches over Junmyeon's bare chest and powering it up before shocking his chest.

There's a whole lot of nothing for a few seconds, as Yifan leans down and breathes twice into Junmyeon's mouth.

5 minutes and 3 more shocks later, they're all losing hope. There's a sullen air to the room as they realise what is happening, what they all just witnessed.

The trauma of the incident sits heavy in their chests, none of them breathing as Minseok leans forward again.

Minseok presses his fingers to Junmyeons throat, searching for a pulse.

"Oh my god he has a pulse," Miseok cries, overwhelmed with relief when he sees Junmyeon's chest rise and fall slightly.

"Everybody get back," A new voice states, and all eyes turn on the paramedic who enters the room with a gurney and a large bag.

Everybody is quickly banished from the room, left in the dark on what the paramedics are doing. All they have to go off is the random words they hear echo from beneath the door.

When the door opens again, the two paramedics come rushing out with the gurney, calling for everyone is the hallway to move as they rush through.

"What's happening?" Minseok questions as they all chase down the men who are rushing away with Junmyeon.

"We need to get him to hospital, right now." The closest paramedic says.

A hand grabs Minseoks arm, stopping him from running. He turns to see who's grabbing him; finding Luhan and Tao stood wide eyed and confused.

"What's happening?" Luhan asks, eyes wide as he watches his former members rush past them in the hallway.

"It's Junmyeon." He tells them, not saying anymore before he continues down the hallway. He hears the sound of footfall behind him, knowing that the two boys were following after him.

By the time they make it to the outside, the doors to the ambulance are being closed and it is driving away.

All that remains are 11 boys, standing silently on the street as their worlds fall apart.


	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another chapter! i have like 20 chapters prepared to be posted, but the one im up to now has me soooo stumped cause when i wrote the last chapter i was in a flow and wrote 3 in a row so now that im no longer in that flow im lost on where to go. i’ll get there eventually though.  
> Im not in the greatest place mentally and in about 6 days im getting my wisdom teeth out so thats fun.
> 
> love you all!  
> -Kim xo

Junmyeon comes to consciousness with a gasp in what he assumes is an ambulance, a random man looking down at him alongside his manager.

"Good to have you back kid," the stranger says with a with a smile before turning away to look at something.

"Can you tell me your name?" The man asks, picking up a clipboard before turning his eyes back in Junmyeon's direction.

Junmyeon doesn't answer at first, staring wide eyed at the two men leering at him. "Kim Junmyeon," He finally replies when he catches his breath enough to speak.

"Can you tell me what year it is?" The man asks next, looking expectantly at Junmyeon.

"2018," Jummyeon replies promptly, looking up into the eyes of his manager.

"What's happening?" Junmyeon pants out, looking down at his chest that has a bunch of electrodes as well as two defibrillator patches stuck to it.

"Your heart stopped, we're on our way to hospital now. I don't want you to be afraid, but it is likely that it will happen again." The paramedic informs him.

Junmyeon can feel tears welling up in his eyes, the oxygen mask over his face feeling like its choking him as he hiccups in breaths.

"I thought I was dead," Junmyeon tells them, wanting to move but feeling too weak to.

He turns his eyes to the paramedic sitting beside him as begins to beg, "You can't tell them what's happening to me, none of them. Not even Woojin hyung."

"Junmyeon, now is not the time to be keeping secrets," Woojin scolds, grabbing one of his lifeless hands to hold.

"No, you have to promise me you wont tell them anything, it's my legal right," Junmyeon begs. He can tell that the paramedic wants to disagree, wants to say no.

But in the end, he promises to not tell anybody anything; swearing he'll tell the doctors his wishes if he cannot himself.

Through the relief, Junmyeon can feel himself becoming worked up again. The pain coming to him all at once now that he is no longer distracted.

He tries to curl up, tries to will his body to move. To do anything. But its as if his body is tied down by an invisible rope, leaving him unable to move.

"I can't move my body," Junmyeon cries, feeling overwhelmed at the idea that he could be stuck like this forever.

"It's okay Junmyeon, you're going to be okay." Woojin mutters like a mantra, promising him that all would be fine in the end.

Junmyeons body is filling with panic, "I dont want to do this, this isn't meant to be happening."

"Junmyeon, you need to calm down; take deep breathes." The paramedic says in an attempt to calm him.

The beeping of the heart rate monitor skyrocketing as Junmyeons panic builds.

The pain in his chest comes back, blindsiding him as he gasps and tries to take in breaths, until everything goes black again.

———

"What are we going to do?" Baekhyun cries as he collapses on the ground, watching the ambulance disappear from view around a corner.

"What happened?" Luhan asks tentatively, carefully turning his eyes to all the boys around him.

"He.. I don't.. It doesn't make sense," Kyungsoo utters, wide eyes unseeing as he stares into the distance, unable to finish his sentence.

"He was better, how did this happen?" Jongdae asks aloud through hiccups.

"Yixing, I need you to explain to me exactly what happened. How did this happen?" Minseok asks, grabbing Yixing's arm to snap him back to attention.

"Hyung I don't know! One minute he was saying something felt wrong and the next he wasn't breathing!" Yixing explains frantically, running his hand down his face as he tries to make sense of everything.

"Wait, Junmyeon stopped breathing? Is he dead?" Tao asks, voice distressed as he looks to Yifan, his former leader, for an explanation.

Yifan says nothing, staring down at his feet as he tries to comprehend everything that happened. He had been fine when he left to get the others, he was fine. So how did he turn from that to being unresponsive?

"Hyung what are we going to do? What if he.." Sehun cries as he moves to stand before Minseok, who is trying to figure out their next step.

"No, don't even think it.. he's going to be fine." Minseok tells the tall boy, pulling him into a hug.

"Hyung he's right, what are we going to do?" Chaneyeol questions from where he's knelt on the floor, boyfriend wrapped up in his arms as he weeps.

Minseok doesn't know what to say. There's a reason that Junmyeon was the leader, Minseok wasn't made for a position like this. "I-I.. I don't.."

"Pull yourselves together," Yifan states randomly out of the blue, still staring off in the direction of the ambulance.

"Hyung.." Jongin whines.

"We don't get to break down now." Yifan tells them as he finally looks at them all. "It's Junmyeons turn to break apart, and we need to be there for him like he always is for us."

"Yifan, we don't even know where he's being taken," Luhan states, ever the voice of reason.

"Then we find out! We're no help to Junmyeon if we just sit here and wallow!" Yifan growls out, before stomping away towards the building.

The boys watch him as he leaves, before quietly collecting themselves and following behind him silently.

There's alot of staring when they enter the building again, which is no surprise.

They all look a mess, red faced and teary eyed as they hold each other and follow their former leader to the room they had started in.

"Okay, what do we do," Kyungsoo asks as they come to a stop in the centre of the room.

Yifan takes a moment, picking up the jacket and shirt that had been left behind when Junmyeon left.

"Okay. Baekhyun, I want you to go and find your other manager; he'll be able to get in contact to find Junmyeon."

Baekhyun nods, taking Chanyeols shakey hand and dragging him out of the room so the alpha wouldn't remain behind without him.

"Lu, I want you to go and find your manager, and take Tao to find his too." Yifan directs. The two boys nod before exiting the room together.

"I want the rest of you to wait here, i'm going to find my manager and then i'll come back." Yifan explains, before nodding to the remaining boys and exiting the room.

The room stays silent after Yifan leaves, the final six boys not knowing what to say or do.

"I never thought i'd hear Yifan ordering us around again," Minseok admits as he takes a few steps and sits down on the empty sofa.

A rueful laugh exits Kyungsoos mouth as he turns to face the wall. "None of this should be happening, we should have done something."

"Hyung, there was nothing we could do.." Jongin whispers as he comes to stand beside the omega, lightly placing a hand on his shoulder.

"That's bullshit, there's a hundred things we could have done.." Kyungsoo grumbles, shaking the hand off of him before turning back to the room.

"You realise this is all our fault right? We sat and watched as Junmyeon withered away.. And now it could be too late to help him, and we STILL don't know what's wrong," Kyungsoo states, near shouting as he lets out all his frustration.

"I'm not surprised he didn't want to form a pack bond! We couldn't even see what was right in front of us."

"This isn't our fault, we tried to help and he just pushed us away!" Sehun cries out, almost wanting to cross the room and shake his fellow omega.

"Yes it is!" Kyungsoo yells back, stepping forward to face off against the taller boy.

"We knew that he was going through something and we just sat by and watched!"

"Kyungsoo stop it." Yifan growls out in his alpha voice, stopping the omega in his tracks. Nobody had even noticed him appear in the doorway, too distracted by the argument going on in front of them.

"This isn't any of your fault, none of you knew that something like this was happening.." Yifan affirms for them, before crossing his arms over his chest. "But.. I did."

The room is silent for a moment, everybody open mouthed and unsure what to say. "What are you talking about?" Minseok questions, standing up from his seat on the couch and taking a step towards the alpha.

Yifan sighs, tilting his head back to stare at the roof.

"Junmyeon called me about two weeks ago, he was crying and saying how he couldn't do it anymore.. couldn't be a leader."

"All he wanted was to hear from me, and I didn't call.." Yifan trails off, finally starting to show some emotion. He tilts his head down till he's looking Minseok in the face again.

"He tried to tell me something, but the call ended before he could."

Minseok says nothing, instead he takes three more steps before throwing a punch at the taller mans face.

"Hyung stop!" Luhan cries out as he runs back into the room, grabbing Minseok by the arm and tugging him away from Yifan.

"No Lu, it's okay. I deserved that," Yifan claims as he shifts his lower jaw to dislodge the pain running through it.

"You can be mad at me later, but right now we need to go and find Junmyeon," Yifan states, and as much as Minseok wants to disagree; he nods his approval.

"Okay, let's get started," Yifan says with a clap.

———

Junmyeon comes to consciousness to the sound of rapid talking above him, words he couldn't discern mixed in with mens and womens voices.

Junmyeon opens his eyes with a groggy groan, trying and failing to open his eyes. He feels like he's just been run over by a bus, all his limbs feel useless as he tries to move them.

"Where am I?" Junmyeon asks, but it's barely a husk of a whisper leaving his lips. He manages to blink his eyes open, only to be blinded by lights above his head.

A girl says something with a squeak. Junmyeon blinks his eyes open again, and sees two men and a woman standing over him.

The man to his right says something to him with what is meant to be a comforting smile, but he can't comprehend the words.

Junmyeon tries to sit up, but he feels like cement has been injected straight into his veins. "Why am I here, I'm not supposed to be here," Junmyeon whines as he turns his head to the left, trying to see anybody who looks familiar.

The man speaks again, but nothing he says can be understood by Junmyeon. Junmyeon begins to panic when he realises he's alone in a place where he can't understand what is being said to him.

"No, no I don't want to be here! Let me go!" Junmyeon screams as he begins to struggle, feeling intense pain run through his entire body.

The man to his left says something, before the girl pulls out a needle and injects something into Junmyeons drip line.

"What are you doing? Don't touch me.. stop.." Junmyeon cries, his voice trailing off as whatever it was begins to take effect.

"I want.. Yif..an...." Junmyeon groggily says, before drifting off again.

———

"Hi, I think my friend was brought in here?" Yifan says to the woman sat before him at the hospital reception desk.

"Name?" The woman asks, not bothering to look up from her computer screen.

"Kim Junmyeon," Yifan replies, turning away from the desk to look at the 10 boys waiting terrified behind him.

"He's currently in the ICU, but he's about to be moved to a secure unit so you won't be able to see him." The woman says unapologetically, finally looking up at the man stood before her.

"Oh my god you're Wu Yifan!" She squeaks out, blushing and she begins to pump out a fragrant omega scent.

"Why can't I see him?" Yifan asks, bypassing her blatant attempt of seduction through scent.

The light in her eyes fizzles out a little as her smile falls, but she remains still until Yifan lifts an unyielding eyebrow at her.

"From what I can see, he is being moved to a secure omega unit made for those in heat that need constant medical attention for whatever reason." She informs him as she scans her eyes over the screen.

"Can you direct me to his doctor then?" Yifan asks, beginning to get impatient. If this lady takes up too much of his time, they wont be able to see Junmyeon before he is isolated.

"The ICU is down that hallway," She explains as she points at the hallway to the left of the reception desk. Yifan mutters a vague thank you before guiding his members in the direction of the ICU.

When they get there, Yifan scans his eyes over all the beds; until he barely recognises Junmyeon in one of the private rooms.

He tries to get into the room, but the door is locked. Junmyeon is barely recognisable, tubes coming from his nose and throat with wires connecting him to multiple machines.

"Excuse me, you can't be here," A man says, taking Yifans attention away from the helpless omega.

"Yes we can, he's our friend," Luhan replies.

"I'm sorry, but he has no emergency contact and in the ambulance he gave his wishes to not update anybody about his progress." The man explains as he looks at a chart in his hands.

"Why would he do that? We're his family," Minseok asks, sadness dripping through his voice. The man looks at the 11 boys before him apologetically, it's clear that they've had a rough day.

"Im sorry, but I legally can't tell you anything about his condition." The man tells them in an apologetic tone. "All I can do is let you know when you can see him."

The boys all stare into the private room, at the man who has cared for them for so long and is denying them the chance to return the favour.

"Okay.. Thank you," Yifan mutters as he allows the man to leave.

Yifan steps closer to the window before placing his hands on it. "I'm sorry Myeonie," he mutters.

If only he'd taken the call.


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! New chapter for you all!  
> Im getting my wisdom teeth removed in two days so i wont be posting for a week or so, but i have a fun little announcement!
> 
> Starting on December 21st I will be doing the 5 days of Christmas! So i’ll post one chapter a day until Christmas day! I hope you’ll all be looking forward to it!! I’m finishing up the Christmas day chapter now because I decided that i’d add a christmas chapter for them as well. I hope you’ll all enjoy it!
> 
> Thank you all!   
> \- Kim xo

Beeping. Constant beeping.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Blinking his eyes open, Junmyeon searches for the source of the beeping. It's a machine beside him, one of many machines.

Junmyeon blinks blearily, eyes droopy as he looks around the room to where a random man stands before him.

"Junmyeon, hi my name is Doctor Ren," The man says with a smile.

Junmyeon tries to speak, but chokes when he realises there's a tube down his throat. He wants to try and pull it out, but his arms remain unmoving.

"Calm down, everything is okay. We had to put a tube down your throat because we put you in a medically induced coma," Doctor Ren explains as he places an arm lightly on Junmyeon's left arm.

Why? Junmyeon asks in his mind, hoping his eyes will be able to convey his question. Luckily it does, because the doctor begins to explain everything to him.

By the time Doctor Ren has finished telling him everything, Junmyeon feels like he could vomit. Everything is such a mess, everything is absolutely fucked. A guilty feeling claws at his throat when the doctor confirms his fears. He's going through the last gasp.

"In about an hour, we will be taking the tube out of your throat. If you are stable for 3 hours afterwards, we can leave it out for good okay?" Doctor Ren explains as he wraps a blood pressure band around Junmyeons arm.

"Now, there are some people who have been waiting to see you. Would you like me to send them in? Blink once for yes and twice for no." Doctor Ren tells him, turning to look at his face again.

Junmyeon takes a moment to try and decide. Should he let them see him? Or should he just cut them off completely now and escape while he has the chance.

In the end, Junmyeon allows his eyes to close once before staring at the man. The doctor nods his head before exiting the room, leaving Junmyeon alone in the hospital room.

It's a boring wait, seeing as how he can't move his arms or do literally anything.

Junmyeon doesn't know how long it takes, but when the door to the room finally opens again; Junmyeon feels as if a boulder has been lifted off his chest.

Tears well up in his eyes immediately, and he has to fight the urge to sob lest it make him choke on the tube.

On the other hand, all eight of the boys who enter the room abruptly burst into sobs the moment they lay eyes on him. Whether from relief or sadness he is unsure.

"Hyu-u-ung," Sehun sobs as he kneels on the ground beside Junmyeon's head. Junmyeon wishes he could lift his arms and comfort him, or say something to ease his mind.

"We were so worried, they wouldn't tell us anything about what was happening," Chanyeol whimpers as he sits at the end of the bed beside Junmyeon's feet.

Junmyeon blinks his tears away as he looks between them all, trying to project his thoughts and feeling to them. The best he can do is try to spread comfort through his scent.

It's been a long time since he's smelt his scent, but his fairy floss scent is just as fragrant and noticeable as it always was.

"Hi guys, how are you all doing?" Doctor Ren asks as he enters the room, taking in the disheveled appearance of the crying men before him.

It must truly be a sight to behold, it's not often you see this many adult men crying at the same time.

"I just came to explain what will happen when we remove your intubation tube, are you comfortable discussing its removal with them here?" Doctor Ren questions.

Junmyeon blinks once, hoping that was the system they were sticking to for the moment.

"Okay great, so at the moment we have you on a body relaxant, which is a paralytic and is why you are unable to move your body," Doctor Ren explains.

"Before I leave i'm going to give you a drug that will reverse the process, and slowly you will begin to get feeling back until eventually you'll begin to fight the tube in an attempt to breathe on your own."

"We will be watching you closely to know when to remove it, we don't want to be too early but we don't want to leave it too long or you can damage your airway." Junmyeon can feel his eyes widen at his words.

"Once it is removed, you may feel some pain in your chest and throat. You may not be able to speak right away but it's different for everyone," Doctor Ren continues with a smile, seemingly oblivious to Junmyeon's panic.

"Is there any way we can help?" Minseok asks, easily recognising the fear on Junmyeon's face.

"Just make sure he drinks water, he may cough or feel discomfort but he should be fine." Doctor Ren tells them, before pulling out a needle and pressing it into the line of the drip.

"Just try to relax, it will all be fine," He says before leaving the room.

The half hour before the tubes removal is full of nerves, but the actual process of removal is fairly simple and quick.

Junmyeon's throat feels rough as he takes a sip of the water Yixing holds out to him. He lifts his bare hand and places it over the one closest to him, that of Sehun.

Sehun grips his hand back tightly, and Jongin lightly grips the other, careful to avoid the drip line. After a few minutes, a nurse comes in speaking in a hushed tone to Yixing who is closest to the door, holding a pad of paper and a pen.

"She says that until you can talk comfortably you can write down what you need to say," Yixing relays before taking them off her and placing them on Junmyeons lap.

Junmyeon carefully removes his hand from Jongins before writing 'Thank you' and showing it to the nurse. She beams a large smile at him before bowing and leaving with a giggle.

"Hyung, I dont mean to be a downer but.. Are you going to tell us what happened? You were better, how did this happen?" Kyungsoo questions as he places his hands on Jongin's shoulders.

Junmyeon pouts at him for a moment before scribbling on the pad of paper.

I will explain everything , but I dont want to write it, it's too much to explain without talking.

"Hyung we don't know when you'll be able to speak though, what if it takes days?" Jongdae asks.

Then we wait, you deserve a proper explanation.

"Okay hyung.. Also we need to talk about something else." Jongdae tells him.

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow, expecting the worst.

"So.. We aren't the only ones here, there are two people waiting in the lobby," He continues. "Its Tao and Luhan hyung."

Junmyeons eyes widen in surprise. Of all the people he was expecting, they were last on the list.

But with this information, Junmyeon comes to a realisation. Where is Yifan? He remembers a moment before he passed out where the alphas scent had reached his senses.

Had he left? Did he not want to deal with any of this? Was he.. disgusted?

During all their time together as trainees, and even when they debuted, Yifan had never shown an interest in any omegas.

There was never a moment where he saw an omega and had a clear attraction based reaction, he simply never cared for them in a romantic way.

Maybe now that he knew the truth, he was disgusted in himself, in their past. Maybe he felt cheated because of Junmyeon's lie, maybe he never wanted to see him again.

"Yifan was here too, but he got called into a meeting with the company.. He promised he'd be back later though," Minseok tells him before he can get any further into his mental spiral.

Junmyeon releases a breath he didn't know he was holding, before picking up the notepad and pen.

Bring them here

"Are you sure you're ready?" Minseok asks, getting up from the cot and preparing to go throigh the door.

Junmyeon nods lightly, still wary of the tube connected to his nose. Minseok's expression gives away his excitement, before he disappears out the door.

A few minutes later he appears again, leading two tentative figures behind him.

"Hyung," Tao cries as he sees the man sitting in the bed. Junmyeon bites his lips to hold back his tears as he lifts his bare hand and ushers the boys towards him.

Tao immediately rushes into his arms, tucking himself against his neck as he cries.

Luhan is a bit slower, but he too comes forward and grabs the hand held out to him. "I'm so glad you're okay," Luhan whispers as he uses his spare hand to wipe his face.

The rest of the boys come forward to carefully pile on the bed, hugging their leader wherever they can. "I'm sorry," Junmyeon huskily grunts before coughing slightly.

It takes about an hour, but Junmyeon finally starts to get his voice back enough to not cough everytime he speaks. And now he knows it's time.

"It's time guys.. I don't want you to be angry at me though okay? I had my reasons." Junmyeon tells them after he's forced them all to find somewhere to sit.

"I know you're going to be angry but just.. Hear me out," Junmyeon pleads as he looks at all the boys one at a time. They nod wearily, still not having any idea of what will be spoken.

"So.. to understand all of this we need to go back about 18 years, to when I was 10," Junmyeon starts, doing a quick count on his fingers to make sure he got the number of years right.

"I presented as an omega when I was 10, which is.. really early since usually omega presentations don't happen until you turn 16." A couple of the boys look to the other omegas, disbelieving until they give a little nod.

"Obviously that was alot, mixing in the extreme irregularities of my heats just made it impossible to deal with."

Baekhyun holds up his hand as if he was back in school, and asks his question at Junmyeon's approval.

"How irregular were your heats?" He asks.

Junmyeon puffs out his cheeks as he thinks back to those days oh so long ago. "They would be nearly 3 times the regular length, and i would often get them two times a month.. Which means I spent more time in heat then out."

"For a kid that was just, too much." He tells them, and they agree with wide surprised eyes.

"So I went on suppressants, which is no surprise because of the situation." He tells them with a slight chuckle, making his throat burn in irritation.

"I knew at that point i'd never be an idol, I was resigned to my fate and was just going to give up on my dream all together."

"When I got scouted, I had never been so excited in my entire life.. But I knew they would be hesitant to take me if I was an omega, I wasn't good enough to be kept." Junmyeon explains, laughing condescendingly at himself.

A hand carefully lands on his thigh, and when he looks up he can see Kyungsoo smiling at him.

"I went to the audition wearing scent patches, and they just all assumed I was a beta.. So I agreed and said that I was." He admits.

"For the first couple years I was training whilst on suppressants and using scent patches, but when Yifan hyung joined.." His words taper off.

He can feel himself drifting back to the first time he saw the alpha when he joined SM. The alpha had ticked every box in Junmyeons mind, he was perfect.

The first moment they caught eyes, Junmyeon was almost too ready to introduce himself and help the boy settle in.

"I knew in that moment I had to make a choice.. Being around him meant that I would need to wear a million patches, and since he would always sleep in my bed I knew he would find out,"

"It got to a point where I was getting 2 hours sleep a night because I was always worried about scenting through the parches, I had to change them out basically every hour and it was just too much."

A whistle leaves Sehuns mouth as he looks at his leader, a cheeky glint in his eye. "Every hour? Hyung you may as well have just dropped to your knees then and there."

The boys all fall into fits of giggles as Junmyeons cheeks flush a bright pink colour. He lightly smacks Sehuns arm to try and distract for the embarrassment he's feeling.

"At this point, I was in over my head and I knew I only had two options," Junmyeon tells them. He can see that they're all hanging on his every word, basically pulling them out of his mouth.

"Either I had to quit or I needed to go on blockers."

"You were going to quit?" Minseok asks incredulously, clearly disbelieving.

"I was 16 years old and I was naive. I talked to Yifan hyung about it, about leaving." Junmyeon explains, closing his eyes as he vividly remembers the conversation.

"I was so ready to tell him.. I wanted someone to know the truth, but before I could tell him, he said to me 'You're the only one here who truly deserves it, if you left it would be a loss for the entire world' and I just.. fucked up." Junmyeon says.

"That night I went to a new doctor and told them I wanted to go on blockers, I didn't tell them I was on

suppressants so they just let me," He explains.

"Over the next couple years, you all joined and presented if you hadn't already. I was so envious when Kyungsoo and Baekhyun joined.. that you were able to live freely because of your talent."

"For the past 16 years, i've been taking the evil trio of suppressants, blockers and birth control." A sigh leaves his mouth after he speaks the words, there's no going back now.

He has a momentary panic, wanting to take it back and continue to live the lie he created.

"But hyung, I don't understand why that's so bad?" Jongin innocently mutters. "And what does any of this have to do with what's happening now?"

"I'm getting to that now," Junmyeon tells him, causing Jongdae to shush him playfully.

Junmyeon gets lost in his head as the boys bicker in front of him. How was he going to explain this to them? should he tell them flat out? or maybe be gentle?

Is it too late for him to back down? A voice in the back of his mind tells him it's a bad idea to tell them, but he knows that's the part of him that kept this secret going for so long.

"Hyung?" Chanyeol snaps him back to attention. "Are you okay?"

"Junmyeon you don't have to tell us everything now, you've been through alot," Minseok calms him, wiping Junmyeons cheek.

It's then that he realises that he's crying. All the pain and fear that had plagued him all these years, it was finally time to let it go.

"I'm just scared.. I can do this. It's okay," He tells them as he wipes the tears away and shakes himself out of it.

"This next part has two pieces to it, because what's been happening started as one thing and morphed into another over time." Junmyeon explains as he tries to mentally map it out for himself for easier explanation.

"It started out as a suppressed heat, that was back when we were practicing for the comeback," He begins, pointing to the left of his legs as if he were visually mapping it out.

"What's a suppressed heat?" Jongin innocently asks.

"It's when you go into heat whilst you're on suppressants, which isn't supposed to happen," Chanyeol answers, looking to his omega boyfriend with wide excited eyes. You can practically see his imaginary tail wagging when Baekhyun pats his head with a grin and tells him he's right.

"They're extremely painful, and fairly rare because usually when you take suppressants you stop them for scheduled heats," Kyungsoo finishes explaining for Jongin.

"Have you ever had one?" Jongin asks before thinking, flushing when he realises how personal of a question that is.

He begins to apologise but Kyungsoo just shushes him with a smile, "No I haven't, I don't take suppressants because I have a regular cycle."

"My cousin went through one once, she said it was the worst experience of her life," Sehun tells the group.

"How many have you had Junmyeon?" Yixing asks curiously.

"Only three, which is pretty lucky based on how long I was suppressing my heats for without stopping. I had one back in 2007 when I first started taking them both, but I went home for it."

"Then the second one in 2014 because of all the stress, that one was really hard."

"When this suppressed heat turned into a real heat, it became the first real heat i've had in 14 years," Junmyeon explains, and his fellow omegas eyes practically pop out of their heads.

"14 years! Hyung that's so dangerous!" Kyungsoo scolds as he leans over to smack the leaders leg.

"I know, I know.. it's what brings us to piece number two.." Junmyeon trails off.

It's time. The carefully crafted secret he moulded over 14 years is finally coming to an end. No more hiding, no more pretending, no more lying.

"This is the part where I know you'll all be angry.. so I just want to give you all a moment to prepare yourselves for the feelings you're about to have." Junmyeon tells them, giving himself a few moments to prepare to get his ass handed to him.

"Hyung, i'm sure it's not going to be as bad as you're making it out to be," Chanyeol tells him, ever the innocent puppy.

"Are you all ready?" Junmyeon asks. They all nod or chant their agreement.

The real question is if Junmyeon is ready. This is sure to go badly, he can see it coming already. But it's been long overdue, and it's time to break the wall he made.

"So.. have any of you heard of the 'Last Gasp'?" Junmyeon asks them.

They all shake their heads no, even the omegas. Junmyeon almost wants to cry as he watches his omega babies shake their heads in oblivion, even Luhan was unaware of what it meant.

"So.. the 'Last Gasp' is what happens when omegas take suppressants, blockers and birth control together for an extended period of time. Which they warn you not to do when you present." Junmyeon tentatively explains.

"Okay.. why would we get mad about that?" Tao asks in confusion.

"Oh just wait; there's more," Junmyeon says in a fake chipper voice.

"The 'Last Gasp' is basically.. Well it's.. Uhhh," Junmyeon tries to find the correct words to explain the situation but they're escaping him.

"Okay I need to explain this differently.." Junmyeon mutters.

"So suppressants stop omegas from producing the hormones that cause our heats, where blockers stop you from producing the hormones that make you scent stuff," Junmyeon explains, trying to remember how the doctor had explained it to him.

"Together, they shut down enough of your system to effectively stop you from being an omega. Then add in birth control, and you're basically just a nullified omega, closer to being an infertile beta."

"Surely that's dangerous though," Minseok states out of nowhere, tone clearly showing that he's picked up where this conversation is heading.

"Yeah it is, which is why they tell us to never take them together." Junmyeon agrees.

"So then.. what happens if you do?" Tao asks, the golden question that everybody had been wondering but too scared to ask.

"Well, that's where the whole 'last gasp' thing comes in," Junmyeon explains, putting air quotes around 'Last Gasp'.

"Together, these three things shut down enough of your system that you dont just stop being an omega.. Your system actually starts to shut down all together." Junmyeon tells them, words getting quieter towards the end when he catches eyes with Minseok who looks like he's planning murder.

"And when you say that, you mean.." Minseok forces out between clenched teeth.

"Well it happens in stages.. First you get a suppressed heat." Junmyeon begins listing, counting off on his fingers.

"Then you start to lose your appetite until you just cant hold down any food, you're nauseous all the time," He avoids everybody's eyes and simply stares at his hands.

"Third is fatigue and insomnia, you can get either one or both at once."

"Next comes mood changes, withdrawal or anger are apparently the most common.. Which is why i've been such an ass recently," He tells them.

"Fifth is weight loss, and the stuff that comes with it through starvation like hair loss or bone weakness, then last is.." He trails off, taking a deep breath before quietly muttering, "Organ failure."

It's silent for a few moments, and Junmyeon wonders for a second if they hadn't heard what he'd said.

"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo quietly seethes before catching Junmyeons eyes. "Did you just say fucking organ failure?"

Junmyeon sucks his bottom lip between his teeth silently before nodding his head. "When you find out about the whole 'last gasp' thing, they tell you to stop all medications. You start to get better within the next couple weeks if you completely cut them out,"

"Kim fucking Junmyeon you had better not be saying what I think you're saying." Kyungsoo growls.

"I um.. I didn't know for sure that I was going through this until the doctor told me today, but even when I had a hunch.. I continued to take my meds.. which is why i'm here." Junmyeon squeaks out.

Kyungsoo says nothing, but his scent says everything. There's a palpable tension in the room as everybody stares at Junmyeon who refuses to meet their eyes.

He cant help the tears that well up in his eyes when Kyungsoo silently gets up from his spot beside Jongin and slams out of the room.

Jongin rushes after him, his call of 'hyung' echoing through the quiet room.

"So then.. you're in organ failure? you're dying?" Sehun asks in a broken tone as he tries to hold back his tears.

"Well.. yes and no." Junmyeon replies, trying to keep from breaking into full force sobs. "I got lucky that it was just early enough to not be too late, but it's not fully okay either."

"My heart is struggling because of the pressure its under, but it's not as bad as it could be because I stopped my meds a couple of days ago," Junmyeon explains to them all, leaning back against the bed.

"You stopped them a few days ago? Does that mean you were going to stop? You were going to tell us?" Baekhyun asks hopefully, perking up visibly.

Junmyeon feels like an asshole. Junmyeon IS an asshole. Looking over the hopeful faces of the people he calls his family and knowing he's about to crush their hope.

"No.. I ran out and couldnt get more.." Junmyeon mutters quietly, picking at his blanket to avoid the sad looks he knows are painted on his friends faces.

"The day before we left for China.. the errand you needed to run," Minseok starts to put the pieces together.

"I was trying to go out and buy more.." Junmyeon finishes for him.

There's a few more minutes of silence, before Sehun pushes to his feet. "I need a minute," Sehun states, voice breaking as he turns and leaves the room.

"I don't know what to say," Baekhyun admits as he too stand up, beginning to pace across the floor at the foot of the hospital bed.

"I thought you were getting better? In China you started eating again."

"Yeah the doctor explained that too, sometimes when you're.. you know.. you go through a stage of being pepped up and acting normal before everything starts to shut down." Junmyeon explains sadly.

"I know you're all angry.." Junmyeon begins, but Minseok cuts him off.

"Angry? Junmyeon i'm fucking furious! What were you thinking?" Minseok asks as he places his hands on his hips and steps closer.

"I.. I didn't.." Junmyeon cant find the correct words.

"So then what? If you had gotten the meds you were just going to continue taking them? How long did you think you had?" Minseok shouts.

"I.. I thought i'd at least have until Christmas," Junmyeon admits. Jongdae gets up from his chair with a sob, rushing out the door.

"Christmas." Minseok spits out as if it was evil. "And how long did they say you ACTUALLY would have had if you continued?"

Junmyeon knows that Minseok is leading him, finding a reason to be angry at Junmyeon beyond what he already knows. He knows he shouldn't feed into it, but they're allowed to be angry.

"They said I probably wouldn't have made it to this week." He admits.

The silence of the room is almost deafening. The scents mixing through the room almost choke him as he lets them sort through their feeling.

"Not even thisweek." Minseok states, his voice empty. "You could have died at any moment in the time we saw you, and you didn't think we should know."

Junmyeon remains quiet. There's nothing he can say that will make this better.

"How could you?" Kyungsoo asks, appearing in the doorway. None of them had even realised he was there, Jongin stood behind him with tears in his eyes.

"Soo," Junmyeon hiccups through his tears but Kyungsoo just shakes his head.

"We told you everything. We trusted you with everything!" Kyungsoo shouts.

"We came to you with everything, you told us there were no secrets, but truthfully you're just a liar. You don't care about us," Kyungsoo says almost manically. "I cant believe I ever trusted you."

The words shred up Junmyeons heart. He never wanted to make any of them feel that way. But at the same time, he feels angry; and he knows it's because of the 'last gasp' but he can't help it.

"Fuck you." Junmyeon growls through his sobs. Everybody looks at him with wide eyes, surprise evident on their faces.

"Junmyeon," Luhan whispers, but Junmyeon just talks over him.

"Fuck you all, I was there for all of you! I gave my entire life for you! Why do you think I kept this a secret for so long? Hm?" Junmyeon questions as he looks between them.

"Any guesses?" He asks again, but they all remain silent. "I kept this a secret so I could protect all of you. Who do you think was the one who copped all the shit over the years when you all fucked up?"

"Yeah you all got in trouble, but if you guys got a slap on the wrist, I got beaten to a pulp!"

"I went to meetings in the early morning so you could all sleep in, I made changes to our schedule so you would all get a break, I pushed through pain, illness, and everything in between so none of you would face the full wrath of the company."

"I'm the one who forced the company to stop Baekhyun and Taeyeon noona's dating scandal, same with Jongin and Krystal. Do you know what that resulted in? Hm?" Junmyeon in out of breath at this point, but he just cant stop.

"It meant I didnt get payed for nearly a year, 4 months for Jongin and Krystal, 8 months for Baekhyun and Taeyeon."

"And still, during all that time I bought you all food, I got you gifts and took you out and payed for you to do things."

"Did any of you ever stop to think about what I was doing behind the scenes? Anytime you came to me about ANYTHING! I would practically cut off my limbs to make it better for you. And this is what I get in return."

"When those two left," Junmyeon says whilst pointing between Luhan and Tao. "I made all the arrangements to get a new dorm, to have you stay in my room while I barely slept trying to fix everything."

"I did all of this for you. I kept this secret for you. Even back when we were trainees I kept it a secret so I could protect you all! I went without food so you could eat, I compromised my entire lively hood so you'd all have the best chance you could get."

"I did everything I could, and you all betrayed me," Junmyeon whispers, his voice finally cracking. The anger he was feeling has drained out of his body and left him feeling empty.

It almost feels like he can't breathe, like his whole world has just fallen out from beneath him.

"Hyung.." Kyungsoo says, but Junmyeon shakes his head.

"Get out. All of you," Junmyeon whispers before turning to his side.

"Junmyeon," Minseok tries but Junmyeon cuts him off too.

"Get out now. I don't want any of you here."

"No hyung, please," Baekhyun whimpers as he comes to Junmyeon's front and tries to get his attention.

Junmyeon remains silent, pushing the button to call a nurse before telling them to leave once again.

"Leave. All of you need to leave now." Junmyeon blankly states.

As Junmyeons anger and sadness mix together, he can feel the pain in his chest coming back. He tries to slow his breaths and make it go away, but he's too stressed to calm down.

A nurse comes in, saying something that Yixing replies to. The rapid beeping of the heart-rate monitor catches her attention, because in the next moment she is speaking again and telling them all they need to leave immediately .

Junmyeon remains on his side, eyes closed, as they all presumably file put of the room and back to the hallway.

Fuck. He just can't seem to get it right.


	17. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Welcome to day one of the five days of storymas! For the next five days i’ll be posting one chapter a day all the way to Christmas day!  
> I hope you all enjoy, I wanted to do something fun as a little Christmas present to all my readers.
> 
> I love you all!  
> \- Kim xo

The meeting had taken nearly two hours, which is two hours too long in Yifans opinion. The company knew that he wanted to wait at the hospital, but they decided to pull him into a meeting to discuss his contract, anything to keep him away from Junmyeon.

All Yifan could think about is what he was going to do when Junmyeon woke up. He was so worried about trying to be there when Junmyeon woke up that he hadn't thought about the long run.

There's no knowing how long Junmyeon would be in hospital for, but he knows that no matter what, he wants to be there to help him get better.

Yifan had called his company reps that morning before he was dragged into this meeting, they made the decision that Yifan would take some time off to be in Korea with Junmyeon.

It was a bit ambitious, seeing as how Yifan didn't even know if Junmyeon wanted him around, but he didn't care, he wanted to make up for his mistakes.

As he exits the meeting room, he turns on his phone to find that he has 30 missed calls from Luhan. He opens his phone and rings Luhan back, heart in his throat as he thinks the worst.

"Yifan?" Luhan calmly mutters through the phone, only to he barraged with questions.

"Is everything okay? Did something happen? Did you hear anything? Is he okay?"

"Yifan chill, everything is okay," Luhan promises through the phone, leaving Yifan to heave out a sigh of relief. "Actually thing's are pretty good, he's awake and we can see him."

Yifan stops in his tracks in the middle of the hallway, a grin spreading on his face uncontrollably. "He's awake?"

———

Now that he's calm, Junmyeon regrets all the things he said. He knows they were upset, they had a fair reason to be, but he just couldn't control himself.

He pulls the blanket up around his face and tucks it into his eyes, letting it soak up all his tears as he attempts to quiet his sobs.

He feels like the epitome of satan right now, as if his members weren't already scared enough by his health condition, he just HAD to go out of his way to be a prick.

Fuck i'm an idiot.

———

Yifan is honestly surprised that he didn't get pulled over, with how recklessly he was skimming the edge of breaking road rules.

He's never parked his car worse in his life and if he had time to worry, he'd have probably corrected it to make sure nobody hits it by accident.

He almost gets run over twice as he rushes through the parking lot to get to the main building of the hospital, there's probably a pap picture of the moment he crashed into the automatic glass door when it doesn't immediately open for him, but he can't bring himself to care in this moment.

When he finally gets to the waiting room they'd been almost religiously sitting in for the past week, he's surprised to find all 10 boys sitting there sadly.

"What are you all doing out here?" Yifan asks in confusion as he approaches the boys.

They all look terrible, in different degrees of tears and sadness; their scents a mix of anger and sadness.

"He kicked us out," Minseok admits with a sigh, looking down at his feet as he leans forward so his elbows rest on his knees.

Yifan is even more confused now. "Why did he kick you out? That makes no sense," Yifan states, and they just become more sullen.

"Why don't you ask Kyungsoo," Baekhyun grunts out. Yifan hasn't seen the omega this angry since the whole Taeyeon incident, so something bad must have happened.

"What happened." Yifan asks the group as a whole, not leaving space for them to beat around the bush.

"Kyungsoo hyung said something mean cause he was upset and Myeon hyung got angry and kicked everyone out," Jongin eventually caves.

Kyungsoo looks like he wants to kick the alpha in the shin, but one look at Jongins face has him simply wrapping him in a hug.

"I didn't mean it, I was just angry," Kyungsoo admits. It's too late to take it back though, the words had already been said, the damage already been done.

———

He doesn't know what to do. His phone was sitting on a table beside him, but he was too afraid to check it.

There's no way that news hadn't gotten out about what happened. Junmyeon simply closes his eyes and pretends that it doesn't exist.

He hears a knock on the door to his room, tentative as if unsure if it should he done. "I told you all to go away," Junmyeon calls, not bothering to turn over even when the door opens and someone steps inside.

"Myeon," A breathless voice says, and that catches Junmyeons attention. Standing in the doorway, looking as if he'd just ran a marathon, is Yifan.

"You're here," Junmyeon states, unable to think of anything else to say.

A wide grin spreads across Yifans face as his eyes brim with tears. Junmyeon immediately starts to cry when he sees it, holding out grabby hands for the alpha.

He takes the invitation quickly, almost slamming into the smaller boy as he wraps him up in a tight hug.

"God Myeon I was so scared," Yifan whispers into his hair.

Junmyeon grabs large handfuls of the alphas shirt, trying to pull him impossibly closer. "I'm sorry, i'm sorry," Junmyeon whines.

"You don't have to apologise, I'm just so glad you're okay," Yifan says as he pulls back, placing his hand on Junmyeons cheek as he stares into his eyes.

Theres a moment where Junmyeon is sure the alpha is going to lean in and kiss him, that he'd rekindle what they'd lost when the alpha left. But he doesn't, he just stays in that position.

"You have alot of explaining to do," The alpha orders as he pulls back, grabbing a chair and bringing it to the edge of the bed.

———

"You mean to tell me that you have been dying for the past month, and didn't think that was important?" Yifan yells, stood at the end of the bed as he refrains from growling at the omega.

"Not important enough," Junmyeon tells him, staring straight into his eyes.

Yifan looks as if he's about to commit homicide. "Not important enough," he spits out, as if it was burning him. "Not important enough?" He yells again.

Junmyeon is sure that they can be heard from the hallway, the other boys are probably listening in as well.

They'll be lucky if nobody calls security on Yifan for his yelling.

"Yifan," Junmyeon sighs, all the fight leaving him. "You left."

Yifan stops in his tracks at that, practically getting whiplash from the change in direction of the conversation. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, that you left me," Junmyeon repeats. "I needed you, and you left me."

The look on Yifan's face reads that he was NOT expecting to have this conversation right now. "Myeon," Yifan says, the quietest he's been since Junmyeon explained everything to him.

"I had more important things to worry about, it wasn't important enough to overtake those things." Junmyeon tells him. "You left, which means I needed to prioritise what's important."

"You know that I needed to leave, I couldn't stay," Yifan murmurs as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

"You didn't have to leave me though," Junmyeon cries, his voice breaking as he looks at the alpha.

Yifan sighs as he looks away. "I didn't want to, I had no choice."

"The company knew about us," He tells Junmyeon, whose eyes widen in surprise. Junmyeon was so sure that they had kept it a secret, not even the members were TRULY sure if they had ever been together.

"When I told them I was leaving, they knew that I would want to be with you still, they thought that maybe you would leave too and bring the others with you." Yifan explains, still unable to look at Junmyeon.

"They told me that if I was leaving, I had to cut off all contact or they would kick you out and blacklist you so you wouldn't be able to redebut."

Junmyeon is silent for a moment, staring at the side of Yifans head. "We could hav-" Junmyeon tries to say, but Yifan just shakes his head.

"They knew Myeon, everything. I wasnt going to risk your dream just because I.." Yifan trails off, not finishing his sentence.

"I would have left," Junmyeon tells him, and he can see the side of Yifans mouth pull up in a smile. "Yeah, I know you would have."

———

"So you always knew?" Yifan asks after Junmyeon has finished explaining everything.

"Yeah.. I presented when I was 10," Junmyeon explains again.

"I never even knew.. Never even suspected," Yifan says as he looks up at Junmyeon.

"That was the point," Junmyeon jokes with a breathy chuckle.

"There was one time though.. You almost found out," Junmyeon admits. Yifan looks as though he's thinking hard, trying to think of what that moment could have been. Then, the lightbulb moment happens.

"That day when my rut came early, back when we were trainees." Yifan murmurs as he looks up at Junmyeon, who nods.

"I was always on thin ice when I was around you, then that happened and I couldn't stop myself from scenting," Junmyeon explains. "Pretty embarrassing to be honest with you."

"You told me you wore blockers because your scent was too omegean, I should have known.." Yifan mutters to himself, running a hand through his hair.

"Why didn't you just tell me the truth? We'd been..for what, 3 years?" Yifan asks.

Junmyeon sighs, he always knew there'd be a time when they'd have this kind of conversation; He'd just been living in the fantasy that he wouldn't have to since Yifan left.

"I wanted to.. I always knew that i'd have to if we were going to be more but.." He sighs as he tries to hold off the words he knows he needs to say.

"I was scared.. I thought that if you knew I was an omega you wouldn't be interested in me that way anymore."

A startled laugh leaves Yifans mouth, and he looks like Junmyeon had just told him he thought the world was flat.

"Why on earth would you think that?" Yifan asks in surprise. Junmyeon lets out a whimper of embarrassment, he really doesn't want to talk about this.

"Because you never had an interest in any omegas! You're the epitome of the perfect alpha and there were always hundreds of omegas following you around but you never looked at them once!" Junmyeon whines.

Yifan just looks, utterly confused. "Did you WANT me to look at omegas?"

Junmyeon pouts, avoiding Yifans gaze. "No.."

"Then what is the problem?" Yifan asks.

"You weren't interested in omegas," Junmyeon states. He realises how stupid it sounds, upset that Yifan wasn't interested in omegas but not wanting him to be.

Yifan lets out a sigh, placing a hand on Junmyeon's cheek to make him look into his eyes.

"I wasn't interested in them because all I ever saw was you."

At his words, Junmyeon lets out a noise thats a mix between a whine and a chirp. He lets himself lean forward until he's face planting Yifans chest. "Don't say that."

"It's true," Yifan tells him, patting his head. "I still remember the first time I saw you, my first day as a trainee."

"You practically begged to help me find my way around, honestly in that moment I was so sure you were getting ready to present as an omega." the alpha tells him with a chuckle.

Junmyeon whines in embarrassment, remembering the moment he's speaking of. He was basically ready to drop to his knees for Yifan on the spot.

"I couldn't really help myself," Junmyeon tells him honestly, leaning back to look the taller boy in the eyes.

"You were just so.. perfect."

Yifan smirks at him, stroking his cheek as his eyes drop to Junmyeons lips. "Took a year, but finally you got up your nerve, cornered me in that solo practice room."

•••••

Junmyeon can practically feel his body shaking with nerves. Looking left and right into practice rooms as he searches for his target.

He finds Yifan as he's beginning to enter one of the small soundproof rooms for people to individually practice their singing.

"Hyung!" Junmyeon calls to the alphas back, grabbing his attention so he turns to face him. Yifans naturally cranky expression blooms into a grin when he sees the younger boy heading in his direction.

He makes to move away from the room, but Junmyeon rushes forwards and pushes him inside; closing the door before flicking the lock.

"Myeonie, what are you doing?" The alpha asks in confusion.

Junmyeon turns to face him, biting his bottom lip between his teeth as he stares up at the alpha in silence.

His eyes subconsciously drop to the taller boys lips, before darting back to his eyes.

He takes a step forward, and he can tell that the alpha understands what is happening here.

Yifan leans down as Junmyeon gets closer, placing a hand on his jaw and pulling him forward until their lips finally meet.

Junmyeon's hands wrap around Yifan's neck, dragging him closer until Yifan has to lift him if he doesn't want to be dragged to the ground.

He lifts the smaller boy so his legs wrap around his waist, before turning around and placing him on the small desk thats placed against the back wall.

•••••

"I didn't think i'd actually do it, I was so nervous," Junmyeon admits.

Yifan chuckles, "I'm not surprised. If you'd left it any longer I was going to take things into my own hands."

"Guess we know who wears the pants between us," Junmyeon jokes, grinning as he stares at the alpha. Yifan releases a small growl, but there's nothing behind it.

"That's pretty brave of you to say, what with you being the one who used to get jealous when i'd talk to Luhan as trainees," Yifan teases and Junmyeon releases a groan of embarrassment, covering his face with his hands.

•••••

Agitation was rolling out of him in waves, if his scent wasn't being blocked he's sure it would be choking anybody who stood near him.

At the other end of the cafeteria, he can see the back of Yifans head as he sits across from the newest trainee.

He's an omega from china, the same age as Yifan and apparently the greatest person to ever exist in the world.

Since the boy, Luhan, had joined; Yifan had started to spend more time with him and less time with Junmyeon.

He's lucky to get the alpha alone for 5 minutes before he's scuttling away to find the omega again.

It makes him feel sick to his stomach, in a way he can't explain. He knows he has no claim on Yifan, they never made things official, but he always assumed there was an unspoken thing between them.

It's been weeks since the last time Yifan allowed them to be intimate, always having reasons not to or changing the subject.

With each passing day, Junmyeon can feel a part of himself shrivelling up. He knows that he's lost Yifan's attention to this new trainee, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

He can't take it anymore, he doesn't want to watch as his heart breaks to pieces. Pushing up from his seat, he makes for the exit; leaving his food untouched on the table.

"Myeonie!" Yifan calls as he walks past. Junmyeon stops in his tracks and turns in the direction of the voice to see Yifan and Luhan both looking at him.

"Come here I wanna tell you something," Yifan says, waving him over. Junmyeon stares at him for a second, a numb feeling encapsulating his body as he notices their fingers linked on the table.

He looks back up to Yifans face, before turning around and exiting the room. He can hear the alpha calling his name but he just keeps walking.

He rounds a corner and hears footsteps following him down the hallway. A hand grips his arm and turns him around, Yifans blurry face coming into view.

Junmyeon hadn't even realised he was crying, but Yifans hand comes up to swipe away the tears on his cheeks.

Yifan coos as he pulls the shorter boy into a hug, a blatantly obvious display of alpha instincts that are generally aimed at omegas.

It's rare for alphas to coo and be so sweet towards betas or other alphas, and for a moment Junmyeon forgets that he himself is secretly an omega and just assumes the reaction is due to being around the new boy.

This thought just makes him feel worse, and he ducks out of the hug and runs away again, not caring that the alpha continues to chase after him.

He almost makes it to the elevator before Yifan makes an effort to catch him, the alpha grabs his wrist and tugs him into the language practice rooms before he gets the chance.

"Honey, what's the matter, why are you crying?" Yifan asks as he tries to corner Junmyeon against one of the tables.

"Get off me," Junmyeon whines as he tries to get out of Yifans grip. Yifan refuses to let go, lifting Junmyeon and forcing him to sit on top of the table.

"You need to calm down," Yifan tells him.

Junmyeon is tempted kick him in the balls, he's in the perfect position to do it and escape. He doesn't though, because if he got caught he could get kicked out for trainee violence.

A pout blooms on Junmyeon's features, and the alpha coos at him again. "Cmon mr pouty, tell me what's wrong."

Junmyeon shakes his head, turning his head downward so he isnt looking at Yifan's face.

"Don't pull that shit with me Myeon," Yifan says as he grabs Junmyeon by the jaw and pulls his head up so they're looking at one another.

Now really isn't the time to be turned on, but he can't help it with how possessive Yifan is acting. "Just leave me alone Yifan, go back to that new kid."

"Seriously?" Yifan says before bursting out into laughter. Junmyeon shoves him back by the shoulders before making to get off the table, tears flowing down his face.

"No no no, Myeonie come on," Yifan mutters as he grabs the small boy by the hips and pushes him back into place.

"Is that what this is all about? You're jealous?" Yifan asks as he leans into Junmyeons neck, licking it before taking a bite.

A whine leaves Junmyeons mouth as he grabs Yifan by the hair. Yifan squeezes Junmyeons ass as he sucks a hickey on Junmyeons exposed throat.

"Firstly, Luhan and I are both older than you, so show a little respect," Yofan states before pulling his hair roughly as a punishment.

"Secondly, you have no reason to be jealous, he has NOTHING on you," Yifan tells him as he leans back.

Junmyeon nods before pulling the alpha into a kiss.

•••••

"You're a bully," Junmyeon says as he smacks Yifan on the shoulder.

Yifan just smiles as he watches Junmyeon laugh. "I've missed you," He tells the sick boy with a reminiscent smile.

•••••

"Why did you give back the ring?" Yifan asks, looking down at his hands.

"Why did you leave it in my bag?" Junmyeon asks in return, getting an unhappy look from Yifan.

"I asked first," Yifan states.

Junmyeon sighs as he looks out the window beside him. "It just reminded me of you too much, of what I lost."

"Plus you took back everything else you gave me, it was the only thing I had on me that day and I just couldn't look at it anymore," Junmyeon admits.

Yifan puts a hand on the younger boys chin and turns his face so they're looking at each other, but Junmyeon refuses to meet his eyes.

"I gave it back because it is yours, it's the smallest part of me I could give without anybody else knowing," Yifan replies.

"When Luhan gave it to me, I felt like a part of my soul crumbled up and died. Because it was yours, you were meant to keep it."

Junmyeon finally meets his eyes, expression blank. "Yeah well you were meant to be mine too, that didn't stop you from taking yourself away from me."

"Then why did you keep the shirt?" Yifan asks.

"Because it's another thing I assumed you had just left behind, it was tucked in the back of my draw with the stuff I hadn't looked at in years," Junmyeon answers, not wanting to have to explain himself.

"Yeah I know, that's where I put it," Yifan states, and Junmyeon finally meets his eyes.

"I know it's dumb, but that shirt meant something; it was the only thing that made sense to be left. It made us complete," Yifan explains. "Looking back on it now it doesn't make much sense, but at the time it did."

"You're an idiot," Junmyeon says, but the smile on his face gives him away.

•••••

"Oh come on," Junmyeon complains as he crosses his arms, frowning at a grinning Yifan.

Though they were long past discussing it, the alpha had come full circle and was back to teasing Junmyeon about his jealousy over Luhan.

"Don't get all fussy, I thought it was adorable, the way you got all upset over nothing," Yifan coos as he pays the younger boy on the head.

"You're talking like I was the only one who got jealous," Junmyeon states incredulously as he raises as eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?" Yifan asks, clearly not remembering what Junmyeon is talking about.

"Don't act like you dont remember the Johnny and Sehun incident," Junmyeon says, and Yifan groans as he tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling.

•••••

"Hyung you promised me!" Johnny grumbles as he grips the older boys hand. Junmyeon rolls his eyes fondly as he allows the alpha to drag him into an empty practice room.

"You really are a child," Junmyeon says as he comes to a stop in the empty room.

"Hyung! I've presented which means I am no longer a child so you can't call me that!" Johnny complains as he walks to the corner of the room where there is a crash mat with a pillow and blanket on it.

"Where is Sehun anyway?" Junmyeon asks as he comes to join the alpha who is sitting on the comfortable surface.

"He said he'll be here in a minute," Johnny answers as he pats the space beside him, beckoning the elder to sit with him.

Junmyeon crawls onto the mat and lays down with his head on the pillow. Johnny pulls the blanket up over the top of them and lays down too, slinging an arm over the older boys waist.

The door opens a couple minutes later, Sehun entering with a grin. He immediately dives under the blanket to cuddle up on Junmyeon's other side.

"Hyung I can't believe you finally caved, Yifan hyung is going to be so mad," Sehun mumbles as he snuggles into the older boys neck.

"Shhh, no he wont," Junmyeon replies as he tucks both boys under his arms.

"Yeah, hyung he really will," Johnny agrees with Sehun.

Junmyeon doesn't bother replying, knowing that the two of them are right. Yifan has scared most of the alpha trainees into not being anywhere near Junmyeon unless he's also present.

Johnny and Sehun presented nearly a week apart almost two months ago, Sehun as an omega and Johnny as an alpha. Prior to their presentation, they would often have these cuddle sessions; puppy piling wherever they could find a comfortable place.

The three of them sleep for nearly an hour before they're shocked awake by the blanket being ripped off them.

Junmyeon sits up, disoriented as he rubs the sleep from his eyes. Standing to the right of them all, a blanket held in a white knuckle grip, is Yifan.

"Hyung?" Junmyeon mumbles as he stares up at the alpha who has a deep frown on his face and looks to be almost visibly shaking in anger.

"Out." Yifan growls out.

Junmyeon wakes up slightly more at that, blinking at the alpha whose scent is permeating throughout the room.

"Hyu-" Junmyeon tries to say but Yifan cuts him off.

"OUT!" Yifan shouts and the two younger boys on both Junmyeon's sides jump to their feet and rush out of the room.

"Hyung! What are you doing?" Junmyeon grumbles as he too stands up on the mat so he is closer to Yifans height.

His standing up is pointless though, because Yifan immediately launches at him and forces him onto his back.

"Hyung!" Junmyeon says but it turns into a groan when Yifan burries his face into Junmyeons neck and bites down.

"Oh," Junmyeon sighs as Yifan pushes up the smaller boys shirt to latch onto a nipple.

"You are mine!" Yifan growls as he leans up to pull Junmyeon into a kiss. "No more cuddling with the kids, especially not alphas."

"Yeah, yeah.. keep doing that."

•••••

"Oh come on it was not that bad," Yifan argues as Junmyeon laughs at him.

"Oh yes it was! Johnny and Sehun were scared of you for months after that!" Junmyeon wipes the tears from his eyes as he continues cackling manically.

"Yeah, they were," Yifan agrees before joining in on the laughing, though not as hard as Junmyeon. "But I had to fight for you, couldn't let them steal you away."

Junmyeons laugh fizzles out until he's just staring. As the seconds pass, he leans in and he's so sure their lips are finally going to touch, that they'll be back where they used to be.

Just as they almost get there, the door slams open and they jump apart in surprise. There's a nurse standing and waiting to enter.

The girl states, "Visiting hours are over, you have to go." Yifan sighs before pushing up from the bed.

Junmyeon's lower lip drops into a pout, and he silently watches as Yifan prepares to leave. Just before he leaves his spot beside the bed, he turns around and leans in; placing a kiss on Junmyeon's forehead.

Before he leaves, Junmyeon stops him one last time. "Can you please tell them i'm sorry?" Junmyeon asks, and Yifan agrees diligently before promising to come back tomorrow.

The silence when he leaves is deafening, but his heart is full and he hasn't felt this happy in years.


	18. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to day two of storymas!
> 
> I realised today that for some of my readers, the final day will be christmas eve (I live in Australia so it will be christmas day for me).   
> It’s currently 2:06am as i’m posting this, i cant sleep ):
> 
> I wanted to add, comment anything that you’d like to see (either written into this story or another one) because i love to hear all your ideas and i love waking up to see your comments, it makes my day.
> 
> I have a busy day planned for today, I hope that you all enjoy yours!
> 
> lots of love  
> -kim xo

Junmyeon wakes with a start, he almost has a heart attack - no joke intended - when he feels something land on the end of his bed.

"Hyungieeee," Sehun whines, body bouncing on the end of the bed to wake up the elder.

"God Sehun what the hell," Junmyeon groans as he sits up, left eye barely open. Sehun just grins at him as he continues to bounce on the bed.

"Sehun leave the poor boy alone, get in a chair," Minseok scolds as he drags the tall boy off the end of the bed so he's basically falling on the floor.

"What time is it?" Junmyeon asks as he starts to sit up his bed so he can lean back against it without risking falling asleep.

Minseok presses the home button on his phone before reading it out, "9:04am."

Junmyeon lets out a groan of displeasure, he was hoping to sleep in late now that he finally has the chance.

"Why are you here so early?" Junmyeon whines as he pouts at the men sat before him. They both look a little startled, and Junmyeon realises it's because he's showing some of his omega nature.

He would have never whined at them a couple days ago, hell he'd probably stop himself from pouting so much too.

It's almost like he cant deny himself the chance to be his true nature now that he's finally unmedicated for the first time in over half his life.

"Where is everyone else?" Junmyeon asks after they say nothing in reply to his first question.

Sehun seems to shake himself out of it and replies, "They wanted to come too, but the fansign is today and the managers took them to get ready. They'll be by again later though."

Junmyeon nods, looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry about what I said yesterday," He tells them, avoiding looking at them lest their faces show their dissapointment in him.

Junmyeon can't bare the idea that he'll lose everything.

When he was sure he was going to die, he was unphased at the idea of losing everything. He had come to terms with the fact that it was over for him and they would go on without him.

But now that he has survived, he doesn't want to watch himself lose everything he loves.

"Hyung you don't have to apologise, we talked to the doctor and he warned us that you will be suffering side effects from the malnutrition," Sehun explains, placing his hands on Junmyeons fiddling hands. "He said that one of the possible effects is bursts of anger."

"Kyungsoo must hate me," Junmyeon mutters, feeling some stray tears running down his cheeks.

Minseok sighs as he takes the other seat to Junmyeon's left. "He doesn't hate you, he's just sad that he made you upset."

Junmyeon shakes his head, pulling out one of his hands from beneath Sehun's to wipe his face. "He has every right to hate me, you all do. I lied to you all for so long and just expected it to all end without any of you knowing."

"We all know that your mistakes were laced with good intentions, and you'll have the rest of your life to make it up to us." Minseok informs him, leaving no room for negotiation.

Junmyeon simply nods, not feeling a need to reply to the words that have left Minseoks mouth. "Back to my original question, why are you both here if everyone else is at the fansign?" Junmyeon questions as he looks between them.

"Weeeeeeeell," Minseok hums with a cheeky grin as he claps his hands together. The door to the room opens and Manager Woojin enters carrying three medium sized boxes.

"What is this? Junmyeon asks as the boxes are placed down on the end of his bed.

Woojin exits the room again and comes back in with another much larger box that is empty. "Well, since you weren't able to make it to the fansign, we brought it to you."

"We sent out emails to everyone who got tickets to the signing and had them send us anything they wanted signed by the three of you, as well as any questions or letters," Woojin explains as he places the larger box on the floor.

"The letters have been sorted into boxes, this one is for you Junmyeon," He says as he places a box on Junmyeons lap, before passing the others to the other two.

"Everything is sorted into envelopes, you'll take out one at a time and do what you need to do, place everything back into the envelope, and seal it before placing it into this box" Woojin finishes as he point to the large empty box on the floor beside Sehun.

After asking if they have any questions, Woojin says his goodbye before leaving the room.

"So what did you talk about with Yifan yesterday when he came by?" Minseok asks as he picks up the first envelope and opens it to begin signing whatever was placed inside.

"That's none of your business," Junmyeon tells him but he can feel the blush that spreads across his cheeks.

He picks up the first envelope from the box, it's a pale pink colour. Pulling out the inside, he finds the card with the intructions of what the person wants.

The envelope contains two photocards of Junmyeon, A letter written on a piece of yellow paper with a giraffe in the margin, and a piece of paper with what he assumes is a question and some multiple choice answers.

He starts out by signing the two photocards as was written in the instructions, before reading thequestion.

What is your ideal type?

a) older

b) same age

c) younger

d) any

Junmyeon ponders the question, trying to decide if he should answer truthfully or tell them what they probably want to hear.

In the end, he decided to tell the truth and circles a, before carefully placing everything back in the envelope and sealing it up.

He places the envelope into the box before moving the letter to the left of his bed, starting a pile of things to keep.

"Hyungiee, you have to tell us! I've never seen Yifan smile so big since the day we found out we'd debut," Sehun teases as he pokes his leader with the marker in his hand.

"I don't have to tell you anything, it was private," Junmyeon says, but the smile on his face gives him away easily.

They spend the next 10 minutes working in silence, and by silence he means that Minseok and Sehun kept trying to goad Junmyeon into talking about Yifan whilst Junmyeon signed things.

If you had to, which of your members would you date?

Yixing, cause maybe then we'd get to see him.

Which girl group songs do you like the most recently?

Red Velvet - Bad Boy

SNSD Oh!GG - Lil Touch

Which boy group songs do you like the most recently?

BTS - Fake Love

NCT U - Baby Don't Stop

STRAY KIDS - My Pace

Junmyeon carefully closes the envelope and throws it into the box.

•••••

"Hyung I need to tell you something.." Sehun admits when he finally stops pestering Junmyeon.

"Yes Sehunie?" Junmyeon asks, looking up from the letter he was reading. Sehun looks nervous, which passes on the anxiety to Junmyeon who can't imagine what the maknae is going to say.

"I um... i've got a boyfriend," Sehun admits after careful consideration. Junmyeons eyes fly open as he leans forward to check that nobody is near the door.

"Jesus Hun, you need to be more careful about saying shit like that," Junmyeon lightly scolds, but the large grin on his face gives away how happy he truly is for the youngest.

"How long for?" Junmyeon asks as he grabs Sehun by the shoulder and shakes him. Sehun almost looks like he wants to cry from relief.

"A little over 3 years."

"3 years?" Junmyeon asks in surprise. "That's a bloody long time to keep it a secret, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

At this Sehun seems to become nervous again, biting his lip as he stares into his leaders eyes.

"It's Tao hyung," Sehun quietly admits.

For a moment Junmyeon wonders if he'd heard wrong, that maybe he was just imagining the words that just left the maknaes mouth.

"Well shit," Minseok mutters as he tips his head back to look at the ceiling. "Why'd you have to go any say that Hun, now i'm gonna have to tell him too."

"Tell him what, hyung?" Sehun asks in confusion.

"That Luhan and I are together," Minseok admits, though he sounds like a little kid who has accidentally broken his parents favourite pot.

Junmyeon can't help the surprised laugh that leaves his mouth, although he guesses he shouldn't be too shocked.

"You too?" Junmyeon asks as he stares at the elder. "How long for?"

It's always been funny to Junmyeon how even his elder members acted like he was their parent, so to see Minseok looking so awkward trying to explain his secret; it's kind of laughable.

"Almost 8 years," He admits, looking anywhere but at Junmyeons face.

"WHAT?" Both Junmyeon and Sehun yell at the same time.

"Shut up! Woojin hyung will hear you," Minseok hisses as he leans forward to slap his hands over both of their mouths.

They both apologise but the shock doesn't easily leave. "That's since before we even debuted!" Junmyeon states in shock.

"We got together about 4 months after he joined the company, we were going to tell you all eventually but things just kept coming up," Minseok explains as he leans back in his seat.

"But that was around the time that Lu hyung spent practically every moment with Yifan hyung," Junmyeon says as he thinks back to the conversation he had with Yifan yesterday.

"Well yeah, he was the only other chinese trainee who was Yifans age, obviously Yixing was there too but you know its always a different bond with same age friends," Minseok tells him.

"I was really jealous of how close they were at first, but I came to understand that they needed each other."

Junmyeon nods, thinking that he was a selfish asshole for how he acted in the beginning, how he was so jealous over nothing.

"I was jealous too," Junmyeon admits.

"Yeah you weren't exactly subtle," Minseok jokes with a shit eating grin.

Junmyeon pouts at him as he opens the next letter. "I wasn't that bad," He murmurs as he reads the card.

If you could debut in any other group, which would it be?

None, I love my members and wouldn't want to leave them. We will all grow old together!

"Yeah you kinda were hyung, plus I saw you that day when you went into the language practice rooms with Yifan hyung," Sehun explains, dragging Junmyeon's eyes in his direction.

"You were really fucking disheveled and you had a ginormous hickey on your neck," He teases.

Junmyeon smacks him slightly on the arm as his face shines a bright pink. "It wasn't that bad," Junmyeon whines as he closes the envelope and throws it in the box.

"Oh yes it waaaaas," Sehun teases, not looking at the leader as he signs some stuff.

"What was?" A voice asks from the doorway, making the two omegas and the sole alpha screech is surprise.

Standing in the doorway is Luhan, Tao and Yifan, looking like they're trying to hold back laughter.

"What the hell guys?" Sehun whines as he throws his marker at the boys standing in the doorway. Yifan catches it with a laugh before walking into the room and sitting on the end of the bed.

"Oh cmon Hun, don't be like that," Tao teases as he approaches the omega.

"You are so mean! I nearly had a heart attack," Junmyeon says as he glares at the three of them. They just smile, looking at what they're all doing.

"So what are you three doing, what's with all the envelopes?" Luhan asks as he takes his rightful seat on Minseoks lap, taking the letter out of his hand to read it.

"We're supposed to be at a fansign, but since Myeonie couldn't go we brought it to him," Minseok explains as he takes the paper back and signs it before placing it back in the envelope and throwing it in the box.

"That's nice of the company to do, i'm surprised they didn't just cancel," Yifan says with a huff of laughter before pulling a letter out of the box to read over.

"You guys have any more pens? I can help," Yifan asks as he looks up from what he was reading.

Sehun digs into his box and pulls out another marker, throwing it to Yifan before going back to what he was doing.

If you could collaborate with any artist, who would it be?

Exo CBX

It feels surreal having them here with him, having his ex members sitting and talking with him. Laughing.

"Seriously! Lu how can you let this happen," Junmyeon asks after Luhan admits the company wants him to be a part of a fake dating scandal.

"I told them no, I can't do that to my boy," Luhan explains as he lightly slaps Minseok on the cheek, grinning from ear to ear.

"Good, I don't want you to be put through anything like that," Junmyeon says as he throws another envelope into the box.

"Oh no," Yifan says after a minute, and all eyes turn to him. "Myeon please tell me you've been writing your answers in Chinese."

"Oh god you didn't," Junmyeon questions as he stares at the alpha, who just stares back at him with wide eyes. "Yifan you know that I can't write Chinese."

A 'pfft' sound comes from Tao before he and Sehun burst into laughter. Junmyeon groans as he puts his face in his hands.

"'Faaaaan," Junmyeon whines as he looks at the alpha. Yifan looks really embarrassed as he pouts at Junmyeon.

"I'm sorry, it's been a while since i've written in Korean it's just a force of habit to write Chinese," Yifan apologises.

"It's too late now, maybe they won't tell anybody," Junmyeon tries to reason, though he knows for a fact that they will get out at some point.

The look on Yifan's face shows that he knows the same thing, but he won't say anything.

"God we're screwed," Junmyeon says as he blows out a breath.

As soon as the company finds out about this, there will be massive trouble. Fuck.


	19. 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Storymas day three!  
> I can't believe how close christmas day is, this year has felt surreal in how fast it has passed.
> 
> Today I got one of my christmas presents early, my mum and I both payed for me to get a new laptop for gaming and i love it so far.  
> I hope you all have great days  
> -kim xo

"I don't want you to go back," Junmyeon admits as he sits on the edge of the bed, watching Yifan pack up his things to prepare to leave.

"I know Myeon, but I have to," Yifan says as he stuffs a shirt into the bag he's holding.

"If I don't go back now, the company will make a fuss and we'll both be in alot of trouble."

Junmyeon huffs as he turns his head to look out the window. The view outside isn't great, just some building tops and roads, but it's a good distraction.

"Everyone is going to meet us outside and then we'll head to the dorm." Chanyeol tells them as he pops his head into the room with a smile.

"How long?" Junmyeon asks, getting a reply of 10 minutes.

"If I were you, i'd say your goodbyes now," Chanyeol informs him with a sad smile.

A sigh leaves Junmyeon as he nods his understanding, going back to looking out the window in an attempt to deny reality.

Its been 5 days since he woke up, and finally the day that he will be heading back home.. the day Yifan leaves for China. Junmyeon has been dreading this day, knowing that the moment he gets back he will be in major trouble with the company.

The company has been eerily silent, only Woojin has heard anything from them. Usually Junmyeon would have to check his emails like crazy, answering a million company messages and trying to fix all the shit SM messes up.

Yet, since he woke up it has been silent. Though part of that could be due to the fact Minseok took his phone after their private fan-signing and denied him access to any media while he was in the hospital.

"I don't want you to go," Junmyeon says again. In the silence of the room, he can hear the sound of Yifan walking around the room.

An arm slides around his shoulder and pulls him into a firm chest, a firm chest that is vibrating with a purr. "I'll be back in a few days, I just need to get my things together," Yifan tells him.

"A few days too long," Junmyeon mutters into his chest sadly. Yifan runs his hand up and down the omegas arm as he holds him tightly.

"Just think of how much you'll miss me in that time, you'll be so excited to see me when I get back," Yifan teases as he leans his cheek on the top on Junmyeon's head.

"You're a weenie," Junmyeon says, much to Yifans amusement.

"You love my weenieness," Yifan replies, and Junmyeon laughs at the unexpected reply.

Yifan lets him go and taps him on the nose before going back to what he was doing.

"i'll miss you," Junmyeon tells him. Yifan sends him a blinding smile, before wrapping him up in another hug.

"I'll miss you too," Yifan tells him.

"It's time," Chanyeol calls from the doorway. The two of them pull away, Yifan walking to pass the bag to Chanyeol.

Junmyeon solemnly walks out behind him, stopping in the doorway to look back at Yifan. "I'll catch you on the flipside," Yifan says.

Chanyeol's light grip on his arm gets him moving down the hallway. "I know it's hard hyung, but he'll come back soon."

"That's what he said the day he left," Junmyeon mumbles, making Chanyeol realise why he looks as though someone had kicked his puppy.

There was no way of knowing if Yifan was telling the truth, for all they know he could just be saying it to ease Junmyeon's stress.

"Well.. you'll always have us," Chanyeol says as he wraps his arm around his shoulder and pulls him into an awkward walking hug.

"Yeah.." Junmyeon says, but realistically he knows that could be a lie too.

The journey to the car park is silent after that, just the sounds of their footfall and their surroundings. The nurses and doctors who worked with him say goodbye as he passes, wishing him the best in broken korean.

He thanks them all graciously, shaking their hands and signing things for them.

All the boys are waiting outside the car for him when he appears, and suddenly Junmyeon is glad he's dressed in baggy clothing when he notices how many paps are waiting there for him.

Chanyeol tugs him closer as he rushes them to the van. Everybody gets in quickly after them, leaving Junmyeon tucked safely in the middle seat of the back row between Minseok and Kyungsoo.

"How are you feeling hyung?" Kyungsoo asks as he carefully places a hand on the elders leg.

Honestly Junmyeon is really glad they sent him home with a couple barf bags, because the feeling of motion sickness rushes over him quickly.

"Not good... I think i'm going to be sick," Junmyeon says as he leans forward in his seat, barf bag open in case he does vomit.

Hands rub his back carefully in an attempt to soothe him, a pleasant calming scent wafting through the van.

"Are you sure you should leave today? Shouldn't you be feeling better?" Chanyeol worriedly asks, Junmyeon can practically imagine his wilted puppy ears.

"It's the withdrawal," Junmyeon explains as he tries not to gag. "They gave me meds but they have just as many side effects as going through it without them."

"Do you have something that lists the side effects so we can read it?" Minseok asks, and Junmyeon just vaguely points to the bag Yifan had packed for him.

One of the hands leaves his back as Minseok rummages through the bag in search of the form. He makes a small 'ah ha' sound when he finds it, before clearing his throat to read it aloud to the others.

"Possible physical side effects include : muscle pain, excessive hunger or loss of appetite, fatigue, insomnia, nightmares, lethargy, nausea, stomach cramps," Minseok reads, his tone becoming more upset as he reads through the long list.

"Possible psychological side effects include : depression, agitation, crying, irritability, restlessness, delirium, hallucinations, paranoia, severe anxiety and suicidal tendencies or self harm."

"Other possible side effects include : disorientation, dissociation, loss of interest in pleasure or activities, teeth chattering, cold sweats, tingling hands or feet, trembling, weakness, dilated pupils and seizures," Minseok finishes.

"Jesus hyung, is the nausea the only effect you've been having so far?" Jongin questions.

Junmyeon leans back in his seat with his eyes closed,

feeling sweaty like he's just done a whole concert. "No, i've had quite a few."

"We're going to watch over you very carefully, if it gets worse we'll take you to the hospital again," Minseok tells him as he grabs hold of his bare hand.

"Thank you," Junmyeon whispers, leaning his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder. Kyungsoo's head rests gently upon his own.

"Hyung i'm sorry for everything," Kyungsoo tells him. Junmyeon grabs his hand amd squeezes it gently.

"You have nothing to apologise for."

"I love you all so much, thank you for everything," Junmyeon tells them. "I'm really sorry for everything, for what I did to you all."

"Hyung we're just glad that you're okay," Sehun remarks from the front of the car, all of the others agreeing immediately.

"You all deserved better than me, I couldn't keep us together.. I couldn't do anything, I failed you all," Junmyeon mutters, finally opening his eyes to look at them.

"It isn't your fault," Yixing says like a promise, but Junmyeon doesn't believe him.

"It was.. It was all my fault," Junmyeon says.

"What exactly was your fault hyung," Jongdae asks, trying to figure out exactly what Junmyeon is attempting to apologise for.

"It's my fault that Yifan hyung cut us all off like he did," Junmyeon informs them, but they just disagree.

"He did that because he wanted a clean break hyung, a fresh start," Jongin tries to tell him, but Junmyeon knows the truth now.

"Yifan told me the real reason when he saw me," Junmyeon tells them, and they become silent; waiting to hear the real reason.

"The company knew some stuff that happened between Yifan and I, so they told him to cut us off completely or they'd kick me out and blacklist me," Junmyeon explains, feeling guilty that they lost a friend because of him.

"What did they know?" Yixing asks, completely bypassing the fact that it was all Junmyeon's fault.

"It's personal," Junmyeon says at the same time that Sehun states, "They were boning."

"Sehun!" Junmyeon squeals in horror, his face blushes as everyone stares at him jaw dropped. Sehun has the mind to look apologetic, clearly not realising that Junmyeon was planning to keep his private life private.

"Hyuuung, how could you not tell us sooner!" Baekhyun whines, ever the gossip. Because of how big of a social butterfly both Baeakhyun and Chanyeol are - plus how Chanyeol tells his boyfriend everything - Baekhyun is always coming to Junmyeon with gossip about other idols.

From relationships to break ups to hookups and everything inbetween, Baekhyun knows everything. "I didn't tell anybody, it was private!" Junmyeon reasons.

"Then how did Sehun know?" Baekhyun asks, a pout in his features.

"I witnessed some intimate moments," Sehun explains, and Junmyeon takes off and throws his shoe at him.

"Sehun shut up!" Junmyeon grumbles. This was way too much discussion about his private life for his liking.

"How long was this going on for? When did it end?" Kyungsoo asks, surprisingly curious about his private life.

"It started about a year after Yifan joined the comapany, and when he left.." Junmyeon trails off as he looks down at his hands.

"Well that explains alot.. explains why you were so upset about him leaving," Minseok says, patting his thigh in a comforting way.

Junmyeon hums as he slowly nods his head.

He hates thinking about those times, hates thinking about how he felt and what he was so close to doing. It felt like he'd lost a part of himself, like his heart had been ripped in two and thrown on the floor.

"He didn't try to contact you at all? To tell you the truth?" Jongin asks, and Junmyeon shakes his head again.

"No.. I knew nothing, he was just gone," Junmyeon tells them.

"God and even during all that time you were out there for us when we fell apart, that day you went on stage alone for us.." Minseok mutters, guilt rushing through him.

"It's my job as leader, I had to," Junmyeon says with a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Besides, it was a good distraction."

Its only a few minutes later that they arrive at the dorm, only to see hundreds of people standing outside waiting with cameras.

"You're okay hyung," Sehun says as he pats the shorter mans leg.

"Okay we need a game plan," Woojin says as he looks at the group outside the car.

"Junmyeon's scent is way too noticeable, so you'll need to go a different way."

"We can't send him around the back by himself," Minseok states.

"One of you will have to go with him, preferably an alpha with a stronger scent," Woojin tells them dustractedly as he reads something on his phone.

"Crap we need to hurry, I need to get to a meeting," Woojin explains.

"Okay, Chanyeolie can go with Junmyeon; and maybe Yixing too? Since he probably isn't meant to be here with us," Baekhyun says as he pats his alphas chest.

"I agree, you two with me. We'll meet you inside," Junmyeon agrees before the rest of them pile out of the car.

"Be careful everyone," Junmyeon tells them before the door is shut and the van drives to get to the back of the dorm.

Surely their fans would quickly become suspicious, but its the only choice they have.

He can imagine all the theories now, that Chanyeol and himself are dating, that Junmyeon is trying to steal away the alpha for himself.

He shakes his head to dislodge those stupid thoughts, and concentrates on trying to hide his scent as much as possible.

To get the the back of the dorms, the van is forced to park in a side alley where they'll then have to walk down another alley thats too thin for a car to fit through.

The pace at which they are moving is way too fast for Junmyeon's body to handle, and he's greatful that Chanyeol and Yixing are basically holding him off the ground as they nearly sprint through the alleyway.

A few people notice them, it's hard not to when people go sprinting past you in a back alley. But nobody notices who they actually are, too distracted by their other members and likey assuming they're just rushing somewhere.

The velocity in which the three of them are moving nearly results in them running head first into the back doors. They don't stop fast enough due to their speed and they barely manage to stop in time to not collide with the door.

At that point a more people start to take notice of them, what with Junmyeon's screech of terror being so noticeable. Rushing down the alley in time to see Junmyeon using the little strength he has to slap the two boys holding him up.

It becomes a stampede. Hundreds of fans rushing in their direction as they wait for the members to open doors and allow them to enter.

In the end Chanyeol sweeps Junmyeon off his feet in a princess hold and runs through the door.

Junmyeon hisses in pain when Chanyeol throws him back on his feet. Clearly the alpha wasn't thinking about his actions, as he throws him carelessly onto his feet in a way that makes him twist his ankle slightly.

"Jesus Chanyeol," Junmyeon grunts as he rearranges himself so he's standing properly.

"I'm sorry hyung," Chanyeol whines as he pulls the door closed after himself, Yixing already inside pressing on Junmyeon's ribs to make sure he isn't seriously hurt.

"Chanyeol you need to be more careful," Yixing scolds as he guides Junmyeon further inside. "You're lucky he didn't break another rib."

Chanyeol just whimpers and continues to apologise, all the way up to the other's meeting them in the lobby.

"Yeol what did you do, why are you apologising?" Baekhyun asks his boyfriend sternly as he stands beside him.

You can hardly hear him past the screaming of fans outside, alongside the sound of cameras clicking.

"I accidentally hurt Junmyeon hyung coming inside," Chanyeol whines at his boyfriend. Honestly sometimes its hard to tell which if them is the alpha and which is the omega.

"Chanyeol," Baekhyun says before slapping the alpha on the shoulder.

"I'm okay, don't worry guys," Junmyeon tells them, patting the alpha on the head.

"Everybody in?" Minseok asks, and Junmyeon does a quick head count before agreeing.

They walk up the stairs feels like it takes forever, but when they finally get back inside the dorm, Junmyeon almost wants to cry from happiness upon being able to lay on his bed.

"How are you feeling?" Minseok asks when he finds the leader laid face down on the bed unmoving. Junmyeon groans and the alpha chuckles at him.

"That good huh?"

"I missed my bed so much," Junmyeon murmurs into the covers as he crawls up so his head is resting on his pillow.

"Okay Jun, get some sleep. I'll wake you up when it's time for food," Minseok tells him before quietly closing the door.

It takes barely a few moments to fall asleep, and it's the best he's felt in months.


	20. 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day four of storymas and it’s now christmas eve!
> 
> I dont have much to say today, but i hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> lots of love  
> -kim xo

"No," Yifan firmly says as he stares back at his company reps who look like they've just sucked on a lemon. "I told you I want to take some time to be in Korea with Junmyeon, i'm not taking on more projects."

"Yifan, this movie would be a great opportunity for you, they want you as the lead," Mr Li says as he slides the movie script across the table for the second time.

Yifan just silently stares at them, body unmoving as he glares menacingly. He had come to this meeting straight from the airport, still feeling tempted to book a flight straight back to Korea.

Yifan had expected this meeting to be about his apartment in Korea, as he'd asked his manager to work with the company reps to find an apartment where he would still be able to work on his music, whether this be near a studio or have one in it he didn't care.

So to come in here, excited and thinking he'd be able to go to Korea even sooner to surprise Junmyeon, only to find out they were trying to stop him from going all together.. he was pissed.

"Have you found an apartment for me in Korea yet?" Yifan asks, completely avoiding the topic of the movie script.

The reps look slightly uncomfortable, and Yifan understands why when Mr Zhao says, "We decided to put the search on hold, as we got news of this movie offer."

"I asked you to do this nearly a week ago, and you still haven't done it," Yifan growls as he frowns at the reps, only one of them looking the slightest bit apologetic.

"Truthfully, we were reached out to by a representative at SM entertainment who learnt about our search, they asked us to stop looking due to worry for their artists," Mr Yang says, the only representative who was ever fully honest with him.

"Are you kidding me?" Yifan says with a surprised laugh, eyes wide. "They think i'm a danger to their artists?"

"After learning of Mr Kims omega status, they were worried that you would cause problems with him due to your.. history," Mr Li explains, laying his hands on the table.

Yifan leans back in his chair, head tipped back so its dangling over the back looking up at the ceiling. "He should have left with me when he had the chance."

"I don't care what they say, I need to be there with him, I can't let him down again." Yifan tells them.

"I'm sorry Yifan, but in this situation we have no choice," Mr Li tells him, and Yifan simply gets up and walks away; not even stopping when they call for him to come back.

He's tempted to punch someone, maybe even a wall, though a person is definitely still an option. He doesn't know what to do.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Yifan calls Luhan and asks if they can meet. Luhan agrees quickly and says he'll call up Tao and invite him.

They meet in a coffee shop that doesn't allow photos, ordering themselves drinks before finding a private corner to sit down where they won't be disturbed.

"So what's up hyung?" Tao asks before taking a sip of his coffee. Yifan sighs, taking a sip of his own drink before replying, "I asked my company to help me find an apartment in Korea so I can stay with Junmyeon for a little bit, and they didn't."

"Why didn't they?" Luhan questions.

"Apparently SM found out and called them saying I am a danger to their artists, then they got a new movie offer for me so they just stopped looking all together." Yifan explains as he leans back in his seat, his earlier anger tumbling back.

"Wow, they'd stoop that low," Tao practically spits as he leans forward on his elbows.

"I can understand why they'd worry about you being there, especially now that they know Junmyeon is an omega; they probably think you'll try to steal him away from them," Luhan says.

"I just can't believe my company listened to them, they didn't even bother to tell me until today," Yifan grumbles.

Luhan sighs before leaning forward so he's leant against the table. "Yifan have you really thought this through? Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"What do you mean?" Yifan asks, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. His scent darkens in the air, and the omega sits back in his seat; but doesn't back down.

"I mean, are you sure this is the right thing to do. You worked so hard to get away from Korea with a clean break, you didn't even talk to Tao or I until we left too," Luhan says.

"I never wanted that," Yifan explains with a sigh. "The company knew something that would have gotten Myeon kicked out if I stayed in contact with anybody."

"What did they know," Tao asks, sitting upright in anticipation of what he'll say.

"They knew about us, Myeon and I," Yifan quietly explains. He's still aware that they're in a public place where anybody can hear what he's saying.

"You two were together?" Tao asks in surprise, and Luhan just tuts at him.

"As if you didn't know, everyone knew," Luhan laughs as he slaps Tao on the arm.

"We weren't together, not officially. We just had.. I dunno, an unspoken knowing of what we were to each other," Yifan explains before sighing deeply.

"I didn't even tell him I was leaving, I said i'd be home that night.. We even had plans together," Yifan tells them, and the mood becomes more somber.

"I met with the company in the morning while you were all practicing, then I went straight back to the dorms and packed my stuff."

"I took 5 minutes to write a note before I left.. But it wasn't enough, he deserved more, you all did," Yifan says.

"Why didn't you ever call him and tell the truth," Tao asks, still naive about SM's powers of destruction.

"They told me if I ever tried to contact him he would be kicked out and blacklisted, and I just couldn't do that to him." Yifan admits.

"I would rather him hate me for leaving without saying goodbye than hate me for ruining his dreams."

"Everything that has happened to him recently has been my fault too.. He was going to quit being a trainee and tell me the truth, and before he could I told him he was the only person who deserved to be there so he instead went down a dangerous path that nearly killed him," Yifan tells him, angry at himself for causing someone he loves so much pain; even if unintentionally.

"Hyung that isn't your fault, you didn't know, he made that decision himself," Tao tells him comfortingly, but he doesn't feel better.

"Yifan, won't the company know now? The manager would have had to tell them we were there.." Luhan says, and Yifan realises he's right.

Chances are that SM knows that the three of them had gone to see Junmyeon, which means that Junmyeon is going to get into alot of trouble.

"Fuck," Yifan sighs as he lens his head back to look at the ceiling. There he goes again, making Junmyeon's life difficult.

"It's out if your control Yifan, they would have found out somehow," Luhan tells him.

"I just wish I could go back and start over." Yifan admits sadly. "If I knew it would all go like this, I would have never left."

Luhan puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes. "Yifan this all happened in this way for a reason, for all you know it could have been 2 times worse if you had stayed."

"At least I would have been there to protect him, maybe things would have gone better if I had stayed.. Maybe he would have told us the truth sooner," Yifan says as he shakes his head.

"Yeah maybe, but maybe he would have left us instead.. or maybe none of us would stay friends and it would all go bad," Luhan says in the most comforting way he can.

"A shirt, a single shirt," Yifan says randomly, looking between the two boys. "That's all I left him, a single shirt of mine."

"More than you left any of us," Tao jokes, but it undeniably fell flat.

"Seriously Tao," Luhan grunts as he slaps the younger boy again. Tao mumbles his apology before looking back to his former leader.

"6 years, and all I left him was a single shirt," Yifan says again, and the boys finally understand what he's trying to say.

"You were in love with him," Luhan states, not asking but rather stating a fact.

"Am," Yifan corrects, avoiding their eyes. "Am in love with him."

"Hyung.." Tao mutters, Luhan speaking immediately after, "Yifan it's been 4 years, all that time?"

"Always," Yifan admits. "I was there through it all, it's just that nobody knew it."

"Meaning?" Luhan asks, trying to understand what the alpha is saying.

"After I left, I was still there," Yifan explains, "I was in the crowd during comebacks, hiding at concerts. Sometimes i'd even sit outside the dorms and hope i'd see him when he left to go somewhere."

Luhan blows out a puff of air as he realises just how deep into this Yifan is. "I need another coffee," Tao states as he takes in the information, before getting up to order them all new drinks.

"Were you going to mate with him?" Luhan asks once the younger alpha is out of earshot. Yifan says nothing, but the look in his eye says everything.

"We were never official," Yifan says, but Luhan can read between the lines to what he's really saying.

We were never official, but I was in love with him.

We were never official, but I wanted to mate with him.

We were never official, but I was willing to give up everything for him.

We were never official, but I wanted it all with him.

We were never official, but he was the end of my story. He still is, the end of my story.

"Does he know?" Luhan asks, and again Yifan stays silent; looking down at his fiddling hands.

"I don't know," Yifan answers, "I hope so, but I just don't know."

"Did you ever talk about it?" Luhan asks and Yifan shakes his head.

"He always avoided the subject, I knew he wanted to be with me but he never let it happen.. Looking back on everything that happened recently I can understand why."

"Hyung maybe you need to talk to him, get it all out there," Tao suggests as he places the three take away coffees on the table.

"I don't know if he'll want to hear it," Yifan mutters, sounding like someone just kicked his puppy.

"That's such shit," Luhan says whilst laughing, and Yifan gives him a weird look. "He still likes you, he'll definitely want to hear it."

Yifan sits silently for a few moments, mulling over what Luhan had said. "Okay.. I have to go, I need to talk to my company."

The three of them hug as they say their goodbyes, and then Yifan makes the trek back to his company.

"Yifan, we're glad you called us back," Mr Zhao proclaims as the alpha enters the room, an aura of scariness following behind him.

"Listen to what i'm saying because i'll only say it once," Yifan says as he comes to a stop at the end of the table.

"I am going to Korea to watch over Junmyeon, I don't know how long for, but i'm going," Yifan tells them.

"When I leave today, I will be flying to Korea to look for an apartment and I will be staying there until further notice."

The reps don't look happy, well, other than Mr Yang. "Yifan, I don't think we've been clear enough with you," Mr Li attempts to say, but Yifan just barrels over him.

"No, I don't want to hear it. I joined this company because you told me you were better than SM, that you'd treat me like a person," Yifan berates them.

"If you force me to stay now, you are no better than those people who treated me like shit for years."

They all stare silently at him, before looking between each other.

"How long do you expect to spent in Korea?" Mr Li asks, the beta finally backing down.

"I dont know yet, but I'll be there for as long as it takes." Yifan sternly says, crossing his arms over his chest.

The man purses his lips as he stares across the table, tapping his fingers together as he thinks.

"Okay," Mr Li says, linking his hands on the table. "But there will have to be some conditions."

Yifan slowly nods, loosening up his posture. "Okay, then lets talk out some conditions."

"Firstly, depending on how long you're gone you'll need to come back for meetings every two weeks," Mr Li begins, but Yifan shakes his head.

"Once a month," Yifan bargains.

"Fine, once a month." Mr Li agrees as he writes on a piece of paper sat before him.

"Whilst you're away, you'll need to work on your album so it's ready for release when you get back," Mr Li continues. Yifan has no objections to this, nodding slightly in agreement.

"When you get back, you will take any jobs given to you," Mr Li says and Yifan hums in disagreement.

"I don't know about that."

"Yifan," Mr Zhao sternly begins as he leans forward on the table. "You're planning to leave for an undetermined amount of time, to chase after a boy you left behind years ago."

"I didn't leave him by choice," Yifan grumbles as he frowns, but he just looks at him incredulously.

"You made the choice to leave then, and you're making the choice to leave now." Mr Zhao states, "So you need to take some responsibility when you get back."

Yifan sighs, but eventually agrees to their terms, only tweaking a few as they hash them out. In the end he leaves with the promise that he can stay in Korea as long as necessary.

Yifan is already searching for apartments on his phone whilst he walks back to his car and is surprised at the people he sees waiting for him when he gets there.

"What are you two doing here?" Yifan asks with a grin as he gets closer.

"We're coming with you, we can help you find an apartment like ours," Luhan tells him, elbowing Tao in the waist.

Yifan pulls the two of them into a hug as he thanks them, receiving tight hugs in return.

"Okay, let's do this," Yifan says as he lets go, smiling at the two of them as they grin back.


	21. 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!   
> Day five of storymas is here, marking christmas day! I hope you all have incredible days and enjoy the time with the people you love.
> 
> I want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has been with me this year through the journey of writing of ‘Last Gasp’.  
> Together you’ve seen me all through my university degree, getting my wisdom teeth removed, my birthday, and now christmas!  
> I am incredibly grateful to everyone who takes the time to read and enjoy my story, and im sending all my love to all of you on this day.
> 
> Love you lots!  
> -kim xo

"I hate you," Junmyeon mumbles into his pillow when Minseok gently tries to manoeuvre him out of bed.

"Come on, up you get," Minseok gently coaxes as he wraps his arms around the leaders tiny waist. Junmyeon whines as he tries to fight, trying to wiggle out of the elder boys grip.

"I know, I know," Minseok coos as he lifts the small boy to his feet and basically carries him out of the room.

Junmyeon pouts, eyes verging on tears. He knows it's dumb, but he's so exhausted and he feels horrible. All he wants to do is lay in bed but the boys want to spend time with him.

Minseok carefully places Junmyeon down on the corner of the couch before covering him with a blanket. "I know you're feeling terrible, but they need this." Minseok whispers to him as he stares into tear filled eyes.

"Guys! Come to the lounge!" Minseok calls to through the dorm. After a few minutes, the rest of the boys emerge from their rooms to join the two eldest in the lounge.

"I know we've all been having a bit of a hard time recently, and we haven't always gotten along the best, but it's Christmas day tomorrow so we're going to put up the tree!" Minseok explains excitedly as he gestures towards the floor where their christmas tree is boxed up.

"Really?" Sehun asks excitedly, still ever the child. At Minseoks nod, the tall boy steps forward and kneels beside the box.

After everything had been placed on the floor for easier access, Chanyeol quickly puts the tree together so they can decorate.

"I didn't think we'd do Christmas this year," Jongdae admits as he untangles a piece of tinsel. There's a hum of agreement from the rest of the group.

Junmyeon bites his lip as he tries to hold his tears at bay, guilt flooding his veins. With a deep breath, Junmyeon wraps the blanket around his shoulders and pushes to his feet to kneel on the floor beside the tree.

He opens a box and pulls out another piece of tinsel to untangle. There's a scent of happiness permeating around the room, one that hasn't been this strong in months.

"What colour tinsel are we going to use?" Junmyeon asks as he rummages around the box again. So far he and Jongdae have untangled a white piece and a light blue piece consecutively.

"I think we should stay with white and blue, maybe some silver!" Jongin says excitedly as he bounces on the spot.

"Okay, here Baekhyun start putting this up," Junmyeon replies as he holds the unraveled tinsel up to the omega, who takes it with a grin.

Kyungsoo starts to hum as he helps Baekhyun wrap the tree, passing it to Jongin to put on the very top where it's harder to reach.

The atmosphere is homey, bringing a happiness that shines through the darkest of times. "Im going to make hot chocolates!" Yixing announces as he gets off the floor and heads to the kitchen.

"Hyung can we watch a movie after this?" Chanyeol asks Minseok who is opening some of the tree prongs.

"Of course we can, how about you go pick one whilst we do this," Minseok replies. Chanyeol's eyes glitter as he dashes to his room to pick out a movie for them to watch.

Once the tinsel is finished, Junmyeon shuffles along the floor to put some baubles on the bottom part of the tree.

"Hot Chocolates!" Yixing calls happily as he brings in mugs with hot chocolate in them. "Here Jun, you can have the first one!"

Junmyeon smiles and thanks Yixing as he is passed the first mug. He gets to his feet and shuffles back to the couch where he gets comfortable, a smile on his face as he watches the boys.

I'm so glad I got to see this. Junmyeon thinks as he watches Chanyeol come back with multiple DVD covers in his hands, a wild grin on his face.

He didn't know if he'd make it to Christmas, he's so glad he did. He'd have never been able to forgive himself if he'd ruined this for them.

"Hyung! Are you going to put on the star?" Baekhyun asks with a grin as they all look to Junmyeon. He smiles back before putting his mug down and joining them next to the tree.

Baekhyun passes the star over, and Junmyeon looks down at it.

He remembers when they first bought it, back when they were still 12. It was their first Christmas, and it was the only thing they would afford at the time. But even till now, they still use it every year.

He reaches up and places the star on top, the boys cheering as they step back and look at the tree.

•••••

Junmyeon can't sleep, he's been waiting the last hour for everyone to go to bed and fall asleep. He can't risk leaving the room whilst everyone is awake.

Sehun is dead to the world, has been for the last two hours now.

Junmyeon slips out of bed as quietly as possible and wanders through the dorm, popping his head into each room to check that everyone is asleep.

Once he's sure that nobody will come wondering out, he goes back to his room and crouches beside his bed, pulling back the covers to dive beneath it.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, he shuffles the presents out from beneath the bed. He had worked hard a few weeks ago to make sure they were all wrapped in case he wouldn't be here.

He takes them out one at a time, careful to place them as quietly as possible. He also doesn't want to accidentally break anything, so he makes sure to put heavier things down first so nothing gets crushed.

When he's finished putting everything, Junmyeon makes sure everything is labeled with who its for, before stepping back to look at his handy work.

•••••

"Hyungs! There are presents!" Sehun squeals in excitement as he runs down the hallways to wake everyone up.

"Sehun shut up! I'm trying to sleep!" Junmyeon hears Chanyeol yells back through the walls. There's a few moments of silence before a thump and a door opening. "Wait did you say presents?"

After a few seconds, more doors open as members wake up and follow Sehun to the lounge where the christmas tree now has presents underneath.

"Hyung! When did you even do this?" Sehun asks.

"I didn't this wasnt me," Minseok replies. There's a chorus of people agreeing that they too hadn't filled the underneath of the tree with presents.

Junmyeon decides that's the moment to get up, he stops in the open doorway as the boys try to figure out who'd put the presents there.

"Guys," Yixing cuts them all off as he catches eyes with Junmyeon who has a wistful smile on his face. "I think your secret santa has woken up," he continues before nodding his head in Junmyeons direction.

All heads immediately turn to where Junmyeon is watching them from the hallway.

"Hyuuuung!" Sehun whines as he steps forward and pulls Junmyeon into a careful hug.

Sehun leads him to the couch and sits him down before kneeling at his feet. "When did you do this? You were in bed before everyone."

Junmyeon cant help his grin as everyone kneels in front of him, eager to hear what he has to say. He feels like a dad.

"I waited until everyone was asleep, then I went into all your rooms to make sure, then I got out everything and put it under the tree," Junmyeon explains.

"But! But! Where did you hide them hyung?" Baekhyun asks as he bounces on his knees.

Junmyeon tuts and pats him on the head. "Come on now, I can't tell you that otherwise you'll always go looking!"

Baekhyun grins cheekily. "You can open them now, Woojin is getting breakfast for everyone so he'll be here soon." Junmyeon tells them before gesturing towards the tree.

"Hyung! You think of everything!" Jongin says happily, stars in his eyes as he looks up at the leader.

This is the best Junmyeon has felt in a long time. He feels like for the first time, he has finally done something right.

"But hyung, there isnt one for you," Sehun says as he pats the elders knee.

Junmyeon smiles and shakes his head, "Go on Sehun, open your present."

Sehun looks like he'll argue, but the smile on Junmyeon's face must change his mind because he shuffles under the tree and grabs his present.

It's a heavy flat package, and when he opens it he finds a new laptop. "You said that yours wasn't working so I thought you may need a new one."

"Thank you hyung!" Sehun says gratefully as he gets closer and hugs the leader again.

One at a time, they all eventually open their presents. Some speakers for Chanyeol, an expensive pair of headphones for Kyungsoo, new shoes for Jongin, a leather jacket for Yixing, a watch for Minseok, a gaming console for Baekhyun with some new games and a painting for Jongdae.

"I know they aren't anything special, but I needed to get you all something after everything I put you through this year," Junmyeon says.

"Merry Christmas," They all say before puppy piling Junmyeon to thank him.

"Merry Christmas," Junmyeon whispers back as he hugs as much of them as he can.


	22. 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YESR EVERYONR!!!!  
> Thank uou all for reading my story and sticking with me theough this year! i really appreciate you all and i hopp next year bringd you all graat yhings!
> 
> i love you all   
> \- kim co

"Hyung, you have a visitor?" Baekhyun calls from the hallway. Junmyeon groans as he pushes up from his bed, his new withdrawal medication is leaving him exhausted.

He's currently living in a constant state of cold sweats and nausea, and just general disgust. All Junmyeon wants is to sleep and cry through the pain.

He almost feels as terrible as he did during the last few days before he was in hospital, but he does feel better knowing that he isn't dying anymore.

When he walks down the hallway to the lounge, he's surprised to see the 4 eldest members of Shinee sitting and waiting for him.

"Hey hyung," Junmyeon greets Jinki as the eldest immediately stands up to pull him into a hug. It's almost painful how tight the grip on his body is, especially alongside the physical exhaustion and the broken ribs.

Oh the broken ribs. That conversation was not one that went down well.

•••••

"Hyung I have to tell you something," Junmyeon says to Minseok, dragging his attention away from the letter he was signing.

"Is something wrong?" Yifan asks, putting down what he was reading immediately to check if everything was okay.

"Well yes, kinda?" Junmyeon tells him.

"What is it Jun," Minseok asks as he gives the omega his full attention.

"Sooo, you know how you fell on top of me during that rehearsal because Sehun dropped us?" Junmyeon asks.

Sehun whines a small 'hey' before saying, "I already apologised for that hyung."

Minseok just shushes the younger boy before agreeing that he remembered the moment.

"Well I just thought I should mention that I have 3 broken ribs, but everything is fine," Junmyeon states nonchalantly as he signs another photocard.

Theres a few moments of silence as the alpha processes what he's just been told, before it connects in his brain and he starts angrily yelling.

"I told you! I said that you needed to get checked cause I heard something and you said nothing happened and it didn't hurt!" Minseok growls out, nearly dropping Luhan on the floor and he jumps to his feet so he can pace.

"Yeah I lied about that too, it actually really hurt and made it quite hard to breathe," Junmyeon admits.

Now that he's let loose on his best kept secret, he doesn't see the point in lying about anything else now.

•••••

Junmyeon was sure that if Luhan hadn't been there in that moment, he'd probably be dead. Looking back on it he realises that he should have been a little more tentative about his words.

Honestly though, telling the truth just felt so good he didn't want to lie anymore.

"Hyung, i'm sorry but you're hurting me," Junmyeon admits and Jinki immediately releases him while apologising.

The other three just stick to awkward handshakes to avoid causing anymore accidental pain, before retaking their seats on the couch.

"I remember when this used to be our dorm, you guys decorated it well," Jonghyun tells him as he looks around the house.

"Yeah Kyungsoo and Chanyeol got a bunch of stuff to liven the place up once we moved in," Junmyeon replies to his fellow omega as he takes a seat on the loveseat beside the couch.

"Not to be rude, but where's little Taeminie," Junmyeon asks as he tucks himself in a ball, putting his feet on the couch.

"He's out with Jongin, he's been feeling a bit down after everything so Taemin is trying to cheer him up," Minho explains as he leans back against the couch, getting more comfortable.

"Ah," Junmyeon says sadly, feeling guilty that the alpha is having so much mental distress because of himself.

"Yeah, so we thought we'd come see how you were doing," Kibum tells him with a grin. "Wasn't expecting to be assaulted by your new omega status though."

Junmyeon keeps forgetting to keep his scent under control, having been used to it being non existent for so long.

"I uh, was actually always an omega.. Even before I joined SM," Junmyeon admits, unsurprised when they show their blatant shock.

"Well I definitely wasn't expecting that," Jonghyun admits as he huffs a surprised chuckle.

"Yeah, my members weren't too fond of the news either," Junmyeon jokes with a forced smile.

The four boys just look at him sadly, almost like they've seen into his soul and know things they couldn't possibly.

"How did you keep it a secret?" Minho asks, alpha protectiveness tinting his voice as he speaks.

"I was taking suppressants and blockers alongside my birth control.. which is a big no no," Junmyeon explains.

"How big of a no no?" Jinki asks, his alpha status leaving him just as confused as Minho.

"Like.. a dying type of big no no?" Junmyeon tells them, his answer sounding mostly like a question.

"Jesus Myeon," Kibum says as he leans foward, his elbows on his knees as his hands grip his hair. Junmyeon knows the news can really blindside you at first, especially coming from him.

Nobody would have expected careful, protective and aware Junmyeon to do something so stupid that put him in so much danger. I guess people can really be surprising.

"That explains why all the company reps have been losing it at everyone the past couple days, especially the omegas." Jinki murmurs as he leans back against the couch, throwing an arm back along the top of it around Jonghyun.

"Really? Is everyone okay?" Junmyeon asks in concern, he never wanted his poor choices to cause problems for those around him.

"Taemin was telling me yesterday that they pushed back his solo album and Taeyong got banned from practice until further notice," Jinki explains.

"Why would they do that? I know they're evil but I didn't think they'd go so far as to punish other groups," Junmyeon says as he runs his hand through his hair.

"If it makes you feel better, all the NCT boys refused to practice without him so he was allowed to come back," Jinki tries to cheer him up but he can't help but pout.

"Hyung?" Someone asks from behind him, when he turns he sees Kyungsoo staring warily behind him.

"Yeah Soo?" Junmyeon asks, turning further around to face him properly.

"You need to take your meds now," Kyungsoo tentatively tells him.

Even after everything had been sorted out, Kyungsoo was still walking on egg shells around him. He clearly still feels bad about what happened between them, even after they both apologised and cried it out.

"Yeah, thanks Soo," Junmyeon says as he gets up from his seat. He pats Kyungsoo on the shoulder as he passes, before heading through to the kitchen.

He downs the tablet with some water before heading back to the lounge to retake his seat. Kyungsoo is still standing where he was when Junmyeon left, and waits until he reappears to speak to him.

"I'm going to go meet Jongin, the company pulled Taemin into a meeting so he's all alone," Kyungsoo informs him, standing in place as if waiting for permission.

"Okay Soo, be safe," Junmyeon tells him with a smile, and gets one in return. Kyungsoo pats him lightly on the shoulder as he passes.

"Minseok hyung is just in the other room with Chanyeol if you need anything." Kyungsoo says before heading for the door.

"Wait Kyungsoo," Jinki stops him before he can go any further. "Why did the company call in Taemin?"

"Oh, I don't really know hyung, I think Jongin said something about planning for your enlistment?" Kyungsoo replies.

"I'm coming with you then, they know to not call him in without us," Jinki says as he gets to his feet.

"I'm sorry Junmyeon, I need to go."

Junmyeon stands up and gives him a hug to say farewell, wishing him luck on his enlistment the following day.

"So what do you have to do now that all this has happened to your health?" Kibum asks.

"I'm not allowed to take any suppressants, blockers or birth control for at least a year," Junmyeon explains.

"Hows that been for you then? has the whole scent thing been weird?" Jonghyun, his fellow omega asks.

Junmyeon hums as he adjusts himself in his seat. "It's mostly been hard for the others, because they're so used to me not having any scent it's been really strong for them."

"Can you not use scent patches?" Minho questions. Junmyeon shakes his head, "No, they said no scent patches for at least two months."

Minho whistles, surprised that he wouldn't even be able to use scent patches.

"What I just can't seem to understand is why you kept it a secret for so long, I know it's rare but even SM takes omegas," Jonghyun says.

Although he's right, Junmyeon almost feels disappointment at his lack of understanding in the matter. It's not his fault though, Jonghyun is one of the most talented artists he knows.

"SM only takes omegas if they're too good to let go of, I wasn't one of those omegas and I knew it," Junmyeon explains, and Jonghyun just looks sad.

"Look at it this way, you and I joined SM at around the same time," Junmyeon begins his example as he gestures between Jonghyun and himself. "If they had to choose to keep you or keep me, who do you think they would have chosen?"

The silence that lingers is very telling, it's clear that they want to deny what Junmyeon is implying but can't because they know he's right.

"Hyung?" someone says in the silence, and Junmyeon turns to see Baekhyun standing behind him.

"Yeah?" Junmyeon asks, and Baekhyun holds out a phone to him; Junmyeons phone. "You've got a call."

"Thanks Baek, sorry guys i'll be just a minute," Junmyeon apologises as he takes the phone and wanders to his room for some privacy.

He doesn't bother checking the contact, as Baekhyun has accepted the call so it probably wasn't the company.

"Hello?" Junmyeon says into the phone as he closes the door behind him and takes a seat on his bed.

"Hey angel," Yifans voice echoes through the phone. Junmyeon can't help the smile that blooms on his face when he hears his voice.

"I've been waiting for your call, thought you forgot about me," Junmyeon teases as he curls up against his headboard, but his voice clearly gives away his surprise.

It's been a couple days since Yifan left for China and as the days passed Junmyeon became more sure that Yifan was going to leave again.

So to hear his voice, to get this call.. He can't help the warmth that blooms in his chest.

"Sorry myeonie, i've been trying to get things finished before I brought you over," Yifan tells him.

"Brought me where?" Junmyeon asks in confusion.

"To my apartment," Yifan explains.

Junmyeon sits up more straight, even though he's alone in his room where nobody can see him. "You're here?"

"Yeah, and i'm coming to pick you up right now so you better get yourself ready," Yifan tells him, leaving no space for disagreement.

Junmyeon makes a small 'eek' sound when the phone cuts out showing that Yifan has ended the call. He leaps to his feet immediately and heads back to the lounge where Jonghyun, Minho and Kibum are all standing waiting for him.

"I'm really sorry Myeon but we just got a call from Jinki hyung and we have to go," Minho tells him before pulling him into a hug.

"That's okay guys, I hope everything is okay," Junmyeon tells them before pulling Kibum into a hug.

Jonghyun comes up next, giving him a hug before grabbing him by the shoulders. "Everything will be okay with time, we're all on your side."

Junmyeon thanks him before giving him one last hug and letting them out the front door.

He wanders quietly through the apartment into the back room where he finds Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Minseok and Jongdae watching a movie.

"Hey guys," Junmyeon greets as he leans against the doorway. Everyone greets him back, Jongdae pausing the movie so they can talk easier.

"I'm going out, I don't know how long for," Junmyeon tells them, and is unsurprised when Minseok immediately tries to stop him.

"Jun you know that you need to be relaxing for the next couple days, you can't just go out," Minseok tells him, alpha tone bleeding in slightly.

"Hyuuung," Junmyeon whines as he stamps his foot slightly. "I'll be fine, i'm going out with Yifan."

"Jun.." Minseok still seems uncomfortable with the idea of Junmyeon going out now that he's aware of his omega status, especially not with an alpha who they no longer fully trust.

"Hyung, I promise i'll let you know if anything happens, you need to trust me," Junmyeon begs.

Although it seems as though Minseok is going to say no, he eventually nods his head with a sigh. "Okay, but you need to stay in contact."

Junmyeon grins and blows a kiss at them as he says goodbye, grabbing his phone as wallet from

his room before heading to the door.

He waits in the foyer for about 5 minutes before he gets the text of Yifans arrival.

Yifan is standing outside his car when he comes out, and immediately brings him into a hug when he gets close enough.

"I missed you," Yifan whispers into his hair.

"I missed you too," Junmyeon replies as he pulls back with a smile.

Yifan opens the door for Junmyeon to get in, before heading around to the drivers seat.

The drive is only about 10 minutes, excluding the almost 10 minutes they were stopped at a drive through waiting for their order.

"Myeonie are you sure you don't want some chips?" Yifan asks as he opens the door to his apartment to allow Junmyeon to enter.

"Honestly 'Fan I barely even wanted this Americano," Junmyeon admits, holding his empty hand against his unsettled stomach.

"Are you okay? I thought all these side effects would stop now that you're off the meds?" Yifan asks, locking the front door and showing Junmyeon to the lounge where he can sit down.

Junmyeon lets out a happy grunt when he gets to sit down again, as sitting and laying are the only times when he feels slightly better.

"It's the witchdrawal, I was on those meds for over a decade so i'm having a really tough withdrawal." Junmyeon explains.

"Is there anything that makes it better?" Yifan asks as he sits beside the smaller boy.

Junmyeon shakes his head before moving closer to Yifan and tucking himself against the alpha. Yifan wraps an arm around him and tugs until they're chest to chest.

"I just feel so gross," Junmyeon mutters into Yifans collar bone, trying to not drool on him. Yifan hums, rubbing up and down the omegas back.

"You will for a while, but it will get better in time," Yifan tells him. "Do you want me to put on a movie or something?"

"Can we lay down?" Junmyeon asks at the same time, before backtracking when he realises how forward that is. "Uhh I mean.. yeah a movie is good."

Yifan chuckles at him before grabbing him beneath the thighs and lifting him as he gets to a standing position.

Junmyeon loops his arms around his neck with a squeak, having expecting Yifan to lay on the couch; not get up.

Yifan carries him to his bed before sitting down with Junmyeon in his lap. "Is this okay?" Yifan ask, hands on his lower back just above his bum.

"Yeah," Junmyeon breathes out as he rests his head on the alphas chest, listening to his heart.

"This reminds me of that time when you got a double ear infection," Yifan mumbles, and Junmyeon groans at the memory.

"How could you bring that up, that was so embarrassing," Junmyeon whines.

"You were so sweet back then, just constantly crying because you couldn't hear properly," Yifan murmurs.

Junmyeon opens his mouth and bites Yifans arm lightly. "It was scary 'Fan, the company wanted me to perform and I had no idea what was happening."

"You were adorable," Yifan tells him as he used one of his hands to run through Junmyeon's hair. "Just stayed in my bed for a couple weeks while you got better."

"It smelt like you," Junmyeon replies.

Yifan hums, stopping his hand as it rests in Junmyeon's hair.

"Were you ever going to tell me? I mean, after the first time," Yifan asks. Junmyeon shrugs his shoulders before leaning on his elbows so he is face to face with the alpha.

"I don't know.. Maybe one day," Junmyeon says, but honestly he doesn't know. If he hadn't told his other members this whole time.. would he have told Yifan?

"I should have stayed," Yifan says out of nowhere.

"No hyung, you needed to go," Junmyeon disagrees as he places his hands awkwardly on the alphas face. The position he's in doesn't look or feel very comfortable, so he tries to rearrange himself by shuffling further up Yifans body.

There's only a few centimetres stopping them from being nose to nose, and Yifans features soften with a smile.

"Hi there," Yifan whispers.

"Hey," Junmyeon replies, before leaning down and licking the tip of the alphas nose.

"Ew Myeonie," Yifan whines as he wipes his face.

Junmyeon laughs as he tilts his head back. When he tips he head back down again to look at Yifan, the alpha is smiling softly at him.

"I am in love with you."


	23. 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Dont have alot to update on at the moment so here’s a nice little chapter for you!
> 
> -kim xo

The smile slowly fades from Junmyeons face as the words repeat in his head.

"I'm in love with you."

Junmyeon pushes himself up and off of Yifan so he is sitting on the bed. Yifan sits up too, and he looks pale and nervous.

"Yifan, you can't say that," Junmyeon mumbles as he looks down at his hands, picking at his nails as he avoids the alphas gaze.

"Why not?" Yifan asks, as if the reason wasn't blazingly obvious.

"Yifan.." Junmyeon mutters, but the alpha continues.

"Give me a reason Myeon, I want to know why I am not allowed to say something I have been feeling for 10 years," Yifan grumbles, getting off the bed to stand with his arms crossed.

"You just can't, now is not the time for stuff like this," Junmyeon tells him as he gets up on his knees so he is closer to Yifan's height.

"When is the time then huh? It wasn't the time back when we were together, it's not the time now.. So when is the time?" Yifan asks angrily, clearly losing control of his feelings.

"Hyung, that's not fair," Junmyeon says, but that just angers him more.

"No Junmyeon, what's not fair is that I have kept my feelings a secret for a decade and now that i'm being honest about them you say it's STILL not the right time!" Yifan growls, beginning to walk out of the room as he speaks.

Junmyeon immediately gets to his feet to chase him down, starting to get slightly angry himself. "Back then was not the time because I wasn't my true self! I couldn't be in a relationship with you when you didn't know one of the biggest parts of me!"

"You chose to keep that from me! How am I supposed to ask for the truth on a matter that I had no idea about!" Yifan yells.

"That isn't what I meant," Junmyeon says as he grabs Yifans arm so that they are facing each other.

"Then what did you mean? If you dont feel the same just admit it instead of making it seem like it's all my fault," Yifan tells him as he pulls him arm out of Junmyeon's grip and continues walking.

"Yifan I can't say it back! Even if I want to I can't!" Junmyeon shouts back. Yifan stops walking and turns around so they're facing each other, standing at other ends of the hallway.

"Do you want to though?" Yifan asks. The tension is palpable, Junmyeon feels as though he is on the verge if crying.

He wants to say something but the words are trapped in his throat. He turns his head to the left and is happy that through the open door he can see a toilet.

Junmyeon rushes in and leans over it just in time to spill what little he had in his stomach. A hand comes down to rub his back as he vomits, he just wishes this was all over.

"I'm sorry," Junmyeon murmurs between gags. The alpha remains silent as he rubs his back.

When Junmyeon finally stops, the hand on his back retracts and he can hear footfall signalling the taller boy walking away.

Tears flood Junmyeon's eyes again at the realisation that he has once again ruined everything. Junmyeon is so caught up in his head that he doesn't even realise the alpha has come back until he hears a gruff 'here'.

The omega turns to see a glass of water held out to him, which he takes with thanks. He turns so he can lean his back against the wall, tilting his eyes to look at the alpha.

"This is why I can't say it back," Junmyeon states before taking a sip of the water, almost wanting to spit it out because of how bad his mouth tastes.

"If you wanted to say it back, you have no excuse not to," Yifan grumbles as he too sits down on the floor, but against the wall furthest from Junmyeon's position.

Junmyeon shakes his head as he closes his eyes. "For the first time in over a decade I am actually an omega, which means that the company is going to be pissed at me enough without me going off and secretly dating."

"Especially not secretly dating someone that they basically banished me from seeing."

"It's not their choice, if we are in love then they can't keep us apart," Yifan states as if he didn't know all that the company was capable of.

"Yifan don't be stupid," Junmyeon says as he opens his eyes to stare sadly at the alpha. "Us being allowed to be together is a fantasy that not even a wizard could fulfill."

"We belong together Junmyeon, I know that you feel it too," Yifan says as he shuffles across the floor so he is sat directly in front of Junmyeon.

Junmyeon just looks down at the floor, letting the tears stream down his face. "You know that the company will never allow it, they'll find a way to destroy us."

"I don't care, I want to be with you.. Everything is just so right when we're together, it's like no matter how far we stray there's always something leading us back to each other," Yifan states, grabbing on of Junmyeon's hands.

"I feel like i've known you forever, when I look at you it's like i'm remembering a past life when we were together," Yifan tells him, and it's not for the first time.

•••

"Do you believe in soulmates?" Yifan asks as they stare up at the ceiling, the two of them laid on the practice room floor.

"I don't know," Junmyeon answers truthfully. "Do you?"

The alpha nods his head, "Yeah I do, I think that in every lifetime, we're searching for our soulmate."

"Have you ever heard the Chinese tale about the red string of fate?" Yifan asks, turning to his head to look at Junmyeon. The younger boy shakes his head before staring at the elder.

"It's said that everyone has an invisible red string tying them to their soulmate, and in every life that string will bring them together."

"So you think we both have soulmates?" Junmyeon questions.

Yifan smiles and grabs Junmyeons hands, linking their fingers together. "I think you're my soulmate," Yifan admits as he stares into the younger boys eyes.

Junmyeon's smile is blinding, eyes scruched as he leans forward for a kiss.

•••

"Yifan thats just a fairy tale, it's not real," Junmyeon whispers as he looks up at the elder boy.

"It's real to me." The alpha states. The room is silent after, neither knowing what to say to explain where they're coming from and why they're right.

"If you really love me," Junmyeon says after a few minutes of silence, his voice choked up as he tries to hold back tears. "You won't make me do this, you'll wait until the time is right."

"Junmyeon there will never be a right time," Yifan sadly mumbles, preparing to get up and leave the room.

Junmyeon grabs the older boys wrist and stops him, staring into his eyes.

"There is a right time.." Junmyeon says before using his other hand to wipe his face. "In four years our contracts with SM will be finished and we can all start fresh."

"No Junmyeon," Yifan says, making the omega bite his lip to hold back the tears threatening to spill.

"Hyung please," Junmyeon begs as he tries to pull the alpha back to the floor again, but he just shakes his head and stands up.

As he's about to walk out the door, Junmyeon stops him. "Hyung wait, wait," He says as he grabs the alphas hand and turns him around to face each other.

"Can you at least wait until after I meet with the company?" Junmyeon begs one more time, gripping the front of the taller boys shirt.

"Junmyeon" Yifan sighs as he grabs the omegas wrists, preparing to pull him off.

"Hyung please you don't understand, they still haven't called me in to meet with them since I got back," Junmyeon says, finally managing to stop Yifan in his tracks.

"They haven't called you in yet?" Yifan asks, trying to clarify what is being said.

"No.. I assumed they were just giving me a few days to get stronger before I came in," The omega says, but even his words sound weak as they leave his mouth.

They both know what this means, how bad of a sign this is. They watched it happen all the time when they were trainees, trainees finally presenting as omegas and not called in by the higher ups for a few days after; making them believe they were safe.

If this is as bad as they're assuming, Yifan won't have to wait the four years left in their contracts.

"Okay," Yifan agrees, finally understanding the fear that is driving Junmyeon at the moment.

Junmyeon is understandably overwhelmed, and faceplants the alphas chest to quiet his sobs. "It's okay Angel, we'll get through this."

"I don't care what happens to me, I just dont want the others to be hurt because of me," Junmyeon whines as he leans back, Yifan taking the chance to wipe his face.

"They wouldn't do that, they didn't cause anything when I left," Yifan trues to comfort, but Junmyeon just shakes his head.

"They didn't do anything to the others because I took it all, for all three of you leaving I handled it all and none of them knew," Junmyeon explains as he looks up into the alphas eyes.

"None of them have had to deal with the full wrath of the company, I don't think they can handle it," Junmyeon says.

"So you've just been accepting full responsibility of punishments for all these years without telling anybody?" Yifan asks.

Junmyeon nods slightly before tucking his head into his chest again. "I wanted to keep them safe, I couldn't tell them."

A sigh leaves Yifans mouth as he drags Junmyeon back to the bedroom to lay down again.

The silence of the room allows the two to drift into a peaceful sleep, only to be ruined when they're shocked awake by the sound of Junmyeon's phone ringing.

"Hello?" Junmyeon asks sleepily into the phone.

"Junmyeon! Where are you?" Minseoks voice says through the phone, a tone of panic running through it.

"I'm with Yifan hyung, what's wrong?" Junmyeon replies as he sits up, suddenly much more awake.

"We all just got back, you need to come home now," Minseok says, not going into detail.

"Hyung are you all okay? what's happened?" Junmyeon asks, and Yifan too sits up looking worried.

"Just get here now," Minseok says before hanging up.

Junmyeon and Yifan rush to grab their stuff before leaving. They basically break the door down trying to open it, revealing all the boys standing and sitting in the lounge.

Junmyeon does a quick visual assessment, nobody looks hurt and nobody is crying though they look like they want to.

"What happened?" Junmyeon asks, stepping into the room and placing his hand lightly on Kyungsoo's head.

"We got called into the company," Kyungsoo tells him.

"All of you?" Junmyeon asks, and Kyungsoo nods.

"At first it was just Jongin and I because we were at the company, then they called in everyone else."

"What did they want?" Junmyeon asks, feeling sick to his stomach about what the company could possibly want with them.

"They asked alot of questions to do with you, hyung," Sehun quietly admits.

Junmyeon shouldn't be surprised, SM has always had a habbit of throwing curveballs when you least expect it.

"Questions like what?" Junmyeon tentatively asks, not sure if he truly wants to know.

"They asked if any of us knew and if we thought Luhan, Yifan and Tao knew," Minseok tells him, and Junmyeon nods.

"Okay, that's not so bad," Junmyeon says calmly, looking back at Yifan.

"Hyung," Jongdae calls, catching Junmyeon's attention. "They were asking about your ability as our leader."

"Obviously we all told them how great you are hyung, we wont let them ruin us anymore than they already have." Chanyeol rushes to say.

Junmyeon just releases a sigh, leaning against the back of the couch and looking at the floor. He nods once before pushing up and wandering towards his room.

"I need to lay down," Junmyeon murmurs as he passes everyone.

"Wait hyung," Jongin calls before getting up and walking over to him. "The reps told us to give you this."

Junmyeon turns and sees a sealed envelope being held out to him. He takes the envelope and opens it, unfolding the letter inside.

Dear Mr Kim,

We request that you please join executives Ho, Son and, Min for a meeting on December 27th at 8:30am.

This meeting is compulsory, and non-negotioble. Please be on time, we have alot to discuss.

Executive Min.

"Shit," Junmyeon says through a sigh, refolding the letter and tucking it back in the envelope.

"Okay, you all will have to practice without me tomorrow," Junmyeon says as he looks over the boys before him.

"We have a variety show appearance in a couple days so you need to be ready."

"What about you hyung?" Baekhyun questions.

Junmyeon lifts the envelope and wiggles it, "I have a meeting."

There's a solemn aura in the room, but Junmyeon just smiles and walks back to Yifan.

"I'll call you tomorrow okay?" Junmyeon says, the alpha nodding in agreement. They hug tightly before Junmyeon says his goodbye and heads to his room, giving the others a chance to say their goodbyes.

Junmyeon dive bombs his bed, face planting and releasing a sigh. He turns over and faces the ceiling, placing his hands on his stomach.

"Fuck."


	24. 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, im sorry its been so long since i’ve posted. I’ve been having some struggles with mental health recently so I havent been writing as much and in turn haven’t looked at the chapters i have ready for upload. I hope you can forgive me.
> 
> enjoy  
> -kim xo

"Okay guys, I don't know how long this meeting will go for but i'll come get you guys when i'm done so we can go home," Junmyeon tells them with a smile, trying to keep his voice cheerful despite the fear running through his veins like poison.

"Hyung are you sure you don't want us to come with you?" Kyungsoo asks, but Junmyeon just shakes his head no.

"I'll be okay, just you wait; i'll probably be out and with you guys in an hour," Junmyeon says, but they just give him looks that show how much they don't believe him.

With one last smile, he waves goodbye before burning and walking towards the elevators. People give him looks as he passes, probably surprised that he has a scent that's so obvious.

He even saw one of the alpha trainees accidentally walk into a door frame while doing a double take. Honestly it makes him feel slightly self conscious, like these people are seeing a part of him he'd rather keep private.

When he gets to the meeting room, he knocks a couple times and waits to be called in. Opening to door, he sees that the large meeting table is filled with executives of the company, with Lee Soo-man himself sitting at the head.

The opposite end of the table has the only empty seat, and Junmyeon quietly takes it.

"Mr Kim," Mr Min says as he looks up from the paper sat before him. "Is there anything you'd like to say before we begin?"

"No," Junmyeon replies with a tight smile. It's daunting being sat in a room as the lone omega among multiple alphas and betas.

Mr Min nods his head before looking back down at the paper. "Okay then, let's begin."

"So it has come to our attention that you are in fact an omega, we first need to talk a bit more about that," Mr Min begins as he flicks through the papers before him.

"First things first, was this you presenting?" He asks, and Junmyeon shakes his head instead of verbally responding.

"If you could answer verbally please," Mr Son says tightly, as if restraining himself.

"No it was not, I had already presented." Junmyeon explains.

"And when did you present exactly?" Mr Min questions.

"I presented before I joined the company." Junmyeon answers.

An awkward silence follows as they all stare at him. Mr Min lets out a humming sound before writing something down.

"So you willingly signed a contract with our company, that promised you would give notice when you present, and kept that secret?" Mr Min tries to clarify.

"When I entered the company they assumed I was a beta so I just didn't correct them," Junmyeon tells him.

"But you willingly made the choice to keep your presentation secret from us, even though you were under a legally binding contract," Mr Son says, a harsh tone overtaking his voice.

"I chose to live my life on medications that basically made me a beta, which your people decided I was, so yes I kept it to myself," Junmyeon snaps back.

"Please keep your voice down," Mr Ho says, trying to calm the situation.

"No! I work myself to the bone for this company, I gave up my health for the chance to be here and all you care about is the fact I lied so you'd have an easier time." Junmyeon growls out, crossing his arms across his chest.

"That's enough for now Junmyeon, we have more to discuss," Mr Min states, interrupting Junmyeons tirade. "Did anybody else know about your omega status?"

"No, just my family," Junmyeon answers, looking down at the table.

"Not even your ex members, Yifan for example?" He asks in further detail and Junmyeon shakes his head.

"No, like I said only my family knew," Junmyeon spits out.

"Mr Kim if you cannot calm down we will have a problem," Mr Min says.

Junmyeon lets out a sigh before taking a couple calming breaths. "I'm sorry," He apologises, Mr Min nodding in acceptance.

It remains like this for an hour, the executives asking a million questions about his status and his lies. Junmyeon starts to lose his will to live as the questions continue, already forseeing the direction this is going.

"Now Junmyeon we had a meeting with your other members yesterday evening, to talk a little bit about how you are as a leader," Mr Son says as he looks up from his folder of paper.

"They all had very positive things to say about your leadership," Mr Ho tells him with a pleasant smile.

Junmyeon smiles back, "I'm glad they think i'm doing my job well."

"Yes, but we have a few concerns that have popped up since your status has become known," Mr Min explains, and Junmyeons smile dies.

"My status isn't going to change anything, i'm the same guy I was before," Junmyeon says, but they just shake their heads.

"Maybe in your mind, but physically alot differs." Mr Min says. "Unlike the other omegas under the company, you are unable to take precationary medications such as blockers or birth control, which makes you a danger to the other people at this company."

Junmyeon looks down at his hands, "How does that make me a danger?"

"Based on the information given to us by your doctor, you have irregular heats and wont be able to control your scent until you're cleared to use patches," Mr Min says as he reads off the paper before him.

"You can't control your scent or know when you'll be in heat, you're creating an unsafe environment at the company, we have alot of young alphas who have yet to control their urges and you will be endangering yourself and them if something happens," He explains.

Junmyeon starts to tear up just thinking about it, starting to realise why they don't like taking omega trainees. "But that's not my fault, I can't control something that's biology."

"That's exactly the problem, we can't trust having you at the company lest you go into heat and cause all the alphas to rut, and we have the same concern at the dorms." Mr Son says with a flick of his hands.

"We can't trust that you wont set off the alphas or omegas in your team."

Junmyeon feels like he's going to be sick at what they're implying. "What are you trying to say."

"Im sorry Mr Kim but we are not going to be able to keep your contract anymore," Mr Ho says sounding genuinely apologetic.

The floodgates immediately release after this. It's not that Junmyeon hadn't seen this coming, he had just been praying it wouldnt.

"No please, I cant leave them they're my family," Junmyeon begs, trying to get some control of his sobbing.

"There's nothing we can do for you, your lies caused delays in EXO's schedule and will inevitably continue to do so," Mr Son sneers as he looks at the omega.

"Please, you can't do this! They need me!" Junmyeon cries, feeling like his world is crumbling beneath him.

"You should have thought about that before making the choice to lie," Mr Son states smugly, as if glad that Junmyeon was being forced out.

"I lied for them! To protect them when they made mistakes!" Junmyeon cries. "This company gives no mercy and I just wanted to protect them."

"Im sorry Junmyeon," Lee Soo-man says, speaking for the first time in the whole meeting. "You were always one of our best."

It just makes Junmyeon cry more, that he was seen as so great but they still don't want him.

"We will give you the choice on whether you will make the statement explaining why you were dismissed, otherwise we will do it ourselves." He continues.

Junmyeon takes a deep breath and tries to calm down, relaying that he would put out a statement in the next few days.

"Okay, we will officially send you your confirmation of contract termination; but you will have to move out of the dorms effective immediately." Mr Min states. Junmyeon just nods before standing up and exiting the room.

He manages to hold himself together as he takes the elevator down to the main floor where he'll have to walk past the practice rooms to get out. As he steps out of the elevator he grabs his phone from his pocket.

He immediately dials up Yifan's number.

"Hey Angel, you finished in the meeting?" Yifan asks when he answers.

Junmyeon immediately breaks down crying at the sound of his voice, his legs disappearing from beneath him as he lands on his knees. Just barely able to get his empty hand beneath him.

"Hey it's okay, im coming now, just wait for me," Yifan says, not even needing Junmyeon to say anything.

The telltale bleep of the call ending sounds and Junmyeon puts his phone on the floor, heavily throwing himself into a seated position against the closest wall; making a loud bang sound.

Junmyeon puts a hand over his mouth, trying to stay quiet through his sobs so he doesn't grab anyones attention.

The door beside him opens and makes him jolt in surprise. "Hyung?" Taeyong calls as he notices the boy sitting on the floor.

Junmyeon lifts blurry eyes to look at the omega, who looks surprised at his tear stained face. The surprise morphs even further after a couple seconds as he closes the door.

"You're an omega?" Taeyong asks. Junmyeon just starts to sob again, harsh sounds leaving his chest as he tucks his face in his knees.

"Im sorry! Please don't cry!" Taeyong whines as he kneels beside the elder omega, wrapping him in a loose hug.

"Im sorry," Junmyeon mutters as he tries to control his sobbing.

"You dont have to apologise hyung," Taeyong tells him with a smile.

"I was actually about to come find you, I wanted to thank you," Taeyong tells him with a smile.

"Thank me for what?" Junmyeon questions as he wipes his face, looking up at the omega.

He puts his hand up and lifts back the collar of his shirt, revealing a healing mating bite. "After I stood up to the company, Jaehyun and I decided to mate."

"Oh my god," Junmyeon says happily as he wipes his eyes again before placing one of his hands on Taeyongs face. "I'm so happy for you, that's amazing."

"It would have never happened this soon if it wasn't for you, the meds were just making me not act like myself," Taeyong tells him, and Junmyeon just smiles.

"I didn't want you to make my mistake, i'm so glad you just went for it," Junmyeon says as he pulls the omega into another hug. "I'm so proud of you for not letting the company make you lose your chance at love."

"Is that what happened to you?" Taeyong asks, before his eyes widen and he apologises for asking such a question.

Junmyeon smiles sadly before giving a small nod, "Yes, that's what happened to me."

"I'm sorry hyung," Taeyong says but Junmyeon shakes his head.

"It's okay, I have my chance back again now, now that they.." Junmyeon starts, but his wobbling lip cuts him off.

"Now that they what?" Taeyong queeries, tentative in his words as he places his hands on Junmyeon's.

"Now that they've terminated my contract," Junmyeon explains.

"What?" Taeyong cries out. "No they cant do that!"

Junmyeon gives him a teary smile, his sadness reflecting on the younger omegas face as he too starts to tear up.

"Hyung no, that isn't fair!" He says through hiccups of tears.

Junmyeons pocket buzzes as he recieves a text message, he pulls the phone out and sees that Yifan has arrived and is waiting for him out the front.

Junmyeon turns his attention back to the distressed omega before him. He places his hands on either side of his face, and leans in to kiss the top of his head like he would with a child.

"It's going to be okay," Junmyeon tells him. "Now, there's going to be alot of issues over the next few days when the others find out. I want you to keep a close eye on your group and keep everyone safe okay?"

Taeyong just nods through his tears.

"I'll see you around Yong," Junmyeon says, before standing up and heading through the hallway, not turning back when he hears Taeyong being comforted by his members.

Pushing through the doors, Junmyeon finds Yifan waiting right outside the door, not even bothering with a mask or hat to disguise himself.

There are fans gathering outside the building, phones out taking pictures and videos. As soon as Yifan spots him, he walks in his direction.

Yifan pulls him into a hug straight away, before leading him to his car, trying to hide him from the crowd as much as possible.

When they finally manage to get away, Junmyeon lets his feelings out. Why can nothing ever go his way?


	25. 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!! Im doing alot better than I was when I last posted!  
> Today I passed my driving test so i’m on my P’s!! I’m really excited to finally be able to drive by myself, but my car also fucked itself today so it’s at the mechanics until sometime tomorrow.
> 
> CONTENT WARNING!!  
> This chapter contains sexual content, so if you don’t want to see that then don’t read it!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!  
> lots of love  
> -kim xo

"Where do you want to go Myeonie," Yifan asks, carefully placing a hand on the younger boys thigh.

Junmyeon doesn't know what to say, what to feel.. what to think.

"Take me home," Junmyeon murmurs quietly, staring out the window at the passing buildings.

"To the dorms? Is anybody there?" Yifan asks, getting ready to take a right turn towards the dorms.

"Not the dorms," Junmyeon says just as quiet.

"Where then?" Yifan asks, confusion lacing his tone.

"Your house," Junmyeon answers, finally looking to Yifan. "Take me home."

Yifans eyes widen, flicking in Junmyeons direction briefly before looking back at the road. With a small nod, Yifan takes the next left and heads towards his apartment.

They're silent for the rest of the ride, all the way through the halls until they're standing in Yifans lounge.

"Myeonie are you okay?" Yifan asks as Junmyeon faces away from him, looking at the wall behind the couch as Yifan stands near the doorway.

Junmyeon turns around, tears in his eyes as he finally faces Yifan.

"I love you," Junmyeon chokes out, biting his lip after to hold back a sob.

"No.." Yifan says, knowing what it means that he can now say it back.

"I love you," Junmyeon chokes through sobs as Yifan walks forward and wraps him up in a hug.

"I'm so sorry Junmyeon," Yifan whispers into his head, just holding the smaller boy as he cries.

Yifan understands now, understands why he didn't want to go back to the dorm. Understands why none of the others were with him when Yifan arrived.

"They don't know do they," Yifan mumbles and Junmyeon just cries harder.

"I- I can't," Junmyeon harshly sobs as he grabs Yifans shirt.

Yifan feels like his heart is shattering, imagining that this is the reaction Junmyeon had when he had left. All he can do is hold him together as he breaks apart, trying to make sure he doesn't lose a piece.

"I have to move out straight away," Junmyeon tells him.

"It's okay angel, you can stay here," Yifan says, not even taking a moment to think about it.

Junmyeon leans back, forcing Yifan to loosen the hug so he can look at him face to face. Junmyeon bites his lip again, eyes flicking to the taller boys lips.

Yifan has barely a moment to recognise what is happening before Junmyeon is tugging him down, their lips pressing together in a kiss for the first time in 4 years.

It's not a great kiss, definitely not the best they've ever had, but it's theirs. Junmyeons hand tangles in Yifan's hair, pulling him impossibly closer as Yifan's hands slide to rest on the omegas hips.

Junmyeon pulls back after a moment, grabbing the alphas hand and leading him through the apartment to the bedroom, where he pushes the taler boy onto his back and climbs on top of him.

"Junmyeon," Yifan tries to say, but the omega cuts him off by pressing their lips together again, moving his left leg so he's straddling the alpha.

When Junmyeon grinds down the first time, Yifan pulls away and grabs his hips. "Myeon stop," Yifan says through a gasp, but Junmyeon just grinds down again, this time even harder so the friction is rougher.

Junmyeon is able to get a few more grinds in, releasing a moan at a particularly good one that sends a shiver down his spine. At the sound, Yifan uses his grip to stop the omegas movements, panting out harsh breaths as he tries to get control of himself.

"Myeon this isn't what you want," Yifan says, but Junmyeon just whines, trying to move his hips in Yifan's tight grip but being unable to.

"I want this, i've wanted this since the day you left. Please," Junmyeon whines, looking down at the alpha with tear filled eyes.

Yifan is silent for a moment, staring into the glistening eyes of the omega above him. Using his grip on Junmyeons hip, Yifan thrusts up and grinds their hips together dirtily; causing Junmyeon to throw his head back with a moan.

Yifan takes this opportunity to sit up and plant his face in the omegas open throat, licking and biting on the open skin as if he'd die without it.

Junmyeon's hands come up and plant themselves in Yifan's hair, pulling his face closer to his neck as he grinds down with the help of Yifan's hands.

Junmyeon continues to moan and whine loudly as the alpha controls the rhythm, making slow but rough grinds as he sucks numerous hickeys on the smaller boys neck.

When the boy lets out a pitiful whine, Yifan pulls back and helps to take off his shirt. Yifan immediately latches onto Junmyeons left nipple when it comes into view, making Junmyeon moan like a wanton whore.

Yifan growls at the sound, sucking and biting harder to make more noises leave the boy. Junmyeon tells him to stop multiple times, but the alpha just keeps going relentlessly. When Junmyeon finally manages to get Yifan off of him, he jumps off the bed so he's standing on the floor.

Yifan starts to apologise, thinking he's gone to far, but stops when he sees Junmyeon's hands reach for his waitband and pushing it down so his pants drop off his legs onto the floor, his boxers following soon after.

Yifan immediately jumps to do the same, struggling with his belt as he tries to rush to get it off as quickly as possible.

Small hands land on his own and stop him in his struggle, and when he looks up he sees Junmyeon standing at the side of the bed looking at him.

When he knows he has Yifan's attention, he climbs up so he's straddling his hips again, showing off the slick gleam on his inner thighs.

Yifan's breath hitches slightly as he reacher out and touches the wetness with one of his fingers, "You're dripping."

"It's one of the reasons I started the suppressants," Junmyeon mumbles out, reching for the belt again and carefully undoing it.

The belt hits the floor with a clack sound, before Junmyeon starts undoing the button and zip of Yifans jeans. They work together to work Yifans jeans and underwear down.

They only get them down to his mid thigh before Junmyeon is diving down and taking Yifans cock into his mouth.

Yifan throws his head back with a surprised moan, hand tangling tightly in Junmyeon's hair to push him down further.

Junmyeon moans as he bobs his head, enjoying the feeling of Yifan tugging his hair as he controls Junmyeon's movements.

"That's it baby, oh my god," Yifan growls as he thrusts up into the boys mouth, going harder when he feels Junmyeon groan around him.

Yifan opens his eyes, not even realising they'd closed, when he hears a slick sound in the room amongst all the moans.

He looks down and sees that one of Junmyeon's hands has disappeared underneath him.

Yifan slides his unused hand down Junmyeons back until he reaches his hole, meeting Junmyeon's hand where it's already delving in and out of the slick heat.

"Oh baby, you're so desperate," Yifan says, sticking a finger in beside the four Junmyeon already had inside himself.

The sound that leave Junmyeon is like a man possessed, his back arches heavily and he chokes himself on Yifan's cock.

Yifan uses the hand he has in Junmyeon's hair to lift him off his cock. He pulls him up into a kiss, messy and dirty as he continues to trust his finger alongside Junmyeon's.

"Let's turn over, lay on your stomach," Yifan says as he sits up and guides them so Junmyeon is below him on his stomach.

Grabbing hold of Junmyeons hips, Yifan forces the omega onto his knees with his ass in the air; his hole on display.

"Cmon Yifan, please," Junmyeon whines. Yifan shushes him, grabbing his hips tighter and pulling him back.

Junmyeon lets out a loud moan of surprise when Yifan's tongue comes in contact with his hole. Junmyeon is glad his head is beside the pillows, because he's able to shove one in his mouth to quiet his sounds.

Yifan stops and leans back, "Let me hear you angel," Yifan mumbles before biting Junmyeons left ass cheek.

Junmyeon throws the pillow on the floor and grabs hold of the bed sheets. "Oh god," Junmyeon cries when Yifan goes back to eating him out.

Yifan is like a man possessed, licking the slick from Junmyeons thighs and following it back to his hole. "You taste so good Angel," Yifan tells him as he sticks his tongue in his hole, sucking up all the slick that drips out.

"I always imagined this, imagined you as an omega," Yifan admits as he kisses up Junmyeons back, pressing three of his fingers at once into Junmyeons hole.

Junmyeons body quivers, a moan escaping him as he sticks his head back. Yifan kisses the side of his neck, biting down as he starts thrusting his fingers harder.

"Oh, Oh oh oh 'Fan, i'm gonna," Junmyeon says, his body tightening up as his release gets closer. Yifan takes one more bite of his neck and Junmyeon moans loudly as he cums on the blanket below him.

"Oh god," Junmyeon whines as Yifan continues to thrust his fingers.

"Always knew you were sensitive, you came without my touching your cock a single time," Yifan teases as he licks a stripe up Junmyeon's throat.

"Yifan," Junmyeon whines as he grabs the back of Yifans head and pulls him into a kiss. It's an awkward angle, and Junmyeon spends more time moaning than kissing.

"Are you ready?" Yifan murmurs into Junmyeons mouth, who immediately starts to beg and plead. Yifan takes out his fingers, licking them thoroughly before leaning back.

Yifan grabs hold of himself and tilts his hips, rubbing the head of his cock over Junmyeons hole. "You sure?" Yifan asks once more.

"Please Yifan just do it," Junmyeon begs as he pushes back, trying to fuck himself back on Yifans cock.

Yifan doesn't wait any longer, pressing in slowly until he is fully inside Junmyeon for the first time in 4 years.

"Ohhhhh fuck," Junmyeon moans, pressing back further. "I forgot how good this felt."

"How long has it been since you've done this? Who was there after me?" Yifan asks, grinding deeply.

"Nobody.. oh fuck nobody after you," Junmyeon admits.

Yifan says nothing, just growling before immediately starting to plow into Junmyeon. His pace is fast and rough, thrusting as deep as possible and making Junmyeon cry out loudly.

Yifan wraps an arm around Junmyeon's stomach and pulls him up so they're sitting upright. Junmyeon can't help but cry, it feels so good, so deep that he can almost feel it in his throat.

Junmyeon is so overwhelmed, gripping Yifan's hand that's holding him up by his stomach. This position is hard for them to move in, but its so incredibly deep.

"Yifan oh," Junmyeon moans, his other hand gripping Yifans neck as he leans his head on the older boys shoulder.

"You feel so good around me," Yifan growls in the omegas ear, biting the lobe afterward. "I love being buried in you, if I had my way i'd keep you here naked forever; always ready for me."

Junmyeon moans at the words, tears streaming down his face as he cries in pleasure. "Alpha please," Junmyeon moans.

Yifan roughly presses Junmyeon face down on the bed again, slamming into him so hard the bed begins to shake and slam against the wall.

"Fuck, oh yes alpha please," Junmyeon cries, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth.

With every passing thrust, Junmyeon can feel Yifans cock catching on his rim, a knot forming at the base and preparing to lock them together.

Out of nowhere, Yifan pulls out completely and flips Junmyeon over so they're facing each other. Yifan immediately enters him again, forcing Junmyeon's body up the bed with each thrust.

"Oh, oh! Knot me alpha!" Junmyeon screams as he grabs Yifans back, nails ripping down his spine as he holds on for dear life.

Yifan wraps one of his hands around Junmyeons cock, and he screeches; body convulsing from the stimulation as he bucks his hips.

"Too much hyung, too much," Junmyeon cries, trying to slap away Yifans hand, but his arms are too weak against Yifan.

"Cum for me baby, I want you to come for me," Yifan growls before ducking and biting Junmyeons neck again.

The sensation of teeth on his neck sets him off and his orgasm rushes through him immediately, Junmyeon can only think of how he'll need to apologise to Yifan's neighbours later; what with how loud he just screamed.

There's a few minutes where Junmyeon feels like he's floating on a cloud, almost like an outer body experience.

When he comes back to himself, his entire body is tingling. He actually has to put his hand above himself on the headboard to avoid bumping his head against it.

"Knot me alpha, please knot me," Junmyeon begs. It's all Yifans needs before he's growling again, thrusting one last time before continuing to grind deeply without moving his hips back.

Junmyeon can tell the exact moment when he pops his knot, because he goes from a growling mess to a whining one as he collapses on top of the omega.

Its very common that alphas become overwhelmed when they knot. Even though you'd always hear stories growing up about alphas growling till the last second, basically ripping their knot out to keep fucking you.

Dont get him wrong, during rut alphas are very much like that. But on a general day to day basis? It's rare for them to act like that, let alone actually manage to form a knot in the first place.

For majority of alphas, knotting is strictly during their rut. Only the most fertile of alphas can do it outside rut, but it's the reason that they become whiny and sensitive.

Knots are made to be had during a rut, when their pheromones are extreme and their senses are heightened. They dint focus on the sensation of knotting as much as they do the process of breeding an omega or beta.

Yifan has always been like this when he knots outside of rut, whiney sensitive like he cant decide to pull away or get closer.

"It's okay 'Fan," Junmyeon coos as he huns his hand down the alphas back in a comforting manor. "You're a good alpha."

They lay like this for a while, long enough for Yifan's knot to go down and let them separate.

"Jesus I can't feel my legs," Junmyeon admits as he tries to stand.

"Sit down Myeonie, you don't need to get up yet," Yifan tells him as he attempts to pull the omega back onto the bed to lay with him.

"I do hyung, I need you to take me to the dorms," Junmyeon mutters sadly, getting up and reaching for some tissues to wipe himself down before he puts his clothes on.

"What? Myeonie I told you that you can stat here," Yifan says as he jumps to his feet and pulls on his own boxers.

"I know hyung.." Junmyeon says through a sigh, as if trying to hold back his emotions. "But I need to move out all my stuff before the boys get back. I can't face them."

Yifan doesn't know what to say. As much as he wants to deny Junmyeon the chance to do that, he did the exact same thing. He can't tell Junmyeon not to follow his mistakes.

"Okay Myeonie," Yifan says as he gets dressed.

~~~

The drive to the dorms is solemn, the only thing said the entire time was that they had until 8pm to move everything out, as thats when the boys usually came back.

Stepping through the front door felt like he was doing something wrong, like he was trespassing somewhere he wasn't supposed to be.

"Myeonie just grab the things you need, i'll drop you home and pick up the rest without you," Yifan tells him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Junmyeon thanks him, before leading him through to his bedroom. He could almost cry at how normal it looks, one of Sehuns empty juice boxes sitting on his bedside table.

Junmyeon can feel the tears streaming down his cheeks as he opens the suitcase still sitting at the end of his bed from when he got back from China just a couple days ago.

He pulls all the clothes out of his drawers and shoves them into the bag, following soon after with the stuff in his closet.

"Myeonie is there anything I can do?" Yifan asks as he stares at the omega, pitifully sat on the floor as he tries to squish too many clothes into one suitcase.

"Um," Junmyeon sniffles as he wipes his nose. "You can go get my medication from the kitchen. Its in the fridge on th-"

"Right side door at the top, I know," Yifan finishes for him before exiting the room.

Junmyeon can't zip the bag himself, deciding the leave it until Yifan gets back and can help him to do it. Grabbing his laptop from the bedside table, he drops it on his bed to take with him when he leaves.

He wanders to the bathroom, getting his toothbrush and comb from the cabinet to take back to his room. After he dumps them into the bag as well, he asks Yifan to close it, before wandering around through the house.

He tidies where he can, picking up rubbish and taking it to the bin, putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher after putting the clean ones away.

He even does a two loads of the boys washing, putting it to dry before he leaves the laundry. He makes all the beds, puts away the towels and unpacks all their suitcases. And if he takes a piece of clothing from each of them, there's nobody to prove it.

When he enters the lounge, he looks at the wall with their trophies on it, all the rewards their received over the years.

There's a picture hung up next to it, all of them smiling at the camera as they hold up the trophy from their first win.

He can't stop himself when he climbs on the edge of the couch and takes it off the wall, he had been the one to put it there in the first place.

It's where Yifan finds him, standing in the middle of the room clutching the frame to his chest as he sobs, heart wrenching sounds escaping him as reality hits him.

He's losing his family. He has no choice but to let them go, can't risk dragging them down with him as he falls.

"Let's go Myeon, I'll come get everything else after I drop you back," Yifan says as he wraps an arm around the smaller boys waist.

As he steps out of the dorm and closes the door for the last time, he feels a part of himself break.

"When you've finished, leave the key on the bench," Junmyeon says through a wrecked voice? dropping the keys in Yifan's hands before walking away. He doesn't look back.


	26. 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiya everyone!   
> I hope you’re all having a great day and enjoy this chapter.
> 
> I got my first tattoo last night! I’m really happy with it and so i’m posting a chap for you all so you feel the same!
> 
> lots of love   
> -kim xo

"Are you going to be okay here?" Yifan asks as he places the cup of green tea on the bedside table beside Junmyeon.

As soon as they'd gotten back, Yifan had forced Junmyeon into a shower before he tucked Junmyeon into bed with his laptop. Everytime he'd made an attempt to get up, Yifan had quickly tucked him back in.

"Yeah, I have to do something anyway," Junmyeon answers as he grabs a handful of the blanket and pulls it further up his bare legs.

"And what is that?" Yifan asks as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed, smoothing Junmyeons wet hair back off his face.

"I have to write a letter." Junmyeon tells him, and Yifan nods in understanding.

"There's some paper in my studio, first door on the right from here," Yifan directs him.

"Okay, thank you hyung," Junmyeon whispers before leaning in and pressing a kiss against the elder boys lips.

It's immediately reciprocated, but quickly ended. "I'll be back soon, okay?" Yifan tells him before getting up and exiting the room.

Junmyeon waits until hw hears the front door close before he gets up and wanders to find the studio. The door is unlocked, a deep red hue shines through the door when he opens it.

"If I was Yifan, where would I put my paper," Junmyeon asks himself as he opens draws and looks through shelves. After about 5 minutes of searching, he finds it on the top shelf of a cabinet, he even has to climb up on a chair to reach it.

Once he manages to grab it and get down to the floor again without hitting the floor and injuring himself, he takes it back to bed where he grabs a pen off the bedside table.

This is the hardest thing Junmyeon has ever had to do, to let his fans know that he's let them down, that he has fractured their little family again.

He gets to writing as fast as he can, trying to set aside the thoughts of pain.

_**Hello, this is EXO's Suho.** _

_**To our EXO-L whom I love dearly, I write this to tell you sad news.** _

_**I am so sad and apologise greatly that I must write this letter, that I must say what I am about to say.** _

_**It is with deep regret that I inform EXO-L that I have parted ways with SM Entertainment, and subsequently EXO.** _

_**I have worked happily as EXO's Suho for 6 years now, and always believed that I would do so for the rest of my life.** _

_**I have been so grateful to receive love and support from our fans these few years, I will cherish these moments for the rest of my life.** _

_**SM Entertainment and I have talked thoroughly about this decision, but were unable to settle our differences and this resulted in our parting of ways.** _

_**The biggest reason for this was my status as an omega, I kept it hidden from the company until it was revealed without my permission. My status has not hindered my ability to perform, practice or lead my group; but as I was untruthful from the start, we were not able to make amends.** _

_**I would like to thank SM for all the opportunities they have allowed me to have, and all the staff I have worked with over the years.** _

_**To my EXO members whom I love very much, I sincerely apologise for causing problems.Thank you for allowing me to lead you through these years, and trusting me to do a good job taking care of you. Thank you for giving me hope and comfort during these difficult times, I wish you all long and happy careers. I am so sorry I could not go forward with you until the end.** _

_**To EXO-L, I hope to meet you again as Kim Junmyeon. Thank you for all the support you have given me over the years, I will cherish your love forever. I feel really apologetic having to deliver this news, and hope that you will continue to support EXO as 8.** _

_**I will forever cherish the time I spent as EXO's Suho, and will continue to grow and blossom to be someone you can be proud of. Thank you all.** _

_**I am sincerely apologetic about this news.** _

_**From Kim Junmyeon.** _

Junmyeon is crying by the time he finishes writing, trying to wipe the tears off his face before they call fall on the paper and ruin what he's written.

It took him 6 attempts to get it all written down correctly, five scrunched up pieces of paper on the floor from his previous failures.

Yifan had come back twice whilst he was writing, bringing in stuff before leaving to pick up more. They'd agreed to leave the bigger furniture like his bed and dresser, and Junmyeon decided to leave his TV for them; as it was their main lounge TV.

Junmyeon picks up his phone and sees that he has a message from Jongdae, explaining that they were on their way home and would meet him there when he finished his meeting.

It just makes him cry more, using his hand to cover his mouth in an attempt to quiet the sound of his sobs.

He hears the front door open and tries to take a deep breath to calm down.

Yifan comes into the bedroom a few moments later, "Hey angel, I got everything."

Junmyeon nods his head and takes his hand off his face. "Good," he says in a choked tone. "Thats good."

Yifan immediately gets onto the bed with him, sitting behind him so Junmyeon can lean back against his chest.

"I need to post it now," Junmyeon says aloud, not talking to anybody in particular. Yifan hums and grabs Junmyeons empty hand, linking their fingers.

"You'll get through this, everything will work out in the end." Yifan whispers before kissing the omega on the temple.

Junmyeon lets out a calming breath before sitting up and using his phone to take a picture of the letter he'd written over the last two and and half hours.

He opens up his instagram account and clicks on the 'new post' button, sizing up the letter so it fits correctly.

"I don't know what to put for the caption," Junmyeon mutters as he stares blankly at the screen.

"What do you even put in this situation."

Yifan sits up and rests his head on the smaller boys shoulder. "You've already written everything you need to say, there isn't alot more you can put."

Junmyeon nods in agreement, but still doesn't hit 'post'. "I don't know if I can do this," Junmyeon whispers, a stray tear falling down his cheek.

"It's better if they hear it from you angel," Yifan tells him in what he hopes is comfort. "You need to do it."

Junmyeon feels like he can't breathe. This small button is doing to set off chaos, it's going to cause an incredible amount of pain that he will never be able to take back.

With one last breath, he hits the post button. Yifan takes the phone out of his hand afterwards, locking it before placing it on the nightstand beside them.

He's glad he has his notifications off, because he knows that otherwise it would be buzzing nonstop with notifications.

"It's done now, it's all okay," Yifan soothes, helping Junmyeon to flip over so that they're facing each other.

"They'll never forgive me," Junmyeon whispers.

"Who?" Yifan asks. Junmyeon is about to reply, when he's cut off by his phone ringing.

Both of them check it at the same time to find that Junmyeon has an incoming call from his mother. Junmyeon bites his lower lips and turns his head to face the other way, placing his head on Yifans chest.

"Turn it off," Junmyeon begs, and Yifan moves; the sound shutting off after a few seconds.

It's silent after that, neither of them knowing what to say.

"Junmyeon," Yifan starts, but Junmyeon just cuts him off by shaking his head where it lays against his chest.

"I don't want to think about it," Junmyeon whispers.

"Okay Angel," Yifan replies, running a hand down his back. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"No, I want to forget," Junmyeon answers before sitting up and launching himself forward to kiss the alpha.

"Junmyeon are you sure?" Yifan asks when the omega pulls away to lick and suck on his neck.

"I want you to make me forget," Junmyeon whispers, and Yifan jumps on the opportunity.

Yifan pushes the large shirt up and off Junmyeon body, leaving him in just a pair of boxers. He leans down and starts to trail kisses down the omegas body, biting here and there as he goes.

He pulls the omegas boxers down and takes his small cock into his mouth, sucking in the way he knows always drives Junmyeon insane with pleasure.

Junmyeon is making small whimpering noises, one of his hands in Yifan's hair. After a few moments, Yifan realises that Junmyeon isn't getting hard, and finally takes a look at his face.

The hand not in Yifan's hair is covering his mouth to hide the sounds of his sobs as tears stream down his face.

"Oh Angel," Yifan coos sadly as he lifts the small boys boxers back into place. He wraps his arms around a small waist and pulls him up into a hug.

Junmyeon wraps his arms around the alphas neck and sobs openly into his neck. The sounds are heartbreaking, like he's just lost everything that matters to him in life.

And to be honest, he has. He'll never be able to freely see them ever again, not in the public eye anyway. If the company has their way, it's the end of his relationship with them forever.

It's a restless night for both of them, Yifan trying to comfort Junmyeon as he sobs through the night, barely getting any sleep at all.

“Maybe you should call one of them,” Yifan suggests for the 4th time. He’d had to turn his own phone off about an hour ago after calls started to flood him from the boys.

“I can’t,” Junmyeon replies. This conversation is an endless loop, Yifan suggesting something and Junmyeon shutting him down immediately.

“You know what, we’re getting out of here,” Yifan says before forcing Junmyeon to his feet. He makes a beeline for his closet and pulls out a pair of tracksuit pants for Junmyeon, helping the boy into them as he stares into space.

“Where are we going?” Junmyeon eventually asks as Yifan forced a too big hoodie onto his too small frame.

“We are going to get ice cream, then we’re going to Han River to get some air,” Yifan tells him as he grabs his hand and drags him outside.

“Hyung I don’t want to go out,” Junmyeon tells him.

“I know, that’s exactly why we’re going, you need some fresh air, you’re crying more than you’re consuming water.” Yifan replies, not taking no for an answer.

“At this rate you’ll become all shrivelled.”

“That’s not funny hyung,” Junmyeon says blandly before allowing Yifan to force him into the car.

“I know, that’s why we’re getting you some fresh air,” Yifan replies.

The drive to Baskin Robbins is silent, not for Yifans lack of attempt at conversation. Junmyeon just refused to reply and left Yifan talking to himself until he eventually stayed quiet too.

They cut it close, barely making it before the store closed. But even if they had planned to, the second they saw who it was that was in the store, they immediately let them in.

It only takes them a couple minutes to get their icecream, Yifan taking pictures with the severs when they ask; clearly aware that they shouldn’t ask Junmyeon based on his state.

Junmyeon feels a sense of dejavu as they approach a bench near the edge of Han River. They’d done this as trainees.

Yifan would take Junmyeon on secret ice cream dates to Han River, any time they could get alone was always appreciated.

Sitting on the bench, Junmyeon thinks about how far they’ve come since those days. Back then they were just kids with big dreams, and now they’re adults who have lived their dreams and learned the consequences of being naive.

“I always loved when you’d bring me here,” Junmyeon quietly admits as he pulls his hood further over his face, curling in a ball against Yifan’s side.

“They were my favourite days,” Yifan admits as he wraps his arm around Junmyeon, struggling to scoop ice cream from the cup in his lap with just one hand.

“I want to go back to those days, I don’t want to be here,” Junmyeon states.

“Yes you do, look how far we’ve come since then, we still have so much further to go. This isn’t the end,” Yifan says, worried about the implications of his words.

He’d heard the list of side effects that Junmyeon’s medications carries, and can see alot of the mental ones showing now.

“I don’t want to be here,” Junmyeon repeats numbly, as if he hadn’t heard a single thing Yifan said.

Yifan just wraps his arms tighter around the smaller boy, forgetting about his ice cream as worry floods his veins.

He’s seen the effect their career can have on people, has watched first hand as people crumbled under the pressure.

Yifan has seen his fair share of stares disappearing from the spotlight due to the mental toll it takes to be a celebrity, and he doesn’t want to watch that happen to Junmyeon, or worse.

“I love you, now it’ll take some time for this to pass enough for you to keep going; but until then you have me and we can get through this,” Yifan says.

Junmyeon doesn’t make a sound, doesn’t even show that he’s heard what’s been said. He just stares out at the water, watching as it moves and flows down stream.

_I don’t want to be here._


	27. 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! 
> 
> Today I finished writing down my plan for the last chapters of this story so I have the whole outline planned to write!  
> Thus is going to have way more chapters than I was expecting it to, but i’m really liking how my plan is looking so I hope you all are excited!
> 
> I hope you all have incredible days!  
> -kim xo

"Hyung come on we can't wait any longer, he may be home already for all we know!" Jongin says for the fifth time in the last hour.

It's around 9:30pm now, an hour and a half later than they'd decided to practice tonight; all because they thought Junmyeon was still in his meeting with the company.

"Hyung he's right, even if he is still here he'd want us to go," Jongdae states before pulling his phone from his pocket. "Look i'm going to text him now saying we'll meet him at home."

Minseok still looks fretful like he wants to wait longer, but eventually agrees; picking up his bag and following them as they leave.

They all stop after exiting the practice room, seeing that the NCT practice room light is still on. "Those kids, they'll be so exhausted," Baekhyun says before grabbing Chanyeols hand and leading him out.

The walk back is filled with laughter, the eight of them trying to decide on their dinner as they avoid the cameras of fans.

"Maybe we should let Junmyeon hyung pick, he hasn't chosen in like 3 months," Sehun suggests as they get the the entrance to their dorms foyer.

"That's a great idea Sehunnie," Yixing says as he pats the youngest boy on the head, a big smile blooming on both their faces.

"Hey where's the doormat?" Minseok asks after he unlocks the door to their dorm. He steps out of the way and they all see that the doormat that's usually just inside their doorway has disappeared.

"Maybe Hyung is back already and he moved it?" Chanyeol suggests. They all enter the house, and it looks fairly normal.

"Where is the photo?" Jongin asks as he points at the wall beside their awards.

"Hey someone made my bed," Chanyeol calls from his bedroom before he appears from his doorway. "And all my washing has disappeared."

"Me too?" Kyungsoo says as he comes down the stairs from his room.

"Hey all of hyungs medications are gone!" Baekhyun calls from the kitchen.

"No," Minseok says as he immediately rushes towards Sehun and Junmyeon's room. He pulls open the closet to find it empty, same thing with the drawers.

"Hey hyung I found a key on the bench," Baekhyun says as he enters the room, finding Minseok standing in the middle with tear filled eyes.

"Where is all of hyungs stuff?" Baekhyun asks, and the others quickly come running.

"He's gone," Minseok chokes out.

"No, no he can't be gone, he wouldn't leave us," Sehun says before leaving the room, the front door slamming open.

They all follow after him, running back to the company; not caring that they all look an absolute mess of tears.

Slamming through the doors to the meeting rooms one at a time, they find them to all be empty.

"No, no this isn't right! He wouldn't do this!" Sehun cries before heading back to the elevator. There's only one other room in the building with people in it.

All of the NCT boys startle when Sehun slams into the room, tears staining his face as he struggles to breathe.

"Where is he," Sehun says, giving no context at all.

It's clear that they all know what he means, all of them having similarly upset expressions. The other seven members of EXO arrive at the room as Johnny is getting up and heading in Sehuns direction.

"Hyung," Johnny says as he places a hand on Sehuns shoulder. "He's gone."

"What do you mean he's gone, he wouldn't just leave!" Chanyeol yells as he walks towards Johnny, unreasonably angry at the younger alpha as if it were his fault.

"They kicked him out hyung, he left hours ago," Taeyong explains from his spot on the floor where he has Jisung and Chenle under each arm like a mother hen. "I ran into him after the meeting ended, they terminated his contract."

"You must have misunderstood, maybe they just put him on a forced break," Jongdae says, trying to come up with a different reason.

"What did he say EXACTLY," Minseok asks as he comes over to crouch beside the omegean leader.

"He said that he'd gotten back his chance at love because they'd terminated his contract, that there's gonna be alot of issues at the company when you all found out and I should keep a careful eye on my team." Taeyong relays exactly what Junmyeon had told him earlier that day, tightening his grip on his youngest members.

Sehun drops to his knees clutching his chest, heart wrenching sobs leaving his body as he presses his forehead to the floor.

"He-e l-e-eft us," Sehun choked out through his sobs, you'd think that he'd just learnt of someones death.

”I think i’m gonna be sick,” Jondae says, looking green around the gills as he potters unsteadily to the bin in the far corner of the room.

Jongins phone starts ringing in his pocket, a stark sound amongst the scream sobs escaping Sehun.

"Hello?" Jongin answers, trying to sound as normal as possible even though he is on the verge of tears.

"Jongin-ah," Ravi's voice calls through the phone, and Jongin feels slightly surprised. He hadn't checked who was calling when he answered but he certainly wasn't expecting it to be Ravi from VIXX.

"Oh, hyung! Hey what's up?" Jongin asks as he takes a seat on the floor against the wall, Kyungsoo quickly joining him and linking their arms.

"Have you been online?" Ravi asks, and Jongin sniffles before informing him that he hadn't.

"What's with Junmyeon hyungs post on instagram? Is it a joke?" Ravi asks.

Jongin is confused now, "What post?" Jongin takes the phone away from his ear briefly and calls out to Baekhyun.

"Hyung, apparently Jun hyung has posted something on instagram?" Jongin says, and Baekhyun immediately pulls out his phone.

Jongin brings the phone back to his ear, "Let my call you back hyung." He says before hanging up on Ravi.

"What does it say?" Jongin asks as they all stare at Baekhyun, who looks like he's reading something.

"Read it hyung," Jongdae says and Baekhyun takes a deep breath before reading aloud what is written on his screen.

"Hello, this is EXO's Suho," Baekhyun starts, his voice shaky.

"To our EXO-L whom I love dearly, I write this to tell you sad news," He continues, voice on the edge of breaking. "I am so sad and apologise greatly that I must write this letter, that I must say what i'm about to say."

"No, no this is some kind of sick joke, hyung you're lying," Jongin chokes out before covering his mouth with one hand as tears overflow his face. He too pulls the post up on his phone, and can’t help the hiccuping sob he releases when he sees it’s real.

All the members of NCT look uncomfortable, as if knowing they're bearing witness to a moment they shouldn't be a part of. This was clearly a sacred and painful moment.

Baekhyun tries to read the next line, but his voice breaks and he has to clear this throat of the lump that has formed.

"It is with deep regret that I inform EXO-L," Baekhyuns voice hitches as a sob breaks free from his chest. He uses the hand not holding his phone to grip his chest tightly over his heart as if trying to hold it together.

"It is with deep regret that I inform EXO-L that I have parted ways with SM Entertainment, and subsequently EXO."

Baekhyun hasn't even finished speaking before Sehun is screaming like he's been stabbed. They'll be lucky if people outside the room don't call the police.

They've all seen and heard each other crying a million times, but it's never been like this. It's never been so heart wrenching that it feels like they'll stop breathing.

Sehun is inconsolable, his body releasing sounds you only ever see in movies when a disaster has happened. The kind that make you sit back in your seat and praise the actors for their performance.

But this time it's not a performance. This time its Sehun. Sehun who is their baby. Sehun who was attached to Junmyeon by the hip from the moment they met, not caring about their age difference in regards to their friendship.

"Keep reading Baekhyun," Minseok orders, his voice tight as he faces the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

Baekhyun doesn't know if he can, the lump has formed in his throat again and all he can think about is the painful sounds escaping their youngest member.

"I-I," Baekhyun stutters, trying to get out the words _I can't_ , but failing.

”Keep reading Baekhyun,” Minseok repeats forcefully.

Baekhyun wipes the tears from his face, clearing his throat again before looking back at his phone. An arm wraps around his waist, and Baekhyun looks up to see a tear stained Chanyeol looking down at him.

”I think we’re going to leave, you guys can stay here as long as you need,” Taeyong interrupts as he gestures for his team to get up and prepare their things.

”I’m really sorry that you’re all going through this, Junmyeon hyung was one of the good ones,” Taeyong says, helping the young omega and alpha who were under his arms to get up.

”Come on guys,” Taeyong calls, counting his members as they pass him to exit the room. Jaehyun is the last one to go through the door, waiting patiently for his mate to follow him.

”I’m really sorry, I know he never wanted to do this to you all,” Taeyong says before taking his mates outstretched hand and exiting the room.

”Keep going Baek,” Minseok says again when he hears the door close again.

“I have worked happily as EXO's Suho for 6 years now, and always believed that I would do so for the rest of my life.“ Baekhyun reads, clutching Chanyeols hand like his life depends on it.

”I have been so grateful to receive love and support from our fans these few years, I will cherish these moments for the rest of my life,” The words feel wrong is Baekhyuns mouth, as if they’re something that should have never been written, let alone said.

“SM Entertainment and I have talked thoroughly about this decision, but were unable to settle our differences and this resulted in our parting of ways.” Baekhyun reads, slowing as he reads.

”That’s such a crock of shit,” Kyungsoo says, voice rough like he’d been crying; but his face was dry.

”Stop Kyungsoo,” Minseok growls, silencing everyone. “Keep reading Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun is tentative as he keeps reading, flicking his eyes up at the brooding alpha between words, “The biggest reason for this was my status as an omega, I kept it hidden from the company until it was revealed without my permission.”

”My status has not hindered my ability to perform, practice or lead my group; but as I was untruthful from the start, we were not able to make amends.” 

“He only lied because they didn’t ask, this isn’t fair,” Jongin whines as he tucks his head in Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“I would like to thank SM for all the opportunities they have allowed me to have, and all the staff I have worked with over the years,” Baekhyun reads, wishing the words would disappear so he wouldn’t have to go through this.

Baekhyun reads ahead a few lines to prepare for reading them out, but when he opens his mouth to speak he chokes on a sob. Chanyeols arms tighten around him in an attempt to comfort the smaller boy.

“To-o my EXO members whom I lo-ove very much,” Baekhyun chokes out, barely able to read through his tears.

“I-I-I sincerely apologi-ise for causing problems.”

”Hyung stop,” Kyungsoo orders when he recognises just how distressed his fellow omega is.

Baekhyun immediately clenches his eyes shut, as if trying to force the words to disappear.

”Keep reading Baekhyun,” Minseok orders, but Kyungsoo immediately disagrees.

”This is clearly too much for him hyung, he needs to stop,” Kyungsoo argues as he points towards the distressed omega, not caring that Minseok isn’t even looking.

Minseok turns around, his body tight and his expression stoney even though his face is red and covered in tears.

“We’re all distressed Kyungsoo, but we all need to know what he wrote,” Minseok grinds out before facing the wall again. “Keep reading Baekhyun.”

Jongdae immediately walks over to the eldest member, placing a hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him.

”I’ll do it,” Chanyeol says as he takes the phone from Baekhyun, the omega immediately turning to tuck his face in the taller boys chest.

“Thank you for allowing me to lead you through these years, and trusting me to do a good job taking care of you. Thank you for giving me hope and comfort during these difficult times, I wish you all long and happy careers. I am so sorry I could not go forward with you until the end.” Chanyeol reads, his voice wobbling towards the end but staying stable.

”This isn’t fa-air! He should ha-a-ave fought for us!” Sehun cries as he slams his fists on the ground.

”Sehun stop you’ll hurt yourself,” Yixing says as he grabs the omegas wrists, pulling him into a hug.

”Why didn’t he fight for us?” Sehun cries, but nobody has the answer he’s looking for; because none of them know.

“To EXO-L, I hope to meet you again as Kim Junmyeon. Thank you for all the support you have given me over the years, I will cherish your love forever.”

”I feel really apologetic having to deliver this news, and hope that you will continue to support EXO as 8.” The words feel dirty. Dirty to hear, dirty to say, dirty to even think.

They’d all fought so hard for so long to be nine, Junmyeon had fought tooth and nail for them to be together again. It isn’t fair.

“I will forever cherish the time I spent as EXO's Suho, and will continue to grow and blossom to be someone you can be proud of. Thank you all. I am sincerely apologetic about this news.“ Chanyeol reads, his voice trailing off.

“From Kim Junmyeon,” Chanyeol finishes, letting his arm fall so the phone is no longer in view.

“This isn’t right, we can’t just let this happen,” Kyungsoo says, getting to his feet. “We need to fight this! We need to go to management and tell them how we feel!”

”We can’t do that,” Minseok denies, putting his hands on his hips as he tilts his head back to look at the ceiling.

”Yea we can! If we all go we can force them to bring him back!” Kyungsoo argues.

”Kyungsoo how fucking naive are you?” Minseok growls out as he turns to face the omega. “Have you ever listened to a single thing Junmyeon has told us?”

”He tried everything to keep us together as nine, and they still kept Yixing away from us,” Minseok growls as he stares down the omega.

”He fought for us until he was LITERALLY on his death bed, and they still sent him away, what does that tell you?” Minseok asks condescendingly.

Kyungsoo remains silent as tears fill his eyes, the alpha has never acted like this towards any of them before.

”It tells you that they didn’t want him here and were just waiting to find a reason to kick him out, because he cared about us and wasn’t scared to fight them to protect us,” Minseok says.

”Now it’s our turn to fight for him, we owe him that much,” Kyungsoo cries, finally letting his emotions show. ”He deserves to be fought for.”

”There’s no fighting this Kyungsoo, what’s done is done.” Minseok says with finality, but they’re strained like he is forcing himself to say them.

”If we’re going to do anything, we can’t do it whilst out emotions are out of control like this, we need to wait until we’ve calmed down.” Minseok orders.

Kyungsoo just shakes his head before grabbing Jongins hand and slamming out of the room.

The other six slowly follow, knowing that they need to go home.  
  


The walk is filled with sobbing, the eight of them walking in silence as their emotions overflow from their bodies uncontrollably.

There’s no laughter, no smiling or joking, no talking. No more happiness.


	28. 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new chapter
> 
> i wasnt going to post until next week but im sad so i wanted to make someone else feel better. ive been really struggling with my mental health this week, its the worst ive felt in months and i just feel really alone. its really hard to get the motivation to write this story, but at the same time it makes me really happy when i get to see all your comments and the excitement you all feel when you get to read a new chapter.   
> so if any of you are having a bad day, i hope this can help make it a little better.
> 
> -kim xo

"I can't believe this," Kyungsoo grumbles as he drops his phone on the table. "They didn't even talk to us, what was the point in asking us how we feel about Junmyeon as our leader if they were going to force him out."

"At least we didn't just lose our jobs over the internet," Chanyeol says, but his voice is lacking any emotion.

"We can't go on as eight, because we can't go on without him. He is our leader," Baekhyun adds, rubbing circles on Chanyeols back.

Minseok takes that moment to enter, a sigh leaving his mouth. "We need to go, reps have called us in for a meeting."

"No doubt to tell us what we already know," Kyungsoo grumbles, pushing out of his chair. The other two follow, and together they grab the others before leaving for the company building for the first time in days.

None of them want to go, they're all run down, haven't showered or dressed themselves properly. If anyone paps them right now, Minseok can only imagine what the articles would say.

The feeling inside the SM building has been different since Junmyeon was forced out. Senior artists upset they lost a junior, junior artists upset they lost a senior, trainees upset they lost a role model; and that's not even including the workers who feel like they've lost a friend.

Outside EXO, NCT has been taking his leaving particularly hard. Watching their leader lose his will after losing a friend. It's been sad watching Taeyong fall into disarray, feeling like it was his fault since he first brought Junmyeons condition to the companies attention.

Nobody blames him, he was just worried for a friend and doing what he thought was right. But you can only imagine the guilt he would be feeling.

"I don't even want to be here," Sehun says gloomily, shuffling along beside his members. With each person they pass, new looks of pity are sent their way.

Yixing wraps as arm around the omegas waist and pulls him into a hug, trying to comfort him the best he can.

"We can get through this if we stick together, 9 or none yeah?" Minseok repeats, and they all agree.

The aura inside the meeting room is awkward at best. There's a palpable tension swirling in the room as the boys take their seats, moving them to that they're all at one end of the table rather than sitting around it.

"So, let's get straight down to business then shall we?" Mr Min says as he places in clasped hands on the table in front of him.

The room becomes silent, all the boys remaining quiet although he clearly was waiting for a reply of agreement.

In the end, the man clears his throat before opening a folder sat before him.

"First things first, from now on you will be continuing as eight, as we have parted ways with Junmyeon," Mr Min explains, writing something on the paper before him.

Minseok has to bite his lip to stop himself from

just shouting at the man.

"Minseok will be taking over as leader until he enters the military, at which time there will be temporary leaders in his place."

"I don't want to be the leader," Minseok tells him, but Mr Min doesn't seem to care.

"I'm afraid it has already been decided, you will be the leader from this point onward."

"Secondly, we will be creating a collaboration group including members from multiple boy groups under the company." Mr Min explains.

"Baekhyun and Jongin have both been chosen for this group and will begin working with them over the next few months."

"Wait what?" Baekhyun asks in confusion, sitting up in his seat. "Since when? Why were we not asked about this?"

"Lee Sooman himself has decided upon the members and finds it to be non negotiable." Mr Min replies.

"Well who else is in it?" Jongin asks.

"You will be working with Taemin, Mark, Lucas, Ten and Taeyong." Mr Min informs, reading off the list he has written before him.

"You're joking, Taeyong is clearly not in the headspace for this at the moment. And Mark needs rest!" Baekhyun argues.

"You can voice any concerns you may have for this group when you meet with them next week," Mr Min cuts Baekhyun off on his tangent.

"The last thing we have to discuss today is your comeback, now we have the studio booked for two days from now so you'll have to pick up the lyric sheets and demo tape from downstairs before you leave," Mr Min tells them.

All of them become very stiff in their seats as they stare wide eyed at the older man.

"What? No," Yixing says as he stares down the man before him. "We aren't putting out ANY new music without Junmyeon, especially not after you JUST kicked him out against our wishes."

"Well Yixing, we will take this into consideration but you wont be featuring on the single so you have nothing to worry about," Mr Son says with a condescending smile, appearing in the doorway before taking a seat beside Mr Min.

"Your flight back to China has already been booked for tomorrow so you'll have to pack your things after you leave here."

The boys all stare at him in horror, disgust and anger. How dare they try to send Yixing away RIGHT after kicking out their leader.

"Is this some kind of sick joke?" Minseok asks as he looks between the two men, neither of which seem to care that the boys are all clearly unhappy about all the decisions they've made without consultation.

"No, it's not." Mr Son replies, a look ghosting over his face that just shows he's enjoying this. "The company has decided that it is is Yixings best interest to go back to China and continue his tour."

Yixing gets to his feet, "No, i'm not going anywhere without my members."

"This decision is non negotiable, you work for us so you do what we say," Mr Son says. Minseok feels as though he could vomit. They all knew that the higher ups see them as cattle, but to basically hear them say it?

"I'm sorry but no," Minseok disagrees as he too gets to his feet. "We just lost our leader even though we wanted him to stay. You aren't separating us again and I will fight you until the death on that."

"What part of 'non negotiable' do you not understand?" Mr Son asks, his scent palpable is the room as anger rushes to the forefront.

The omegas keel over in their seats as the scent of angry alpha curls around the room.

"What part of 'no' do you not understand?" Minseok asks in turn, refusing to back down. "And you need to get some control over your scent, you're an adult there should be no reason for you to be scenting like a newly presented child."

Mr Son actually growls at his words this time, looking as though he's going to launch himself across the table to attack Minseok.

"Okay, I think that's enough for today." Mr Min cuts in, attempting to calm the tension.

"We will call an internal meeting and discuss what you've said, we will call you back in a few days." Mr Min says as he closes his folder.

Minseok doesn't even bother replying, just guides his members up and out of the room. Before he exits though, he turns once more to face the men, venom in his voice as he says, "If you actually have that meeting, tell them we want Junmyeon back or we're out."

He exits immediately after, not giving them a chance to reply to his claim, his threat. Cause to be truthful, that's what it is. A threat that they will walk out if they don't get what they want.

Before they leave for the dorms, they drop past the practice rooms to see how everyone is doing. Since they're here, they may as well try to lift the spirits of the people who are hurting. Even if it will never compare to what they're going through.

Alot of the practice rooms are empty today, most people still feeling the loss of their hyung and taking a break before they come back.

One room that is lit up though, is the one regularly used by NCT. They approach the door and knock twice before entering, all the boys already inside stopping what they're doing to greet their guests.

Although he tries not to, Minseok can't help that his eyes immediately zero in on Taeyong. The younger boy is sitting against the mirror watching his members, his clothing baggy.

He has deep dark circles under his eyes, his hair is a mess and his eyes look empty.

"Hey guys, how are you all?" Jongdae asks with a smile as he greets the boys.

"We're okay hyung, trying to keep on track since SM has rearranged our schedules to be alot busier." Jeahyun replies as he moves towards Taeyong, standing beside him within touching distance.

It's clear that the alpha is feeling alot more protective of his mate since things started to go downhill, Taeyong seems like a shell of himself.

"Make sure you tell them if it all becomes too much, you shouldn't let them run you to the bone," Minseok says as he shoves his hands in the pockets of his pants, trying to come across as less threatening lest he set off Jaehyun at a time where he's clearly high strung.

"Don't give them a reason to watch you closely and you just might get by unscathed," Jongdae adds, voice a fake cheery tone.

"Too late for that, they've been basically breathing down Taeyong hyungs neck since Junmyeon hyung left," Haechan says, crossing his arms over his chest.

Minseok hums, tapping his foot. "Yeah, I thought they might. Just try to lay low okay? We're trying to get things sorted."

"We'd better go, don't want anyone to think we're making you slack off," Baekhyun says kindly, grabbing Chanyeols hand and guiding him out of the room.

"Stay safe guys," Minseok says before bidding them all farewell and leaving with the rest of his members.

They walk in relative silence back to the dorms, there's not alot to talk about when your life is falling apart around you.

"Taeyong isn't looking good," Yixing says into the sky, not talking to anyone in particular.

"Yeah.. I wish there was something we could do to help," Kyungsoo agrees, linking arms with Jongin and leaning his head on the taller boys shoulder.

"At this point, the only person who can help him is Junmyeon, and we all know how likely that is," Minseok adds. Even through all the pain he's feeling about losing one of his best friends, he can't help the anger left behind.

Minseok just wishes there was something, someone out there who could tell him everything will be okay.

At that moment, his phone starts to ring with a call from Luhan.

"Hey," Minseok greets, slowing his walking pace so he is lingering slightly behind the group.

"Hey Minie," Luhans gentle voice comes through the phone, and a smile immediately blooms on Minseoks face.

"How are you all holding up?" Luhan asks, always so caring for those around him. Minseok sighs as he runs his other hand through his hair.

"Everyone is really struggling, I dont know what I can say to them that will make them feel better," Minseok explains.

"Well I may have something that could help," Luhan says, and immediately Minseok's mind goes to a dirty place before he pulls his mind out of the gutter.

"Yeah?" Minseok asks.

"I spoke to Yifan," Luhan says, his voice going quiet like he's moved his phone away from his face. "He's been looking after Junmyeon, he says that Jun is really struggling because he misses you all."

"Not gonna lie hun, that doesn't really make me feel better," Minseok admits plainly.

"I'm not done yet," Luhan tuts and Minseok can't help but smile. "Yifan told me he's trying to convince Jun to see you all, so i'm going to keep in contact with him and let you al know what I hear okay?"

"Okay," Minseok agrees.

"Does that make you feel better?" Luhan asks cheerily.

"Yeah hun, thank you." Minseok tells him.

The two of them talk for a few more moments before saying their goodbyes and hanging up.

When they all get inside the dorm, Minseok ushers them all into the lounge to relay what Luhan had told him.

"He said he's going to keep in contact with Yifan and let me know how everything is going. But it's a good thing, Yifan is trying to get Junmyeon to come back for us," Minseok informs them.

He thought the information would make his members happy, but they all just seem upset. "He doesn't want to see us," Sehun says sadly.

"No hunnie, it isn't like that," Minseok says, but even he doesn't know if the words us true. "We have no idea what went down in that meeting with the company. For all we know, they could be threatening him to make him stay away."

"I want to believe that hyung, I really do.. But I just can't," Sehun admits, tipping his head back so he's looking at the ceiling. "He promised he would never leave us, yet he did. And to make it wirse, he didn't say goodbye AND he won't answer our messages."

"That's exactly what makes me think he's being forced, he has always done everything in our best interest so why is this any different?" Minseok asks, actually starting to feel annoyed that any if them are doubting Junmyeon.

"I can see where you're coming from hyung, but it's not like Sehun is completely wrong either," Jongdae cuts in as he steps forward. "Yes, Junmyeon hyung has devoted his life to us.. But he also lied to us for the entire time we've know him."

Minseok sighs before rubbing a hand over his face. "Yes, he lied. But he lied for us."

"No hyung, he lied for himself," Sehun disagrees.

Minseok stares at the youngest with stern eyes, "If you truly believe that, then you never really knew him."

Sehun looks takes aback, but before he can say anything; Minseok turns and starts to leave for his room.

"Hyung don-" Baekhyun tries to stop him but is cut off by Minseok.

"Stop. Just.. don't," Minseok says through a sigh before leaving the room completely.

He will never give up on Junmyeon, not after all they've been through. Not after everything Junmyeon has sacrificed.


	29. 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lol i accidentally hardcore triggered myself whilst writing this chapter so I may not be writing anything for a little while as I try to recover without causing myself harm. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have written something I knew would trigger me when I was in an unstable place. I’m really sorry that i’ve caused another setback in my story. It’s hard writing angst about experiences you’ve been through yourself. Please take care of yourselves as much as possible! I love you all alot! please dont force yourself to read content you may find triggering.  
> I have put trigger warnings in the chapter notes so please be mindful to read them before reading this chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive trigger warnings in this chapter!  
> Firstly There are going to be some hate comments with rude language, you can skip them. Also please keep in mind that I randomly made up the commenters names and they are not associated with anybody who may use these usernames in real life. I also do not associate certain fandoms with hatred and am a multifan myself who stans all the groups associated to the hateful fans so please dont take anything seriously! I love all these groups and do not mean to start any fanwars!
> 
> Trigger warnings for graphic self harm and attempted suicide. I will put a warning before and after so you can skip it if you dont want to read it.
> 
> ❌❌❌ <\- I will put three red X’s before any triggering content.
> 
> ✅✅✅ <\- I will put three green ticks at the end of any triggering content so you know any graphic parts are over. Please be tentative reading though because there will still be after effects from these moments.

The music filtering beneath the door of Yifans studio wakes Junmyeon up from a fitful sleep, more so the fact that it cuts off abruptly.

The sound of a door opening is followed by Yifan entering the bedroom on soft feet. "Hey Angel, you finally awake?"

Junmyeon nods tiredly.

"I'm gonna go shopping, is there anything specific you want me to pick up?" Yifan asks as he pulls out his list from his pocket, picking up the pen on the nightstand.

Junmyeon shakes his head, and Yifan cards his hand through Junmyeon's hair before placing a kiss on his forehead.

"Alright, I'll see you later," Yifan says before getting up and leaving.

It takes 20 minutes before Junmyeon reaches out and grabs his phone off the nightstand, turning it on to look at his social media.

When he goes online, the first thing to pop up is a letter written by the representatives at SM entertainment. Opening it, he carefully reads through it to see what it says.

_**This is SM Entertainment.** _

**_After long discussions and negotiations, Kim Junmyeon will be parting ways with our company, and subsequently EXO._ **

**_Due to unforeseen circumstances, we were unable to continue working with Junmyeon. The trust between SM and this artist was lost and not able to be rebuilt._ **

**_EXO will continue activities as a team of 8, and we hope you will continue to support them._ **

**_We wish Junmyeon the best of luck with his future endeavours, and EXO in their activities as eight members._ **

Junmyeon is sad as he reads the article, but is glad that the company will continue to support EXO in the future.

After he finishes reading the article, he opens up Instagram to see how people are taking his leaving.

He goes on his last post, preparing to read the comments again.

**EXO-tic :** _ Not again, no no no! Please tell me this is a lie! You cant do this to us! You were supposed to be better than the others! _

**SUGa.SweeT :** _ HAHAHA ANOTHER ONE DOWN! BTS could never, I cant believe their leader would let them down like this. _

**_ reply -> _ Bts-l : ** _Dont say stuff like that! Im so sorry to EXO-L._

 _ **reply - >**_ **Exotart :** _Youre so rude, keep your thoughts to yourself. and we accept your apology, it’s not your fault._

**ChenLay_XiuM :** _ How could he do that to our boys! Good riddence, we don’t need him anyway! He looks gross next to our boys and we don’t want him! _

**_ reply -> _ ** ** GooseChen : ** _ Shut the hell up! Suho is our only leader, you are not an exo-l _

**_ reply -> _ Laychips : ** _How can you call yourself an exol and say something like that about our leader!_

**KingJoonieRM :** _ Kim Namjoon would never, and that’s why BTS is superior! Our leader would never lie to us like this and ruin everything. He’s so disgusting. _

**BabyDOsoo :** _I just hope the boys are okay, they suffered enough losing KrisLuTao. You’re so selfish, you’ve ruined your members lives for nothing._

**ChenYeolHun :** _ He probably left because he got pregnant and the company found out. He has been seen with Kris alot recently! Slut! _

**_ reply -> _ ** ** bigbootybaek :  ** _ This is so rude! You wouldn’t say stuff like that about Sehunie or Baek!  _

**_ reply -> _ ** __ ** Krishoreal :  ** _If anything i’d be even happier if that was the reason! An EXO baby? ai can’t imagine anything greater!_

**_reply - >_ Bitch_its_brin : ** _Guys this is none of our business! It doesn’t matter what the real reason is, we have to support them all anyway!_

 **_reply - >_ YifJun_love :  ** _ A baby Krisho! could you imagine how much love they would recieve! A vocal/rap king or queen! _

_** reply -> ** _ ** KrisTao43VA :  ** _ You’re all fucking delusional! As if Yifan would ever fuck someone as gross as that! Yifan obviously loves Tao! Even Luhan would have a better chance then that thing! _

**Juncotttoon :** _We all love you Junmyeon oppa! You’ll always be our leader! Fighting ❤️_

**Jaeyongie :** _Nctzens are all sending our love and support! Fighting!_

**IrenesEyEbRoW :** _Junmyeon, since you are the leader of Reveluv we will support you forever!_

**I.W.S.J.Y.RV :** _I hiope out gurls dont suffer bcos of this!_

**MJYBJCKJS :** _ We will always support you oppa! Please come back to us soon! _

**Kais_Nipple :** _ Good riddance, I always thought he cared more about the members who left than the ones who stayed. Did you guys see how he acted when Kris left? Disgusting. _

**TaeBaek :** _ Finally Taeyeon and Baekhyun will be able to be together! Everyone knows that they only broke up because Suho was jealous that nobody loves him.  _

**_ reply -> _ Chanbaekheart : ** _You’re fuvking delusional_

 **_reply - >_ TaeBaek :  ** _ No, you’re delusional. You really think that members would date each other? You need to see a psychologist. _

**_ reply _ -> Chanbaekheart : ** _Even keeping ships out of it, you’re delusional if you think that Suho would make them break up! It was clearly the company!_

**KrysKai :** _ I can’t believe he turned out to be an omega, how gross! He’s probably a massive slut and all of the members wanted him gone! _

**_ reply -> _ exosHOLE _ : _ ** _ This is so disgusting. You do realise there are other omegas in EXO right? And Krystal is an omega too! _

**_ reply -> _ KrysKai :  ** _ yeah but she’s a girl, omegas are supposed to be girls. _

**_ reply -> _ exosHOLE : ** _That is such a bigoted way to think. You don’t think that omegas can be boys? Baek, Hun and Soo are all male omegas and they’re some of the most popular guys in the industry. Maybe even more than your alpha Kai oppa. Kai would hate you treating his family so rudely._

**KrisTaoLuJun :** _ We will always support you oppa! You’ve been added to the KrisTaoLuJun protection squad! We will keep you safe from rude comments! _

**EXOfanboiii :** _ I’ve never been so disappointed. _

** superiorEXOL : ** _Go kill yourself_

 _** reply -> ** _ ** yuriot5 :  ** _ Delete this comment now! You’re disgusting! _

**_ reply -> _ Suhoprotector :  ** _ Everybody please spam report this comment and spam report this persons account!  _

**_ reply -> _ Jumpor : ** _Everyone spam report this comment! we need to get it deleted before Junmyeon sees it!_

_**reply - > ** _ **tempofan4 :** _We need to get this comment removed! This is horrible! Junmyeon oppa if you see it know we love you!_

Junmyeon doesn’t even feel the tears on his cheeks, he just knows they’re there. It’s not like any of this is new information, he always knew that the other members were better than him.

Junmyeon learned to accept early on that he was not well liked, he learned to live with the rude comments telling him to leave the group. He just never thought that it would come through.

After all these years he thought he had built up a thick skin. He never expected stuff like this to effect him anymore. Yet all he can think about now is how big a waste of space he is.

His members deserved better than him. Maybe he should have left sooner, maybe if he left before Yifan they would be in a great place and nobody else would have left.

He always knew he was a failure for never being able to make them stay. He let EXO-L’s down across the globe. He didn’t deserve to live.

❌❌❌

Junmyeon pushes himself to a seated position and pulls open his bedside drawer, pulling out the razor he had stolen from a sharpener in one of the draws in Yifans studio.

Pulling back the long sleeves of Yifans hoodie, he stares down at his left arm that is littered with barely scabbing cuts.

He doesn’t even feel the pain of them, not even when Yifan accidentally grabs him by the arm in the place they’re hidden.

He’s managed to hide them well from the alpha, who was yet to notice his nasty habit.

Without even a second thought, Junmyeon lifts the blade to his already fully scarred wrist, just slicing over old wounds.

The blood trails around his wrist, some of it even dripping onto the floor where his legs dangle over the edge of the bed. Lucky it’s floorboards and not carpet.

He never thought he’d be someone who’d self harm. Had never even thought of it in his darkest moments. I guess people really do change.

It hadn’t started out so extreme. When he had first started, he was scared to even make one cut. Now it feels like he just cant get enough of it, like an addict always coming back for more.

It was the only way he could get out the pain he felt mentally and see it in a physical way. He always felt so apologetic towards their fans when they’d come to him with problems of self harm. He’d try to comfort them as much as possible, but he’d never understood how they could do shit like that.

Now he gets it. The thrill that comes from touching the blade to his skin and seeing the red that forms. It was sick, he knew it. But he felt bliss in knowing that he had control. It was him that got to make this choice.

Junmyeon looks at the clock sitting on the bedside table, and picks up some tissues to wipe down his arm.

The sound of a door opening sends him into a spiral of panic, and he puts the blade into the pocket of the hoodie he’s wearing before throwing the tissues under his pillow and laying back down, pulling his sleeve back into place.

✅✅✅

He can hear the alpha pottering around in the kitchen, the fridge opening and closing a few times before footsteps head in the direction of the bedroom.

The alpha appears in the doorway with a smile on his face.

"Junmyeon you need to get up at some point," Yifan tries to convince the omega out of bed for the second time that day. It's been the same routine the last 6 days. Yifan would wake up and go to his studio to work, and Junmyeon would stay unmoving in bed refusing to get up.

So far the only time Yifan has seen him move is to use the toilet. He wont eat unless Yifan forces him, he doesn't take his medication unless Yifan makes him. He's losing weight again, his already too skinny frame becoming smaller.

Junmyeon just stares back at him, saying nothing.

"Come on Angel, let's get you into a bath," Yifan coerces as he carefully pulls the blanket back.

He has to lift the omega into an upright position, picking him up bridal style to carry him to the bathroom.

Yifan carefully sets him down on the toilet before turning to run the bath. He pulls out a big fluffy towel in preparation for when Junmyeon is done.

"I think a nice warm bath will do you alot of good," Yifan says as he checks the temperature of the running water. "You did always wish we had a bath at the dorm. I got an apartment with one just for you."

"You didn't have to do that," Junmyeon mumbles, looking down at his hands as he picks at his nails. Yifan looks at him with a smile.

Its been a rare occasion for Junmyeon to speak over the last few days, and when he does it rarely more than a few words.

"Of course I did, only the best for my love," Yifan says before kissing the omega on the top of his head. Junmyeon lifts his head to look at Yifan, before looking back down again.

He finishes running the bath before helping Junmyeon to strip down before helping him step into the bath and sit down. He doesn’t even notice that the omega is holding his arm in a weird way to keep his inner arm out of view.

Junmyeon starts to relax immediately, leaning back so he's laid down and almost completely submerged.

"I'll be back in a minute okay, I got some new body wash for you today," Yifan says before getting up and exiting the room.

Yifan doesn’t notice as Junmyeon eyes the hoodie dropped ungracefully on the floor, before leaning forward and sticking his hand in the pocket to grab out the blade hidden there.

Yifan gets to the kitchen and pulls the bottle of body wash out of a bag on the bench from when he was shopping earlier.

As he's getting ready to go back to the bathroom, his phone starts to ring loudly in the quiet of the house.

"Hello?" Yifan answers after accepting the call.

"Hey Yifan," Luhans voice filters through the phone.

"Hey Lu, what's up?" Yifan asks as he leans against the edge of the bench with his hip.

"You know why i'm calling," Luhan says and Yifan sighs.

"Minseok forcing you to call again?" Yifan asks.

"He calls every hour, you're lucky I only call you once a day," Luhan states, his voice shaking like he's doing something.

Yifan sighs, "He still barely talks, I forced him to get in the bath a little while ago," Yifan explains.

"Any progress at all?" Luhan asks.

”No, nothing new. I’m just waiting it out until he feels better, he needs to feel this pain for a little while if he’s going to feel better at some point.” Yifan informs him, but they both know he wishes the process would speed up. It’s hard to watch someone you love be in so much pain constantly.

”He’ll get there eventually, we can make it all better in time,” Luhan says and Yifan hums in agreement.

”Yeah.. I gotta go, I need to check if he’s doing okay in the bath by himself,” Yifan says and they say their goodbyes.

Yifan throws his phone back on the bench and begins to walk away, but something in his body tells him to bring his phone into the bathroom with him, so he doubles back and picks it up in his spare hand.

❌❌❌

Yifan hums as he walks back to the bathroom, starting to talk as he walks down the hallway. “I hope you still like apple body wash!”

Yifan stops dead when he steps through the threshold of the bathroom, dropping his phone and the bottle of bodywash as he takes in the scene before him.

All he sees is red, red water surrounding the omega who is almost fully submerged in the water.

”No, no, no!” Yifan says in a panic as his body jolts into action and he rushes forward. His white tshirt gets completely stained by the water that splashes on him as he dives his arms into the water, trying to pull Junmyeon above the surface.

He hadn’t been gone more than a couple minutes, yet now he doesn’t even know if the younger boy is even alive.

It’s a slippery struggle trying to pull Junmyeon out of the water to place him on the bathroom floor. Using the towel that he’d pulled out to dry off Junmyeon, he wraps the boys wrist as tight as he can before reaching for another towel to wrap the other one.

Once both wrists are wrapped, Yifan reaches for his phone and calls an ambulance, putting his phone on speaker as he tries to keep pressure on both of the omegas wrists.

”Hello you’ve reached ambulance services, please state your emergency,” The man on the phone says when he picks up.

Yifan is hysterical as he tries to explain what happened, “My boyfriend has tried to kill himself, he has two large gashes on his wrists and they’re bleeding alot.”

”Okay sir, is he responsive?” The man asks, and Yifan shakes his head before realising the man cant see.

”No, his head was underwater when I came back and now he isn’t conscious, but he seems to be breathing,” Yifan responds as he looks to the omegas lightly rising and falling chest.

”Okay, do you know how long he has been like this?” The man asks and Yifan breathes out heavily as he thinks back to the time he wasted on the phone.

”I only left the room for a couple of minutes, I wasn’t gone more than 5 minutes.”

”Okay sir, can you please tell me your names and address,” The man asks. Yifan relays the information to him, bot caring that this could easily get out to the press and compromise his home and Junmyeons safety.

”We’re both idols, so if you can please kep this confidential I know he would appreciate it,” Yifan tacks on as an afterthought.

”I know Mr Wu, I recognised both your names immediately. I will ensure your personal information stays confidential where possible. An ambulance has been dispatched to your location, please stay on the line until they arrive.” The man says and Yifan thanks him greatfully.

Now that the situation is truly starting to dawn on him, Yifan begins to become overwhelmed. Sobs leave his body heavily as he looks as the small boy beneath him.

Yifan takes a moment to pull another towel from the shelf to wrap around the omegas privates, trying to protect him from the eyes of the paramedics when they eventually arrive.

It takes almost ten minutes for the ambulance to arrive, but they are very quick on the intake; not even taking a moment to care about who it is they’re loading as they purely worry about saving his life.

✅✅✅

Yifan follows the paramedics down to the ambulance, sitting in the back as they drive to the hospital.

At one point, one of the paramedics gives him a tissue to wipe his face as he tries to calm himself down. But everytime his eyes stray to Junmyeons near lifeless body, a new wave of tears rolls over his body.

When they finally arrive at the hospital, Yifan has to be physically restrained by hospital security to keep him from Junmyeon as they work.

No matter how much he screams or cries, no matter how loud he growls and roars, they refuse to let him go.

All he can think about when they’re separated is that Junmyeon could die at any moment and he wouldn’t be there.

He only calms down when a doctor comes to inform him that Junmyeon is stable, but that he is still being stitched up and would be kept in hospital until a psych evaluation could taje place.

Its like all the adrenaline leaves his body at once, and the hospital security actually has to help him get to a seat when his legs collapse beneath him.

He looks down at himself, covered in the blood of the love of his life, his shirt stained and his arms covered in the dried substance.

It looks like he has been wading in a pool of blood, it covers him from head to toe. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was on his face also.

Yifan looks up and turns his head to stare out the window, and finds paparazzi taking pictures of him.

In his mind he wishes he could get up and rip their throats out. But he just puts his head in his hands and allows himself to cry. This is the second time in less that a month that he has watched the omega almost die.

All he can do right now is cry. Cry and beg that he will be okay.


End file.
